"You're so quiet" - any other quiet people dislike this comment?

[Lotusavx]

I can't stand this remark! I recently got it again today at work at my new job. I have been told this so many times in my life so far and I am only 22! I am an introvert, observer and just quiet/peaceful person. If I have something to say, I say it, if I want to join in on a conversation, I do. I have connected with a few people from my new job already and even hung out with them outside of work which was a big step for me, as I use to be very shy. But today, as I was just standing there finishing up my 10 minute break, someone told me "you're so quiet". In the past I would have responded with something like "I'm just tired" or been too shy/embarrassed to say anything at all. But today, being the more confident person I grew into, I told them "that's just how I am - I am an introvert and observer. I don't blurt out whatever comes to mind, instead thinking about what I'm going to say before I say it." I wasn't rude about how I said it, just telling him without apologizing for who I am. I use to feel bad, embarrassed and socially inept before I realized I am for sure an introverted person. I understand being quiet can be mistaken for being rude, but whenever I do talk I am pleasant. Just wondering if anyone else has had this said to them and how they responded or any other fellow introverts who understand my situation. I don't know why a lot of people have trouble accepting and understanding that some people are just quiet!

[Annia]

I hate it when people tell me so too. I'm introverted and shy, so in big groups situations for exemple, I almost just laugh at people's jokes and just give imput here and there. However even though I'm having fun, laughing and all that I always hear the "you're so quiet" lol

 

With one or two people if I feel comfortable with with them I talk a lot though.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, I absolutely hate that phrase. Like there's something wrong with you for being...quiet? I perfected the art of the deadpan stare followed by the response, "That's because I'm trying to figure out where to put the next body. The struggle is real." They either laugh or get very flustered and go away.

 

It's not a remark that I hear as much now that I'm older and far less shy than I used to be, but it's right up there with "smile for me honey" among phrases that can make me go all Bruce Banner with the, "Don't make me angry, you won't like me if I get angry," routine.

 

And isn't it odd no one ever says to the extroverts, "You're so loud, what's up with that?"

[greta96]

I am like you too, I'm not a fan of meaningless small talk. And yes, I have been told I was was too quiet, or sometimes even that I was 'snobby' because of it. Many people confuse being shy with being snobby unfortunately. Eventually they learn that that's truly the way I am and it doesn't mean anything bad, and they leave me me. I also try to make an effort and interact more, just to meet them halfway.

[Jeetsun]

I hear you, I'm an introvert as well. I'm a supervisor on night shift on patrol I get the "your quiet" and "you look upset all the time" comments. It gets irritating to a degree but I've grown use to it. Like others have mentioned, I hate small talk, absolutely can't stand it. I like meaningful conversation. It seems a lot of introverts get these comments, and people assume you're stuck up or aloof.

[LaHermes]

I don't think I have ever heard this said about someone: Quiet.

People are not one thing OR the other. Anyhow I don't understand why people have to make such a remark anyhow (you're so quiet etc.).

 

Being shy and being "quiet" are two different things btw.

 

Balance as always is best. And I don't buy much into this introvert versus extrovert thing. People are a mixture of both, depending on time, place and situation.

 

No matter how "intellectual" one might consider oneself there is a place for what is snobbily called "small talk". I think it would be more correctly termed "civilised interaction". It is IMO a pleasant thing to do to say good day to a neighbour and in passing ask how her husband who is ill in hospital is doing. Just an example. Or ask another acquaintance, "I hope your little boy got over his accident". etc. etc.

 

Is that useless "small talk". I don't think so.

[mfan]

Just say "Thanks!"

[Fudgie]

I've gotten this comment sometimes. I'm an introvert and also pretty private. I think many people are just not happy with silence and need to hear themselves or someone else talk. Says way more about them than it does about me.