❌Did i just get stood up????❌

[LolaMilbank]

A few weeks ago this guy and i started texting. It was a pretty instant interest right from the start, on both ends. He kept telling me how interesting i am and how he wanted to know more about me. So the feelings were mutual on continuing to get to know each other. We even spoke on the phone a few times. Then it got to the point of wanting to meet in person. We arranged a date, and that day came, but at the last minute he was unable to meet up. He acted very disappointed about not being able to meet and he seemed determined to plan another day, thats why I dont believe he purposely blew me off. So we plan another day. Well actually he brings up two seperate days, Monday or Tuesday. I said either day works for me so it doesnt matter and he said okay. So Sunday night roles around and i text him to make sure we are still able to meet Monday and he says yes and he specifies a time. Monday comes and i begin to get myself ready, expecting a text from him or something telling me he is on his way. He lives an hour away from me so i figured he was just driving when i never got a text. I decided not to text him though, because we had already talked, everything was still on from what we talked about the night before. Well i wait all day and i still dont get a text. Then tuesday comes and by then i expect to get a text by then but i didnt. Now it is Friday of the same week, and we still havent spoke. But he is active on social media, he likes my instagram posts and he views my snapchat stories. So what is the issue? Should i text him and pretend like he DIDNT just blow me off? Im curious to know what happened but i dont want to sound like I'm upset about it. Im just confused as to why i havent heard from him for a week. Any advice on how i should go about texting him?

[greta96]

Do not text him, and yes you SHOULD be upset that he stood you up and didn't even bother to apologize! Why on earth would you pretend he didn't blow you off, when he did? Do you want to teach him that it's ok to treat you like nothing, and that you're desperate enough to still chase him afterwards? No girl...block him on social media and tell yourself "next"!

[reinventmyself]

So Sunday night roles around and i text him to make sure we are still able to meet Monday and he says yes and he specifies a time. Monday comes and i begin to get myself ready, expecting a text from him or something telling me he is on his way. He lives an hour away from me so i figured he was just driving when i never got a text

 

So, you just didn't go?

Why did you feel you needed so much reassurance? You confirmed the night before, correct?

By the looks of it, you stood him up.

[Blackchapter]

Maybe he's a catfish

[LolaMilbank]

I did NOT stand him up. I wasnt going to go unless he texted me saying he was on his way.

[LolaMilbank]

We snapchat all the time though lmao im positive hes not.

[Raggie]

Hi there. Just so I understand... had you set a time and a place the night before?

[reinventmyself]

I did NOT stand him up. I wasnt going to go unless he texted me saying he was on his way.

But he can't read your mind.

If that's the conditions you needed in order to go, then that was your choice. Be ok with it.

 

It doesn't mean he did anything wrong. For all you know he made the hour drive to find out you didn't bother to show up after you both confirmed it.

[LolaMilbank]

Hi there. Just so I understand... had you set a time and a place the night before?

 

Yes i texted him Sunday night to confirm that we were hanging out the next day which was Monday. He said yes and he gave me a plan of what he was doing. Something like, "yeah Monday works, ive just got to stop at my parents house in the morning and I'll head your way during the afternoon." and i said okay that sounds great.

[LolaMilbank]

Hi there. Just so I understand... had you set a time and a place the night before?

 

But he can't read your mind.

If that's the conditions you needed in order to go, then that was your choice. Be ok with it.

 

It doesn't mean he did anything wrong. For all you know he made the hour drive to find out you didn't bother to show up after you both confirmed it.

 

But it seems like i would have heard from him by now. I know for a fact he did not drive all the way here.

[RainyCoast]

the date was to be on Monday? it's Friday now.

 

you would rather bother yourself with whether the date was still on for five days after, then call/text him Monday and hour before the agreed upon time "we still on for tonight?".

 

if that's what you like.

[Quidam]

I think he didnt want to sound needy or pushy

since the date and time was set he left you alone

you stand him up

he got (with reason) the message u cat fished or stood him up.

 

bad play on your part

[j.man]

I would assume had he actually driven the hour and shown up only to not find you where you two agreed to meet, he'd have reached out instead of just shrugging and driving back home. But who knows? Maybe he's very no-BS when it comes to that kind of thing. Fact is we have no idea whether he showed or not. Sounds like the plan was he drive to you, so it seems like a pretty minimal investment on your part just to show up. Worst case, you buy yourself an ice cream cone or pick up a sandwich and head home.

