Girlfriend on holiday/ ungrateful present

[RKO]

Been with my girlfriend now 5 months, this weekend she has gone away with her sister and friends for her sisters hen do for 4 nights.

 

Before she went I sent her flowers to her work, it fell on our 1st date anniversary so sent some as a quirky thing, have a great time away and happy 1st date anniversary. In my mind nothing wrong with that?

 

Long story short I had to text her later that day to see if she had them because heard nothing, she said yes she did but please don't ever do it again as she was so shy and embarrassed with it and likes to keep work and private life seperate... fair enough I thought but very ungrateful as she didn't (still hasn't) even said a thank you for them.

She admitted she sounded ungrateful but would have rather I delivered them in person (couldn't do this as she was with her sister that night)

 

So she's away now until weds, I said to her let me know if she could that she got there ok, which she did, albeit a good few hours after arriving and said that internet is bad there and hopes I have a good weekend. The text suggesting not needing a reply.

 

So I still haven't heard anyhting because of this bad internet yet she's updated all social media regularly with pics of her time away, she even liked a few insta pics I put up this weekend...

 

I don't expect her to be messaging constantly at all but it's unlike her not to now and again.

 

Do I have anyhting to be worried about here? Up until this we have been so perfect together, no arguements, very much in love and happy so it's a bit out of the blue to be like this.

 

Or is it the end of the honeymoon period?

[thealchemist]

With the information given it could easily go either way. I would just ask her. I don't like getting any presents at all from my spouse and act weirdly with it. It could mean something also. It doesn't sound far enough gone to worry. Just have an honest open conversation with her about it.

[RKO]

With the information given it could easily go either way. I would just ask her. I don't like getting any presents at all from my spouse and act weirdly with it. It could mean something also. It doesn't sound far enough gone to worry. Just have an honest open conversation with her about it.

 

Ask her about the flowers? I already did and she replied exactly like you, said she's weird with it and doesn't know how to act. I take that on board. Just a little peeved that I had to text her to see if she had them or not

[j.man]

I'm with Team Girlfriend on this one. You ran the risk when you chose a spectacle as a gift. Personally, I'm very much pro-separation of work and personal life, particularly so if we're talking romances only a few months old. While I'm big on courtesy and graciousness, especially with gifts, your act was as much a self-serving public gesture as it was a "gift" and thus I don't think as deserving or entitled to an "aw thanks" as it otherwise would be.

 

Let her enjoy her time away with her sister and friends and let the incident go. Maybe even apologize for making the incident about her lack of appreciation rather than understanding that you crossed her boundaries, even if completely inadvertently. Otherwise just continue on as normal.

[hyden]

It seems like you sent the flowers as a way to force her to contact you while she was away with her sister and are upset because that didn't happen. Combo that with her being shy and embarrassed by their arrival...and that's why she didn't respond. The fact that you are upset that she isn't on her phone texting back and forth with you when she is supposed to be having fun with her sister, really echo's the insecurity issue.

 

Leave her be, touch base with her when she comes back. Apologize for embarrassing her. Work on your insecurities or you will destroy the relationship.

[DancingFool]

Still very early going to be honest and all you are really doing is learning about each other.

 

Regarding flowers - what was your intention with them? To make her happy or to receive gratitude? Think on that. Bottom line is that you did something that she already told you that she really didn't appreciate at all and was clear in her request that you don't do it again. You are still expecting gratitude why?

 

Outside of that, you are coming across as a bit clingy and it seems she is pushing back against that. She is away on a hen do and enjoying herself. She doesn't seem to have any desire to keep reporting to you or any need. She is a grown woman capable of traveling without paternal supervision. Also, it's not like she totally ignored you. You are just picking at the fact that she didn't contact you immediately on arrival, which is actually a bit absurd on your part. Honestly, you might be learning here of some differences between the two of you in terms of need for communication while away. Hers seems to be pretty low and yours seems to be very high.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It was a thoughtful gesture. 5 mos is not like after one date, but some people do separate work/private. Yeah, she could have said something like that...thanks, thoughtful etc, but work is a no go etc.

 

Don't worry about it. You are handling everything just fine..no crowding, etc. Wait until she gets back and just resume regular dating and contact.

