Starting Psychotherapy on Thursday!

[thornz]

My partner ended things with me today. I have accepted my part in the break up. In hindsight the solutions are so obvious but he says it's too late. I left it too long to try and recover the relationship. I knew the causes of some of our problems, I kept saying I was going to seek CBT as recommended by my doctor whilst on Escitalopram but was so caught up in the relationship and trying to make it work I couldn't see the solution was the therapy.

 

So, with that in mind I booked an emergency appointment with a psychotherapist who specialices in 3 types of therapy that I know are the perfect combination for me. Therapy to address childhood issues, therapy to address relationship issues and cognitive behavioural therapy to break the bad habits and rewire my brain.

 

I am so motivated to get back into my recovery due to this break up. I hurt myself and the man I love and if I'm honest I knew the whole relationship I was not in the right place to be in a relationship. I can't bear to continue this way in relationships and so I'm feeling very positive and hopeful now I have a new direction and the time to devote to my recovery

 

The therapist has just released a medical journal with evidence supporting the theory of neuroplasticity (I didn't actually know it was just a theory because, well I've improved myself and so do others who have risen from the ashes). I literally can't wait to get in there and mould my brain into the shape I want it!

[Batya33]

I'm glad you're dealing with all these changes as well as you are. All the best.

[Seraphim]

I am happy for you! It is a good thing you're self-aware . I will say though sometimes therapy can take longer than you think . And don't give up when it seems difficult because that's when the breakthroughs come.

 

Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like he was trying to precipitate this for a while. Don't beat yourself up. It takes two to make things work. Excellent you are going back to taking care of things.

My partner ended things with me today. In hindsight the solutions are so obvious but he says it's too late. I left it too long to try and recover the relationship.

[thornz]

Thank you everyone, I have had counseling for 3 years and told her about 2 months ago I was moving on to some intensive CBT but never got round to doing it. Kick up the butt was most definitely needed!

[thornz]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like he was trying to precipitate this for a while. Don't beat yourself up. It takes two to make things work. Excellent you are going back to taking care of things.

 

We both knew it wasn't working, we came to the stalemate on many occasions and every time I would tell him we just need to communicate better but that never happened because I "avoidance cope" to an extreme level and intensive therapy is all that will take care of that issue. We talked and he believed I wanted to end it and I pushed him away until he couldn't see a recovery. I can't blame him, I'm impressed he put up with it for so long. I needed this wake up call I just feel sad it wasn't before I met him. We are meeting tomorrow to exchange our belongings. We will likely talk some more. He said he didn't want to end it and I believe him. He said we were going round in circles and it was for the best, he still loves me but he can't see things improving. I agree totally. Without the therapy we would be back at the same stalemate every month or two like we have been.

[Ms Darcy]

It sort of sounds like you are blaming your mental health issues on the demise of the relationship. I hope not. It seemed like you guys were incompatible.

 

I hope that you find your peace in terms of your mental health issues.

[thornz]

It sort of sounds like you are blaming your mental health issues on the demise of the relationship. I hope not. It seemed like you guys were incompatible.

 

I hope that you find your peace in terms of your mental health issues.

 

I'm blaming my mental health issues on us going round in circles and him not being able to see a recovery. It was me who pointed out the pattern to him a while ago and it keeps repeating because everytime we need to talk about important things I shut down or I go home and barely talk to him for days.

 

I think we were very compatible but both had our issues. I'm not blaming myself entirely as he has his own faults which he accepts. I just knew in my gut from the beginning it was not the right time for me and that's where the doubt was stemming from. I believe that if you are meant to be with somebody then you will come back to each other but who knows, when the mist clears his negative qualities might be the most prominent to me.

 

I just need to work on myself otherwise my next relationship will take exactly the same course and I can't allow myself to keep hurting myself and others with my behaviour. I'm very destructive in relationships and have always functioned better on my own. I just hoped this one might work out because he is so strong and healthy but we both agreed love isn't enough. You can't expect somebody to compensate for your weaknesses in a relationship to the extent I needed. We couldn't even get the basics right, I couldn't communicate with him. I feel bad for him really TBH. I'm glad he ended it because I couldn't and I would have made my issues worse. The timing is right.

[Batya33]

I think your insight and the steps you are taking are very helpful and courageous. I think you should get any sense of "fate" off your radar as far as him coming back to you if it's "meant to be" because that seems a bit inconsistent with going to therapy and doing that kind of work. I don't think that is a strong focus of yours and since therapy is hard work and a huge time investment I'd clear my head of any of the fate notions if I were you. Good luck!

[thornz]

I think your insight and the steps you are taking are very helpful and courageous. I think you should get any sense of "fate" off your radar as far as him coming back to you if it's "meant to be" because that seems a bit inconsistent with going to therapy and doing that kind of work. I don't think that is a strong focus of yours and since therapy is hard work and a huge time investment I'd clear my head of any of the fate notions if I were you. Good luck!

 

Thanks but I'm not waiting for him to come back. I actually had you in mind when I said that, was it 9 years later you reunited with your partner? The CBT takes anywhere between 6weeks and 6 months, the other types of therapy might be longer but I'm hoping for a timescale of a year. I feel like now I'm out of the relationship I might not get the most out of the therapy since I will not have the triggers that really set me off. I want to move back to my home town like I planned to before I met him. I'm very isolated down here but I think that is going to work to my advantage during therapy.

[Batya33]

We reconciled almost 8 years after we broke up and definitely it could be spun as a story of fate, and "you know when you know" and that's one version but the version I like better involves both of us really wanting it to work, both of us having made internal changes over the time period we were apart, and both of us being ready for the additional time and effort it took to reconcile since we were long distance for much of that second courtship (and during the first time around we lived 10 blocks away from each other for most of the courtship).

 

Good luck! I would be very flexible about the timescale as therapy is certainly not an exact science.

[thornz]

We reconciled almost 8 years after we broke up and definitely it could be spun as a story of fate, and "you know when you know" and that's one version but the version I like better involves both of us really wanting it to work, both of us having made internal changes over the time period we were apart, and both of us being ready for the additional time and effort it took to reconcile since we were long distance for much of that second courtship (and during the first time around we lived 10 blocks away from each other for most of the courtship).

 

Good luck! I would be very flexible about the timescale as therapy is certainly not an exact science.

 

I asked for a performance review at work today, my contract runs out on the 19th June so will be asking whether they intend to take me on permanently. I'm always running away so I feel like I really ought to stay put until I see myself through this and get out of the habit of trying to escape my problems instead of confronting them.