 

And not to dismiss his potential and likely flaking, your communication style is pretty baffling, particularly with the inconsistency. You admit you didn't text him because you two had already worked it out. Why would you then hold him to the opposite standard, expecting he text you that day?

[Raggie]

Oh I see. He was supposed to come to yours?! In that case... jerk!!! Yes, I wouldn't bother contacting him!

[reinventmyself]

But it seems like i would have heard from him by now. I know for a fact he did not drive all the way here.

How exactly do you know this to be fact?

You've got a whole lot of mindreading going on here.

He's supposed to read yours and now you're reading his.

[katrina1980]

 

So Sunday night roles around and i text him to make sure we are still able to meet Monday and he says yes and he specifies a time.

 

Fabulous! Your date is confirmed.

 

Monday comes and i begin to get myself ready, expecting a text from him or something telling me he is on his way.

 

This was your first mistake. "Expecting" him to text you telling you he on his way. Why would he? You had already confirmed everything the night before!

 

He lives an hour away from me so i figured he was just driving when i never got a text. I decided not to text him though, because we had already talked, everything was still on from what we talked about the night before.

 

Second mistake, more expectations. And when he didn't meet those expectations, you concluded (assumed) he wasn't coming/wasn't interested. Big mistake. Never assume anything.

 

What I don't get is on one hand, you say you expected him to text you confirming he was on his way, but then on the other hand, YOU chose to NOT text him because you had already talked and everything was all confirmed!! So which is it?

 

You are actually faulting him for not doing what YOU yourself chose NOT to do!

 

It's quite possible he DID show up "as planned and confirmed" and when you did not, he was like "screw it" and chose to not pursue it.

 

I know for me, if I had a CONFIRMED date (actually a first meet!) with a man and he just didn't show up (i.e. blew me off), I wouldn't bother contacting him either. I would do like another poster suggested and go get myself some ice cream and chalk it up. Block and delete him. So to me it makes perfect sense that he didn't bother contacting you after you didn't show up AS CONFIRMED THE NIGHT BEFORE.

 

I mean again, this was first meet, not a guy you've been dating awhile whose history reflects consistency and reliability. If that were the case, I would have definitely contacted him but NOT a first meet.

 

So, going by what had already been confirmed the night before, you had a first meet scheduled, and you essentially blew HIM off ....... and now you're wondering why he isn't chasing you?

 

I mean, looking at it from HIS perspective, you had already confirmed the time and place the night before, so no reason to text and confirm again, and YOU didn't show up "as planned." You blew him off.

 

Sounds to me like there is a whole lot of miscommunication (or no communication) going on on both sides.

 

And you my dear need to get off your high horse (no disrespect intended) and stop having so many expectations, especially THIS early on. Stop assuming things. If you wanted/needed him to text you letting you know he is on his way, even after everything was all confirmed the night before, then you could have told him that. You could have simply said after confirming "hey, would you mind shooting me a text when you leave letting me know you're on your way"? Such a simple request, one that I have asked many times before a date.

 

As another posted wrote, he's not a mind reader.

 

Then again, neither are you, and are now left wondering whether or not he DID show up, and why he's not chasing you.

 

If you really like this guy, why not shoot him a text and clear the air? And try seeing things from HIS perspective, not just your own.

 

If it turns out he didn't show up either, then oh well, next. At least you wouldn't be sitting here wondering about it.

[SherrySher]

5 days and neither of you cared to text? I would call it a day on this one.

 

As for the initial meet up it was very bad communication, however if he wanted to see you, he would have seen you. He doesn't seem that bothered.

[katrina1980]

 

As for the initial meet up it was very bad communication, however if he wanted to see you, he would have seen you. He doesn't seem that bothered.

 

Sherry, if you had a first meet scheduled, that had been confirmed the night prior, and the guy didn't show up or bother to call cancelling or rescheduling, would you have contacted him asking him to meet up again?

 

Or maybe you think that because he's a man, that he should continue chasing her?

 

I don't blame him for choosing to not pursue this. He's not some chump who continues to chase/pursue women who blow him off. And frankly, I would have zero respect for a guy who did do that.