I sent her flowers to her work. likes to keep work and private life seperate...

a good few hours after arriving and said that internet is bad there and hopes I have a good weekend. she's updated all social media regularly with pics of her time away, she even liked a few insta pics I put up this weekend...

[Starlight925]

I see your point, and I'd be hurt by that as well.

 

My boyfriend sends me little gifts, or flowers, etc., and I always take a photo to send him, with a thank-you message. I even did this the other day when he sent me a card in the mail. It's just a nice gesture.

 

Once, he sent flowers which were delivered and left in the back of my home, and I didn't see them. He called and asked if I got anything, because on his end, it said they were delivered. He just said it was so unlike me to not let him know I got them, and express my appreciation. I completely understood his confusion. He also sent me flowers once to a hotel, and they were left in the room, and I thought they were just there from the hotel...silly, I know. I missed the card! Same thing....he just asked me about them, and I realized what happened.

 

I look at it this way: If a guy gives a gift of any kind, be it flowers, balloons, a small card....and whether it's in private, public, by horse & buggy.....it deserves acknowledgement and appreciation.

 

She could very well have expressed her appreciation, and kindly said that since she prefers to keep work and personal life separate, next time, she'd love for them to be given in person. She could say this in such a sweet, charming way that you'd appreciate her response. She chose to ignore your gift, chastise you for the way in which it was given, and ignore you. Childish, in my book.

[j.man]

Also, I've never in my life heard of a 5-month "first date anniversary." Was that your idea or hers? Sounds cringy.

[DancingFool]

Also, I've never in my life heard of a 5-month "first date anniversary." Was that your idea or hers? Sounds cringy.

 

Cringy? Maybe not. Clingy, definitely. Seems like since she was about to go away for a a few days, the OP did this huge attention grab and now is not happy that it didn't work out as planned and she didn't spend her whole time away fawning all over him in gratitude. Heck, he didn't even give her a chance to compose herself about the flowers at least until after work, but instead jumped on her while she was still at work and dealing with the awkwardness of all that. Yeah, OP, whoever said that your insecurities will wreck your relationship was bang on target.

[SherrySher]

I personally don't see anything wrong with what you did. Most girls would have found it very sweet and in fact, most are upset that their boyfriends don't do things like this or pay them attention like this.

You are right, this is the honeymoon stage and you want to romance her, nothing wrong with that.

 

But her being embarrassed might have been a combination of her shyness and her not being ready for something more serious as to let it be known at work that she is dating. I would feel that is something to take note of.

 

Now she has backed away and is telling you that her internet is not working very well, even though she is doing fine being on all other social media. Again, she might not be as interested in things or as serious about things as you are.

 

If you want things to work out with her, then let this go and see how it goes when she returns.

Maybe try not to overthink it until she tells you directly that it's not working for her.

But I do think you need to fall back a bit and take notice of how she responded to you. It could be a warning sign that you need to watch out for.

[RKO]

Thanks for your swift replies, tom summarise...

I sent flowers for one reason and one reason only, to put a smile on her face.

 

I GET the whole work thing, it's just her not reaching out to tell me, and me having to chase to see. Not on in my book at all.

 

Her work people know about me, everyone knows about us, as I said it's been perfect, nothing to hide.

 

As for texting on holiday, I don't expect every minute, but I do expect a little here and there, for me it's the done thing and being polite.

 

More I think of it the more I'm sure she's either just head in the clouds or just pulling back

[RKO]

Heck, he didn't even give her a chance to compose herself about the flowers at least until after work, but instead jumped on her while she was still at work and dealing with the awkwardness of all that. .

 

I waited 7 hours after delivery, she was at home when I text to see if she had them. Not sure where you got the above from

[mustlovedogs]

Also, I've never in my life heard of a 5-month "first date anniversary." Was that your idea or hers? Sounds cringy.

 

Agreed x10000. If you sent them to be sweet, fine. But what the heck is a first date anniversary? You met on a Thursday so have Thursday flowers? You met on the 14th day of a month so day 14 flowers?

 

Celebrate real, true milestones.

[RKO]

Agreed x10000. If you sent them to be sweet, fine. But what the heck is a first date anniversary? You met on a Thursday so have Thursday flowers? You met on the 14th day of a month so day 14 flowers?

 

Celebrate real, true milestones.

It was sent in jest, as a joke we have between us on the 12th of every month.

