He broke up with me

[pentuprose]

I was in a relationship for 1.5 years. It was rocky. Hes Mexican and i'm American. He was the sweetest most supportive boyfriend but he was a little too into me. To the point of taking all my time. We wanted to get married. But he had another side..a criticizer a yeller, he wanted to change a lot about me. I was depressed at the time, so I get why he got frustrated, but telling me to dress sexy had nothing to do with that. I broke up with him many times and he would always come back with tears and flowers. Id always take him back. One weekend I got really suicidal bc of some stuff he did. I had been joking about suicide probably to try and cope with it. I dont think I was joking then, but he pulled a razorblade out and pretended to slit my wrist. He wouldnt apologize. I kept badgering him and he beat on the steering wheel in the car. I ended up leaving him to finish our contruction job that I was helping him with. He got really upset bc I ruined his birthday. He broke up with me a week later via his friend. We slept together and I went home and called him and said I loved him so much. He started yelling at me and screaming I dont want you, I dont love you. I lost it and ended up in a psych ward for a month. It took that time for me to actually get off my antidepressants and it was hard, but im in a good place now. BBut situationally im a mess. But if I really am bipolar mentally I am surprisingly ok. But when I got home I missed him. I called him and he came right over with food. I told him about the hospital and he started criticizing me. I dont remember who asked him to stay, but in the living room he put the moves on me. I was so happy bc I thought he loved me again. He wanted to be friends. I officially became the pscho ex girlfriend who called 20 times a day and showed up at his house. I basically did everything he used to do. I begged him to come back. One day he told me he went on a date. He told me to stop calling. I ended up hitting him bc of that and some mean stuff he said. He said hed never see me again. I had a biopsy and asked him to come take care of me. He came over. After the nightmares we started getting close again. I suggested we spend time together bc Im now moving in 2 weeks. It was just like old times. He started texting me all day long. Calling me our nicknames, etc. He told me he wanted to stay with me. I told him if we could sleep in separate rooms. He all of a sudden said he was just kidding and couldnt stay?!?! He came over a few times and it was just like old times. When he went to leave I started crying. He put his hand on my cheek and said we shouldnt have slept together bc it hurts me. He thought it might be best if we didnt see each other. By that time he had told me maybe we could look at getting back together in the future. We had previously talked about his anger and sex issue and my mental health issues. We said wed work on them and be better christians. By this time I gathered he had made the girlfriend up. Bc he was with me every day. He seemed to only be texting his family and kept showing me his phone. Then I asked about her another day and he said he liked her. I asked if he had feelings for her. He said maybe and got that look in his eye. I ended up sleeping with him. I feel like such a . I cried then mentioned her again. He said what was I talking about and another day said he was talking to a lot of girls and had feelings for a lot of people. After all this he kissed me on the forehead and said hed help me move. I sort of had a revelation that day and for him me and god I want to change. I want to stop being negative all the time and beat depression and be organized. That night he sent me the sweetest good night text saying sweet dreams daughter of god and get some rest. The next day I sent him a smiley face at work. He didnt have much to say. The next day no sweet messages and nothing about staying the week or helping me move. I started to figure it out. Hes playing me. I told him id get other people to move me. He called right away. I said he is running hot and cold and I said he was interested in another girl. He said yes. So I got angry and said I never want to see him again. I feel bad to just cut it off like this. Should I? I feel unsettled and that I am hurting him. Im sure hes glad to be rid of his pscho ex so he can date that girl and move on. Im sure hell never call me again. It hurts bc he was my family. He did everything for me. I have no parents. After I got out of the hospital I said why do illnesses happen to people. He said people bring it on themselves. I said what about my mom she died of cancer. He said excuse me but if you look on a pack of cigarettes it says what it can do to you. This was the man that made a wreath of flowers and cried at my mothers grave. If you read down to this point you are awesome. I just need support guys. I want to text him so bad, but for what? Just to be abused and played with some more?

[MissCanuck]

You still need help, OP. It isn't normal or healthy to attach to someone who abuses you or for you lash out violently and hit him when you're angry.

 

Delete and block him. Are you currently receiving treatment for your mental health troubles? You're not fine if you are released from a psychiatric facility and you go seeking out your abuser again. I don't mean to be harsh but I don't think anyone here will be able to truly help you battle your demons. An experienced, qualified and compassionate therapist can, though. There is much more going on than simply a crush on the wrong person.

 

This isn't love. He isn't family.