 

But maybe those are the type of guys OP is used to, who knows.

 

This guy actually displays some self-respect and she's at a loss to understand what's going on.

 

SMH

[LolaMilbank]

How exactly do you know this to be fact?

You've got a whole lot of mindreading going on here.

He's supposed to read yours and now you're reading his.

 

i said i know for a fact because personally, if i met up with someone and they didnt show, i would immediately text them saying something like "i am here, are we still meeting?" better yet, i would have texted them THAT morning saying "does today still work at ___ time?"

 

i know i didnt text him either, but the way i looked at it was, well, HE is the one driving here, i literally have a 5 minute drive to where we are meeting. i dont exactly have anything to lose if i end up driving to where we planned to meet, and he wasnt there. but him on the other hand, he would have wasted an hour of his time driving here, and gas money, if i were to decide not to show up. so i thought he would be smart enough to confirm it again before he left, this way he didnt waste an hour of his time and gas money. i know for me personally if i had to travel the distance instead of him, i would definitely be extra confirming it.

[katrina1980]

i said i know for a fact because personally, if i met up with someone and they didnt show, i would immediately text them saying something like "i am here, are we still meeting?" better yet, i would have texted them THAT morning saying "does today still work at ___ time?"

 

 

Lola, with respect, what YOU would do does not make it "fact." Men don't think nor behave like we women do. Not to mention you had already confirmed the night before, there was absolutely no reason why he should text AGAIN in the morning confirming what had ALREADY been confirmed.

 

This is a lesson I have recently learned myself.

 

Like you I also used to expect men to chase me, even when I blew them off. Not proud to admit that but it's true.

 

My ex literally chased me for six freakin years, and we were even living together! That was our "dance," which worked for awhile till it didn't anymore.

 

It's only like within the past year that I have realized that most men are NOT like my ex, who happened to enjoy and get off on "the chase," which isn't healthy, and one reason why we're not together anymore.

 

JMO, but a man who has self-respect, high self-esteem any MANY options (as well he should have at this point), is NOT going to continue chasing a woman who doesn't show up/completely blows off a FIRST MEET.

[LolaMilbank]

UPDATE

 

I just got a text from him, 5 days later.

the text reads:

 

"I never got the oil change that i was meant to get before i came to see you" ---He texted me sunday night saying he was also going to get his oil changed really quick before he came to see me--- "i'm sorry i never hit you up."

 

Hmmmm? so i am not the bad guy here. he is the one who never hit me up, for literally no reason. i didnt want to bother him, obviously since he never mentioned anymore of the meet up, i wasnt going to keep urging it on. that was my reason for never bringing it back up. but instead of being a man and owning up to what happened, he avoided me.

[LolaMilbank]

Lola, with respect, what YOU would do does not make it "fact." Men don't think nor behave like we women do.

 

This is a lesson I have recently learned myself.

 

And like you I also used to expect men to chase me, even when I blew them off. Not proud to admit that but it's true.

 

My ex literally chased me for six freakin years, and we were even living together! That was our "dance," which worked for awhile till it didn't anymore.

 

It's only like within the past year that I have realized that most men are NOT like my ex, who happened to enjoy and get off on "the chase," which isn't healthy, and one reason why we're not together anymore.

 

JMO, but a man who has self-respect, high self-esteem any MANY options (as well he should have at this point), is NOT going to continue chasing a woman who doesn't show up for a FIRST MEET.

 

i know exactly what you mean. i am not expecting him to chase me, nor do i want him to. i just wanted an explaination text. Read my update. and tell me what you think.

[mustlovedogs]

He may have stood you up technically speaking, but your actions are wrong, too. You were planning to wait until he was committed to coming to commit. You weren't going to go there and wait for him. And your assumptions are all over the place. Be more direct with communication - and then you won't be confused.

[LolaMilbank]

SECOND UPDATE:

 

I told him my reasoning as to why i didnt text him on monday confirming our meetup again, and then i asked him why he didnt immediately text me when he realized he wasnt going to meet up with me. this was his answer:

 

"idk it was the second time we were supposed to meet and i ended up not being able to come out there again at the last minute, i just assumed you wouldnt want to talk to me anymore honestly."

[SherrySher]

so what will be the end result then? forgive and forget and try again or toss it?