What do i do now????

[E111s]

Me and my ex gf of 5 years split up 2 months ago, I was distraught, went through the pain and have come out a much better person with new found passions and attractive qualities. My ex has been fine since the breakup (or so she makes out to the world) but something spectacular happened last night. We had bought a house together to which we are drawing up an agreement on how to deal with it and I met with her late last night to check over the general contents of the agreement. She seemed happy with the contents and I thought that was the end of it, but she asked if I would like a drink to which I didn't think there was any harm. I am in a position where I am getting over her, I am speaking to other girls and I am improving my own life. We talked and she was very inquisitive about who I was meeting, and seeing and cooking meals for (carefully planted posts on snapchat) but her response was that she was happy for me if I was seeing someone (Not entirely sure I believe this). I didn't take much notice of this as she is very stubborn and wouldn't expect her to say anything else. We then spoke about our relationship and the breakup again making it clear that we both didn't have any intention of getting back together (Although of course secretly I would love that), and she got very upset. She told me that she has been an emotional wreck for the past week, not knowing what the future held for her, not enjoying not coming home to no one, essentially she was regretting her decision. How do I know - she said to me "You can tell me that you told me so if you like" (I had told her along with a lot of people that she would regret it). She hasn't talked to anyone about this because she has to appear strong to everyone but naturally I have a way of breaking her down and getting to the root of the issues. Although she regrets it she has said too much has happened to go back (I think that she is scared of my family which is silly and also doesn't want to hurt her own pride). I told her that if pride is the only thing stopping you getting what you want then its a poor excuse.

 

So this is my predicament - I have done a bit of no contact (not easy with the house situation), I have made it clear I am moving on/moved on and are dating other women, she is regretting her decision but her stubbornness/pride is holding her back.

 

I want her back, we were a good couple and she even acknowledged last night "Right couple - wrong time". We had a lot of bad news towards the end of last year which put a strain on our relationship and caused it to eventually end. What do I do? I don't want to crumble and tell her that I love her and think we should try again as I feel like that gives her the power back and she will probably be ok with that. I don't want to sit around waiting for her text saying she misses me. I don't want to move on as in a matter of time she will get better as have I over time, I feel like if there is any chance of reconcile it is now whilst she is regretting it!! Do I make the move, do I stay NC, do I wait for her? Any help is gratefully received.

[glitterfingers]

Would probably try and arrange to casually start seeing her regularly again, no sex at the moment, just hanging out to figure out if the love and spark is still there and if the feelings come to the surface. You should gently bring up the topic of where you guys stand but not immediately, just soon enough that she understands that there is still a chance with you and that if you keep seeing each other that would preclude either of you from dating other people.

 

As for what to do right now, take a breather, preferably sleep on it if you can, and message her once you figure out what you want. What were the issues that caused you to break up and are they things that you guys can work on while being 'together but apart'? Like acknowledging that you're not seeing other people but taking off the pressure of getting back to where you were and all the sex/emotions/life plans

[E111s]

Would probably try and arrange to casually start seeing her regularly again, no sex at the moment, just hanging out to figure out if the love and spark is still there and if the feelings come to the surface. You should gently bring up the topic of where you guys stand but not immediately, just soon enough that she understands that there is still a chance with you and that if you keep seeing each other that would preclude either of you from dating other people.

 

As for what to do right now, take a breather, preferably sleep on it if you can, and message her once you figure out what you want. What were the issues that caused you to break up and are they things that you guys can work on while being 'together but apart'? Like acknowledging that you're not seeing other people but taking off the pressure of getting back to where you were and all the sex/emotions/life plans

 

Thanks GlitterFingers. The feelings are definitely still there on my part, and I think the regret suggests they are on her part too. We pretty much agreed last night that of course we still love each other (how can we not after being such big parts of each others lives), but are not in love anymore - that's time for ya! She see's that as a problem but I said to her, when we first started we weren't in love and then we had probably the best 5 years anyone could ask for. I made it clear that I didn't want to be friends with her because I would always look at her differently and that's not healthy so I wonder how I can arrange to meet her now given that I've said that.

 

I agree, a few days at least before any contact is made. I know that she talks to my sister quite a bit so I am hoping my ex contacts her and then my sister can point her in the right direction (my sister done the same as my ex did to me and regrets it every day, so my ex has been speaking to her about things). We broke up because we grew apart, a lot happened in our personal lives that made us distant from each other (she was failing exams, never had money, wasn't enjoying life) (I lost my granddad and went into a bubble to grieve). But now, out of the two of us, it is clear that I am the happier person, her leaving me kickstarted me, helped me to grieve over my granddad and has made me happy and the person I was before. I think she see's that which is now why she regrets her decisions. So yes, if we got back together, I don't think there would be any problems as there isn't really much to work on and I think she knows that, but her pride is too much!!

[Keyman]

While there does seem like there is a lot of love still there between you both, there was a reason for the break up. If you got together again, whose to say this won't come up again and just be delaying the inevitable?

 

Of course she is regretting the decision, it is a standard part of the breakup process - somewhere between denial and depression. She still has this vast emptiness in her heart where you were and she can't find a way to fill it. She's porbably tried sleeping with someone and found that didn't do it, she's likely tried dating as well, again without being able to fill it. Eventually (hopefully) she will figure that the only way to fill it is with herself.

 

You seem to be coping better and you have been filling the gap with yourself, learning to be happy, to grieve for your grandfather etc.

[No1]

If you have an open and friendly relationship still. Why dont you just flat out ask her? Cut thru the games and the decoding and the wondering and just meet up and ask her. Then see whats up. If she seems receptive, then suggest couples counseling to get over the issues that contributed to the break up.

If she says no, then you have your absolution and you can transtion from relationship to friendship. Until then, youll be wondering and in limbo.

 

thats my two cents.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. At least you are getting the house situation squared away so it will make it easier to move forward. It sounds like she's given it a lot of consideration and is done, despite lingering feelings, nostalgia, etc.

 

Try not to revolve your life around getting her back with cryptic social media, trying to get her jealous and all the horrible advice from those 'get your ex back' sites. Do the self-improvements and dating for you, not to 'craft an image' on social media hoping she sees it/cares

 

It's just prolonging the pain and clearly has no impact on her decisions, as you can see with her wanting to move forward with severing all former ties. Moving out and selling joint homes/assets is a huge and permanent step away from a relationship..

We had bought a house together to which we are drawing up an agreement on how to deal with it and I met with her late last night to check over the general contents of the agreement. she has said too much has happened to go back. she even acknowledged last night "Right couple - wrong time".