[DancingFool]

I waited 7 hours after delivery, she was at home when I text to see if she had them. Not sure where you got the above from

 

My apologies about that. I was under impression you were texting her shortly after delivery.

 

Above aside, if your intention is purely selfless, then it should come without any expectations or strings attached. You have already demonstrated that this gift in fact did have strings and expectations attached and you are not happy because they weren't met. Not saying that you are wrong in your expectation of at least a thank you, but.....just be honest about it and say straight up - when I give a gift, even if not appreciated, I still expect a thank you from the recipient. Don't pull this bs of "I just wanted to make you smile, it was all about you, but I'm totally miffed that you didn't thank me for it." That's just being passive aggressive and it's unattractive.

 

If you feel strongly upset by her lack of manners, then address it with her when she comes briefly and directly. Basically air it out so you are not holding in resentment. If you are not that upset, then file it away as something to keep an eye on and let it go this time. However, do keep an eye on her behavior and if she demonstrates lack of basic manners in the future as well.

[Giblesp]

Look, having been there myself if a woman is ungrateful for a present that I give her, I'll just end it. That plus 'weak internet, don't contact me while I'm away partying,' and then posting stuff on social media.

 

You get the doormat treatment otherwise; she knows she's disrespecting you and if she sees you putting up with it she'll feel that your weak.

[Rezie]

I would absolutely hate getting flowers deliver to my office. Especially to something so random as 5 month anniversary. I would say I appreciate the thought but don't do that again. So could be that she is a bit confused by the gesture and need a a minute to compose herself and can't really see your point of view since it is so opposite to hers. This happened to 2 of my colleagues in different works. I was very embarrassed on their behalf and it was such a cringy moment. Well the other one did enjoy the attention..

 

And now she is at her sisters bachelorette party. She has responded to your message So she is not ignoring you. She just wants some space. She has been out of town with her family and friends partying. Maybe saying about the slow internet was her trying to tell you to give her a bit of space without being rude. Or she is the type.of person that doesn't want to be in contact with boyfriend when she is having a weekend full of fun stuff.

 

Maybe after this you should talk and you can say that you understand that she wasn't keen on the present (if you understand) but you meant well. And you can say that you expected a thank you. The you could say that saying about the internet and still posting pictures hurt you and ask for the real reason.

 

I don't think nothing too serious has happened between you two. Have a good talk and take this as a learning experience for the 6 month anniversary.

[Rezie]

Look, having been there myself if a woman is ungrateful for a present that I give her, I'll just end it.

 

That's quite harsh. Shouldn't the present be given to bring joy to the receiver? If they don't show an appropriate ammount of gratefulness to a present they feel caused them public embarrassments (even if not the purpose) you would just break up?

[Giblesp]

That's quite harsh. Shouldn't the present be given to bring joy to the receiver? If they don't show an appropriate ammount of gratefulness to a present they feel caused them public embarrassments (even if not the purpose) you would just break up?

 

I wouldn't do what the OP did, but that's not to imply that he's wrong.

 

Yes, I personally would break up at that point. Reason being, the polarity of the relationship just got screwed as she now associates a gift as an embarrassment. Also, 'weak internet,' then posting stuff on social media while away partying is a sign of trouble to come. I'm a bit older, have growing responsibilities and can't be bothered with indications of low interest.

 

It's possible she will end it herself when she gets back, after a fling during party time. Sorry to have to say that OP.

[RKO]

I wouldn't do what the OP did, but that's not to imply that he's wrong.

 

Yes, I personally would break up at that point. Reason being, the polarity of the relationship just got screwed as she now associates a gift as an embarrassment. Also, 'weak internet,' then posting stuff on social media while away partying is a sign of trouble to come. I'm a bit older, have growing responsibilities and can't be bothered with indications of low interest.

 

It's possible she will end it herself when she gets back, after a fling during party time. Sorry to have to say that OP.

 

All is well now, had a little chat over the flowers thing, it was just that it went to her work that bugged her as she is worried it looked unprofessional (important job in hospital) so my bad.

 

Texting thing I didn't mention after reading this and thinking I might be a bit needy or clingy. We went away this weekend and met some of her other friends, they were saying they text her on holiday but she didn't reply and she gave them same story of internet not being great and busy partying. At least I got replies.

 

All is well. Thanks for your posts