Military Husband Drinking

[diamonds247]

So my husband is in the military and likes to go out and drink and have a good time. Not every weekend but maybe once or twice a month. He said he needs to do it to relieve stress from his job. Not a huge deal.

 

What bothers me is that whenever he drinks he always has to drink to the point where he blacks out. He recently said to me that if he can't drink to get wasted then he doesn't want to drink. We were talking about going to a party thrown by my boss. My boss is very chill but i don't want him going and getting black out drunk just because there will be an open bar and just because he can. When he starts drinking he usually gets to a certain point where he won't listen to me if I ask him to slow down or calm down if he gets too touchy-feely towards me in public.

 

He is never abusive in anyway or anything like that but I have an alcoholic father so these things really bother me and he doesn't get it because drinking and getting trashed is normal to his family. So how do I recommend for him to learn his limits so that we can go out and have a few drinks, maybe get a good buzz on without me having to be worried about him getting completely trashed?

 

TIA

[Starlight925]

When you say "blacks out," does he literally black out? As in, not remember his actions? How does he behave while drunk? Is he a louder, more enhanced version of himself, or does a different side come up?

[Seraphim]

I would not bring him. He IS going to get trashed.

[Snny]

He is never abusive in anyway or anything like that but I have an alcoholic father so these things really bother me and he doesn't get it because drinking and getting trashed is normal to his family.

Curious question: why did you marry him knowing he has this problem?

 

I grew up with an alcoholic grandfather. It was enough for my mom to marry a non-alcoholic. We all used to live with him, but by the time I was 3, my mom didn't want his alcoholism influencing me. We moved out. He later committed suicide due to alcoholism/depression.

 

It's a huge red flag that your husband drinks to pass out cold. It's one thing to grab a beer or two to unwind with friends, but it's another story to pass out drunk at a bar (not to mention doing it twice a month). Not healthy at all. He really needs professional help.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, you can't limit him. Do not invite him to any professionally related events where alcohol is served. That's the only boundary you have. Never enable by driving, covering, compensating and all the other things you saw at home.

 

As you know, arguing with a drunk is pointless and so is nagging, fixing. changing, etc. Don't repeat ineffective dysfunctional patterns learned at home.

 

He may not be an alcoholic or abuse alcohol regularly but he is a problem drinker. Attend some Al Anon meetings for info, help and support for loved ones of drinkers.:

maybe once or twice a month. whenever he drinks he always has to drink to the point where he blacks out. i don't want him going and getting black out drunk just because there will be an open bar and just because he can.

[diamonds247]

When you say "blacks out," does he literally black out? As in, not remember his actions? How does he behave while drunk? Is he a louder, more enhanced version of himself, or does a different side come up?

 

Yes black out as in not remembering his actions. And yes he can be louder and a more enhanced version of himself.