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Please help! Any advice is appreciated!


elovex

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My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. Up until then our relationship was basically perfect. We spoke to each other very kindly, he was very romantic towards me. We never really fought or anything. He was very supportive of my goals, and always pushed me to do better. He was also very good at dealing with my anxiety and was incredibly patient every time I had an attack. I helped him with his schoolwork and motivated him to get into the schools that he wanted. It was a very supportive and loving relationship. The only issue I would say that we had was that we had become too comfortable and had fallen into a routine. He is an EMT and I am a nursing student, so we are basically always tired and busy. Our dates went from being extravagant and fun to napping or watching Netflix. On top of this, he recently turned 21 and so he has been going out a lot with his friends while i got left at home alone. I started becoming concerned with how often he was drinking, and this led to the fight that caused us to break up.

 

When we broke up, he simply said that although we love each other, there is not really any excitement any more and that both of us needed some time to work on ourselves. He said he needed time to be young and have fun. He kept kissing me and touching me and we were going back and forth between crying and kissing and telling each other we loved each other until he finally just broke up with me out of nowhere. A few hours later, he texted me saying "I still care about you a lot, this isn't goodbye forever, just for right now". I asked him what he meant, and he said that we both needed to focus on our own goals for right now, but if our paths happened to cross when we were ready to be together, that it could happen again. He also said " people who love each other are never far apart." It has been very hard to move on, as I feel like I have been holding onto this sense of hope that we'll be together again or that he'll change his mind.

 

This has become even more confusing as a few days later, he sent me a long rambling text about how he "thinks he made a mistake" and needs more time to think about it. He told me he almost started crying that day, because he thought of me when he got his assignment that I helped him on back. He just keeps telling me over and over that he needs more time, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. He has not reached out to me since, and I am very confused by all these mixed signals. He also keeps watching my snapchat and instagram stories almost as soon as I post them. I know it's petty to be checking if he sees them, but I can't help myself. On the other hand though, I saw that he had added younger girls on facebook. I am so confused by what he means, as he sends me long texts about how I am the sweetest girl he's ever met and we'll be together someday, but he continues to party and talk to other girls.

 

I still have his house and spare care keys, and he has not asked for them back. I have been NC with him since our breakup, other than telling him that we should talk in person when he texted me. I have class with him tomorrow and I don't know how to act around him or how it will go. What should I do if he tries to approach me? I am so confused by all of these mixed signals and I don't know if I can wait much longer. I just want him to either fight for me back, or tell me it's over so that I can move on.

 

I am still so incredibly upset by the breakup, and am still deeply in love with him. We were very much compatible together and had a great, fun and loving relationship. We simply fell into a routine, which is something that I think can be easily fixed. No matter how much I try to hate him for breaking my heart, I just can't. Every time I think of him, all I can do is smile. It is unbearable to keep waiting for a text or call, or to keep hoping he'll show up at my door. I have been riddled with anxiety and depression since the breakup. I just want him to make his decision, but I know I can't beg or force it.

 

Please help me understand what he means. Is there a chance, and should I keep waiting?

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He already made his decision when he broke up with you. No, don't keep waiting for him. Speaking from experience, that won't get you anywhere. You'll be tethered to your phone hoping for a message or call while he's out having a grand ol' time at the club - sound like fun? It's not.

 

People who love each other and want to be together don't break up. Him telling you that people "who love each other are never far apart" sounds like a quote he read online and is regurgitating for your benefit. Perhaps that's his inexperience speaking, but if he really wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. It's that simple.

 

Look, he's young and wants to be free and experience partying, clubbing and so on. Let him go. A guy who is that confused is going to break your heart again if you let him. Perhaps he met someone else on one these nights out, perhaps he wants to date around more before settling down.

 

Ask him not to contact you unless/until he wants to talk about reconciliation. Him sending these woe-is-me messages is not helping you, because he still hasn't asked you to try again.

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He already made his decision when he broke up with you. No, don't keep waiting for him. Speaking from experience, that won't get you anywhere. You'll be tethered to your phone hoping for a message or call while he's out having a grand ol' time at the club - sound like fun? It's not.

 

People who love each other and want to be together don't break up. Him telling you that people "who love each other are never far apart" sounds like a quote he read online and is regurgitating for your benefit. Perhaps that's his inexperience speaking, but if he really wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. It's that simple.

 

Look, he's young and wants to be free and experience partying, clubbing and so on. Let him go. A guy who is that confused is going to break your heart again if you let him. Perhaps he met someone else on one these nights out, perhaps he wants to date around more before settling down.

 

Ask him not to contact you unless/until he wants to talk about reconciliation. Him sending these woe-is-me messages is not helping you, because he still hasn't asked you to try again.

I agree. I also think it is selfish to keep you hanging.

 

If he loved you, he would be with you. It sounds like he wants to go out with friends and date others. The other stuff was a bunch of crap!

 

Do not ever wait around for someone. He let you go, with the risk of losing you. Do not respond to texts or phone call, unless he wants a full reconciliation.

 

Do you have a counselor?

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Agree with the others. If someone's sending you conflicting messages, stop worrying about how they feel about you and concentrate instead on how YOU are feeling. Is this a state you want to maintain, in the hope that this party guy will throw you a few crumbs and keep you on the back burner?

 

You don't have to wait for him to tell you it's over. He already has - although he's still stringing you along - and now you need to move on without his permission.

 

You will be attending class. Just be polite and professional as if he were an acquaintance; a place of study is not somewhere you should be discussing relationship issues - so keep them firmly outside the door. You'll be very glad you kept your dignity!

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he still cares about you but since turning 21 want to exercise his freedom and party etc. Just treat him like a fellow student in class.

 

Stay no contact and try to refocus on yourself school, your family, friends etc. Also after being in a rut, start a self rebuilding program. Get in shape, new clothes, hair, etc. Join some new study groups and join some clubs or organization on campus. Broaden your horizons and enjoy your freedom.

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