jessicaleax Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 It's a long story, but basically my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 and a half years, but have been friends for 2 and a half years. We get along so well, we click in every other aspect of my life but the continuous problem we've had for ages is his priorities. My boyfriend plays 1st grade soccer, meaning he gets paid to play and is trying to make it to A-league (mind you he is 25 years old which is quite old for a soccer career and if he hasn't made A league yet it's unlikely to happen.) Soccer takes up a lot of his time, he works Monday - Friday as a physiotherapist (minus Wednesday), but Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday night he trains from 6pm-9pm for soccer. So I usually only see him on weekends or on Wednesdays. Issue is now, he works Saturday 9am-5pm as a physiotherapist and on Sunday he has his soccer game. So I basically just see him Wednesday unless I go to his house Saturday night and watch his game Sunday. Soccer has always gotten in the way from my opinion because of his contract he can't miss training days, we can't go out on weekends & we can't go on holidays between January - October. We've had loads of fights about missing out on things because of soccer. I recently just beat cancer for the third time and I wanted to go travel and really enjoy the life I almost lost but that's not possible with him. After all our petty little fights I still love him and although it frustrates the hell out of me that we can't spend that much time together I've accepted it's his passion and he loves it and I'll support his dreams. Yesterday we were driving to his soccer game, I was in the car behind him, he and his Mum were in the car in front. We were around a slippery bend, my car skidded off the road, I hit a barrier and smashed the front of my car, the side, and damaged 4 panels. I am unable to have my car looked at for a month but my parents think it is a write off - which SUCKS, but that's not what I'm most upset about. I called my boyfriend crying hysterically, very shaken and scared saying I've just crashed my car. He asked if I was injured, which I wasn't, and I just couldn't speak because I was so upset. I asked "aren't you going to turn around?!" and he said "But I'll be late to my game" and in the background I heard his Mum say "we can't go back, you'll be late for your game" (she was driving.) By then two random strangers had come across me and come to my aid as I was a crying, blubbering mess. The man took my phone and spoke to my boyfriend letting him know more detail that my panels were smashed but I was physically okay. From that the man rang my Mum, and organised her to come and get me with my friend to get my car home (I live an hour and a half from my boyfriends house.) As I sat and waited for my Mum my boyfriend was texting me asking if I was okay, I was really upset telling him I was sad he didn't turn around and very confused as to why. He wouldn't have missed his game at all, because the team have to get there an hour and a half before the game starts. All I wanted him to do was turn around, as he was only 2 seconds in front of me, at least just give me a hug and then leave for his game. Just the fact he'd turn around to check I was okay. I don't know how he could have continued onto his game and not felt guilty that he'd left me on the side of the road, with a smashed car, shaken and crying with only the help of strangers. After my Mum and friend picked me up we had a long talk and they agreed with why I feel so upset and offended that once again soccer was the priority, and turning around to see that I was okay when I'd just crashed was not. That night he and his Mum turned up un-announced at my house to "see that I was okay" - a little too late and convenient that it was after the game (the most important thing to him.) I couldn't look at either of them and went upstairs, bursting into tears again. My Mum explained to them why I was upset, and his Mum tried to take the blame saying "I was the one driving and I didn't want to turn around cause he would be late" - the argument went on for a while with my Mum attempting to get them to understand creating scenarios such as "if it were your son would you have turned around, if it was your husband, etc" but they never got it. My boyfriend went upstairs to see me and I told him how upset I was and told him there would be nothing more important to me than knowing he was okay and that if I left him on the road and continued on my way I'd feel so guilty and awful, and he said "well that is how I feel." I think he now understands he did the wrong thing but my heart is just broken knowing that in the moment I needed him most he didn't turn around and just left me there telling me to just call my insurance company to tow my car. I need advice because I just don't think this is something I can get past. Not only now is it incredibly awkward between his Mum and I, especially for me knowing that as a Mother she still didn't care and turn around to check on me, but now I feel like I can't depend on my boyfriend and it's almost as if this was an enormous test and he completely failed. Please let me know what you think of this, what you would have done in the moment for your girlfriend/friend and whether you think I should break up with him. I love him so much but I'm just so incredibly hurt and feel like I'm absolutely worthless, because a 90 minute game he plays every single Sunday came first. I wouldn't have even asked him to miss the game, I just needed someone because I was frantic, upset and alone in HIS neighbourhood and I thought he would care, but he didn't. Link to comment
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