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left after 7.5 years and a child together


JSP31

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My partner and I had been together for 7.5 years shortly after we got together we both got into opiods and later found out she had been using somewhat before we got together. It seemed to me we had a great relationship for 5-6 years. We had a child together in our 5th year together and were both doing treatment to stay off of opiods. I feel like the problems started when I lost my father a year after our son was born. I started to get depressed and had just lost 2gpas in the year before that. we had an issue with our landlord just after my father passed away and ended up moving into my moms in a kind of "all of a sudden move"...The whole time we were living at my moms we were focused on getting saved up and buying our own house and i started working alot and my job is dealing with angry customers most of the day and I was dealing with depression from the loss of so many family members in a short period of time and just became emotionally and physically absent to her while I was trying to sort everything out in my own head. She went ice cold beginning of November after a blowout fight and stayed at a gf's house. She did cone back but I noticed she started being on her phone all the time and later came to find out she was texting a guy from school many years ago 50-75 times a day. I begged and pleaded her that i knew i was in a rut and gave her my reasons why and asked for the opportunity to show her change but she decided to move out in 01/2017 to live with her brother. She says shes not seeing anyone and that the guy was just there for her to talk to since I wasnt but this was during the time when I was busting my ass to show i understood what i did wrong and make changes. She said she needed time and space and that she doesnt know what she wants and that I hurt her and it caused her to change/evolve/grow. We have a child together so i cant go no contact and ive made the mistakes of begging/pleading for just one chance as we had never broken up before in 7.5 years but even today after almost 6 months apart and me busting my butt to show her I do care she still wont barely give me the time of day except doing dinner with our son once a week. I really do love this woman and woukd give/do anything to earn her back. If anyone has some solid advice for me since theres a child involved I would greatly appreciate it, Thank You.

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It sounds like you need to create your life to revolve around you and your son, NOT NOT NOT about showing her that you care. No more showing her that you care. You care about your son and you are his dad and you need to redirect your thoughts to making a good life for YOU and your son, NOT her.

Keep working hard, exercise, go to NA meetings and activities, go out with friends, get involved in a new hobby that you've always been interested in, etc. Stay busy and focus on building a new life without her.

What is your visitation with your son? I'd suggest instead of doing a family dinner once a week you make it time for just you and your son. Spending this family time together every week isn't helping you get over her either. You can change that to quality father/son time instead.

Also, if you feel like you need to see a counselor or a doctor for further help with your depression, please do. Hugs.

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It sounds like you need to create your life to revolve around you and your son, NOT NOT NOT about showing her that you care. No more showing her that you care. You care about your son and you are his dad and you need to redirect your thoughts to making a good life for YOU and your son, NOT her.

Keep working hard, exercise, go to NA meetings and activities, go out with friends, get involved in a new hobby that you've always been interested in, etc. Stay busy and focus on building a new life without her.

What is your visitation with your son? I'd suggest instead of doing a family dinner once a week you make it time for just you and your son. Spending this family time together every week isn't helping you get over her either. You can change that to quality father/son time instead.

Also, if you feel like you need to see a counselor or a doctor for further help with your depression, please do. Hugs.

 

I am seeing a counselor and dr for meds..not seeimg to help so far...il be fine for a week then result right back to asking her for a second chance to prove myself

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STOP asking her for a second chance!! You probably push her away even further every time you do that, just stop already. Make a list of a bunch of things to do instead of degrading yourself like this. When you feel the urge come on to start obsessing over her, make yourself do something else (go for a walk, take a shower, take a nap, call a friend, cook, bake, run, go get some coffee, go to a meeting, write in a journal, get on here and read people's stories and offer help, volunteer somewhere, etc). This has worked for me, hopefully it can help you, too.

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Sorry to hear this. Focus on staying clean for the sake of your son. Get more therapy and attend sobriety support regularly.

 

Focus on being the best man and dad you can be. Not for her, for yourself and your son. Only communicate about custody/visitation and child support. Is she still using? If so, try to get custody if you have family who can help you.

We had a child together in our 5th year together and were both doing treatment to stay off of opiods. we had an issue with our landlord and ended up moving into my moms in a kind of "all of a sudden move".. she decided to move out in 01/2017 to live with her brother.
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