Gone back to his ex

[Stephiee13]

So I met this guy on holiday and there was instantly something there. We didn't have a lot of interaction cause he was with his whole family and I was with my mum. I left 2 days before him but gave him my number and said if he was interested in meeting for a drink when we're both home to text me. From the day I left we were texting constantly. We met up several times and then his mum and dad invited myself and my mum to theirs for an evening out, as we all knew each other from the holiday. I can't explain how he made me feel, it was as if I was the only girl in the world. He was constantly complimenting me, saying how much he liked me and the way he looked at me, no one had ever looked at me like that before. He was always wanting to see me and talk to me. Then I spent the weekend at his 4 weeks in and we became intimate, I couldn't believe how much I liked him and that he felt the same. I left the Sunday evening and everything seemed fine, we were texting like normal throughout the week and had arranged to meet for dinner on the Thursday evening. Thursday afternoon came and he sent me a message saying 'I don't think we can meet tonight' I knew something was up cause there weren't any kisses and it just felt off. I replied asking how come and two hours later he replies saying 'I just don't think we should see each other anymore. I'm really sorry xx' I was literally floored. I didn't see this coming one bit, I was so hurt. I asked why and he said that the distance was a big issue. We live a 45 min drive from each other so would usually meet in the middle. I said that I didn't think it was a problem and neither did he a week ago so what changed. He was being really evasive, saying he didn't know, it just wasn't working. He said he was sorry and knew it was abrupt. I asked him to explain, because if distance really was a problem I wish he'd realised before the weekend we spent together as I just felt really used. He said

'I didn't use you, I really did like you and want to be with you, it's just things are a bit difficult for me atm'.

I needed some explanation as to what had happened because this had come literally out of knowehere. I asked him to be honest with me and eventually he sent me this,

'I'm really sorry, I don't want you to feel like that. Basically, I don't want this to sound harsh, but my ex gf wants to try again so I'm going to see how it goes, I am sorry cause I really did like you'.

I felt completely crushed because I didn't even know there was a recent ex in the picture! He never mentioned anything. I didn't know what to say but I wanted to keep my dignity to sent this,

'I appreciate you telling me the truth. I'm disappointed that its come to this as I liked you too and enjoyed the time we spent together. However, I understand that you need to do what's best for you and I hope it works out for you.'

His response completely shocked me -

'We can stay in contact if you wanted, and maybe if it don't work out we can carry on where we left off?.

Now me being the pathetic female that I am, my first response was oh he still wants to talk to me, that must mean he like me! But thankfully immediately after that I thought, he can't keep me on the back burner in case it doesn't work out with his ex. Great I get to be second choice! Also how much faith does he have then in it working out with his ex if wants to stay in contact? I didn't reply and then 12 hours later he texts talking about a film I'd mentioned a while back and how it was really good. He was acting as if he hadn't just crushed my feelings less than 24 hours ago! For my own good I sent the following message -

' I've been thinking and to be honest, I don't see how we can stay in contact if you're trying to work things out with your ex. We can't go from the way we were to now being just mates. You know I like you and to still be talking while I know you're with someone else isn't fair to me. I won't sit around and wait but if things don't work out between the two of you, and depending on what I'm doing and how I feel, maybe then we could talk.'

I sent this even though everything in me was saying, you can still be talking to him at least that's better than nothing! He replied saying 'ok, I know what you mean x' and that's the last communication we had. That was 5 days ago now and I feel like complete crap from the whole situation. I thought this could have been the real thing. I keep thinking what's wrong with me? Wasn't I good enough? How can he go back to his ex when they broke up for a reason. From what I've found out they were together for about 4 months and then broke up about 3 weeks before he met me. I'm assuming she broke up with him as she's the one asking to try again. I just want the pain to stop. I'm really forcing myself not to cave in and message him. I just keep wanting him to message saying he's made a terrible mistake and wants me back. I'm torturing myself. I know it wasn't a long time we were seeing each other but my feelings got involved and I liked him. Do you think there's a chance he could change his mind? I've gone no contact with him cause people say that's better in the long run, is there any hope that could make him miss me? I need some help, I'm really fighting the urge to message him.

[Hollyj]

You handled things well.

 

I would rethink being available if he breaks up with her, as he was not honest in the beginning. He should have told you he was returning to the ex, and not told you those excuses. Also, I think it's shady that he wanted you around while he was feeling out his ex again. Selfish and kinda sleazy.

 

Block and delete this clown. You can do better !

[Jibralta]

I have to echo what HollyJ said. You handled this really, really well. Perfect would have been leaving out the "maybe we could talk" bit.

 

Your feelings are inflamed right now, but believe me, you are not losing your chance at love. The Real Thing would make you his girlfriend or his wife, not cast you aside for someone else. So stop worrying over this guy (and others like him (yes, there are more like him!!)) so that you don't miss someone worth while!

[Alsananick]

You cant feel safe around this man. How old is he? Anyway.find yourself some one who knows how to handle sht

[Stephiee13]

Thank you for all your responses. They have helped. He's 6 months older than me, he'll be 27 this year. I just want the pain to pass because it just causes me to beat myself up. It's ridiculous that I miss someone who could so easily choose someone else over me. I find it tough because this isn't the first time someone has dropped me to go back to their ex. Must be something about me! I know logically that you're all right, just wish my heart would catch up.

[Jibralta]

it just causes me to beat myself up. It's ridiculous that I miss someone who could so easily choose someone else over me. I know logically that you're all right, just wish my heart would catch up.

 

Common side effect of break ups. It will get better, I promise!

[Ms Darcy]

You definitely handled it very well. All you can do is take things a lot more slowly next time around.