How to become a guys priority and not a option???

[PJOMG0022]

So.... A few weeks ago an old acquaintance of mine texted me out of the blue and asked to meet up. I agreed and so a few days later I met up with him. It was a lovely evening and by the end of night he said that he always liked me and wanted to have casual hook up every now and then. He tried to kiss me but I refused and said I wanted to take things slow but I'm up for a causal hook up. At that point in my life I wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

On the second "date" we made out and he wanted to have sex in the toilet but I refused and said I don't work like that and would perfer a nice bed. He said ok and a few days later asked me to come over his place. He asked me to come early morning cuz he wanted to spend the entire day with me and I said I can come for the afternoon. Then the day before we were meant to meet up he said he wasn't able to do the whole day and can only do late at night around 8. I said I can't make it for 8 as I was gonna leave his place around that time as I needed to be somewhere else. So, I asked we should reschedule, he said ok. The next day I get a text from him saying he is not up for the hook up anymore. I told him it was a shame and that it's all good.

 

A week later I text him saying we should be friends and meet up to catch up cuz I felt guilty for some reason. He replied three days later saying sure and that he was free that day to meet up. I was busy that day and asked to meet up for Saturday instead, he said he was busy that day and that he can do Sunday, I agreed. When Saturday came I got a text from him saying he wanted to meet up on Saturday if I was still free instead of Sunday. I was free so I didn't mind and said ok. But while we were confirming the details he disappeared. Later on the day I texted him why he wanted to meet up if he wasn't going to go through with it. He never texted.

 

So, I moved on started seeing other people and a week or so later I was on a date and it didn't go so well and I left half an hour into the date. I was really nicely dressed and I didn't want my efforts to go to wasted. So I started calling my friends to see if anyone was free, it was extremely last minute so I didn't expect much and like I thought they were all busy. So I randomly texted the guy, thinking what's the worst that can happen and asked if he was free. He texted me straight away but he said that he was at work and he wasn't free in the evening. I asked him does he really need to work today. He goes not really so I told him to meet up and he can go when he needs to leave for the evening.

 

We met up and out of no where we had a streamy makeout session. Tbh I wasn't expecting it but I didn't mind it either. He said he wanted to meet up next week at his and I said I would like that. And later we went our separate ways. Later on I texted him that it was fun seeing him again cuz he had to rush and didn't get to say bye properly. Again he didn't reply. The next day which is today, I texted him something naughty but he hasn't replied. It's been a few hours now.

 

I don't know, I am new to hook up and causal things so wanted to know if this is normal and if I should keep him around. Tbh I think I may be starting to like him. Don't know if i should continue (cuz I do want to have sex with him) and assume this little crush would fade away. Or cut him off completely cuz he is just keeping me as a option for a rainy day.

And what if what I'm feeling is not a silly crush is there any way now for me to become his priority???

[Batya33]

I think with respect to this guy - no, the ship has sailed. You haven't been honest with yourself as far as what you want out of this -meaning, your actions don't reflect your thoughts that you probably don't want just a casual hook up and certainly you didn't just want to be friends with him ever - you're attracted to him and I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear about other women he's pursuing -which is how friends sometimes talk.

 

I was never into hook-up/casual sex but what would seem typical is that if either of you is horny, you call the other person and if that person feels the same and wants to meet up to hook up you make a plan to do so, you meet up, hook up, then go your separate ways. I think he's not replying because he's probably a little put off by how much you contact him and how forward you are in your sexual interest. Even though this is supposed to be a sexual arrangement, maybe lay off a little on the constant texting so that it's more mutual/reciprocal and ask him if he likes sexting - certainly if you're comfortable being all over him sexually and physically that should be a reasonable question to ask a sex buddy.

 

Finally, I would avoid him if he continues to say he wants to meet up and then doesn't follow through. I'd have the same opinion if you were talking about a developing friendship with a woman.

[PJOMG0022]

Thank you for taking the time to read through this and advising me. Tbh I really wasn't attracted to him but he was cute. So I agreed to hooking up. In the past few weeks I have gotten to know him a little and that's what got me liking him.

 

Personally, I do agree that I should lay off a little however I don't think I text alot. Tbh at the start he was the one texting me every now and then but I wasn't that interested in communicating so much, so I kept the conversation short. But, I think now that I am actually liking him the tables have kinda turned around.

 

It's a shame that it can't be more cuz I think if we do get to know one another properly our personality could compliment each other.

 

Thank you for your advice it has helped!

[j.man]

Don't do hookups / FWB. It's not for you.

 

You become a priority through seeking out guys who are looking to make a woman a priority. Then, through a long but healthy process, you both potentially grow into one for each other. Don't go into casual with the intention of achieving anything other than casual.

[PJOMG0022]

Yeah I agree with you. I can see realising later on that you actually like the guy isn't a healthy thing for you. It leaves you a little heat broken.

 

Thank you for taking your time to read through this and advising me. It has helped! 😊

[katrina1980]

Agree with j.man and to add, at first since you agreed to be nothing more than a casual hook up now and again, you demonstrated that he was not a priority for you, nor did you have an issue with your not being a priority for him.

 

THAT is the perception he formed of you, and even though now you feel differently, once a man (or anyone really) forms a perception of who you are, it is really hard to change that perception.

 

Going forward, if you want a man to treat you as a priority, which btw takes time dating and getting to know, don't ever agree to be FWB or a casual hookup now and again.

 

9 times out of 10, that is all you will ever be... to him.

[PJOMG0022]

I can see where I went wrong now. But I guess you live and you learn. I think I am going to end it completely. I know myself and if I continued hooking up with him I would get attached and that's not what I want if there is no way he is ever going to have mutual feelings for me too.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read through this and advising me. It has really helped me! 😊

[MissCanuck]

Don't bother with guys who only want a casual hookup. They're not going to prioritize you.

[Sportster2005]

. At that point in my life I wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

On the second "date" we made out and he wanted to have sex in the toilet but I refused and said I don't work like that and would perfer a nice bed.

 

 

And what if what I'm feeling is not a silly crush is there any way now for me to become his priority???

 

The beginning of your story doesn't make sense to the question.

 

You don't want anything serious, he wants sex. What do you care about being is priority??? It just doesn't make sense.

[nutbrownhare]

Yep - I think you've realised by now that the only way to get a guy to treat you as a priority rather than an option is to find someone with integrity who values you! This is likely to take longer than finding someone who just wants casual hookups.

 

There is nothing wrong with saying to people early on that you don't do 'casual'; this doesn't mean that you're looking for an engagement ring from everyone you meet, but that you respect yourself enough to get to know someone and decide whether you are a good fit and that they respect you - before any sleeping together. Even if you're not looking for anything serious, it doesn't mean that you're out there looking to be used for sex when it suits the other person - i.e. "a casual hookup every now and then". Sure, there are women who can cope with this emotionally, and the using is mutual, but hoping that someone will treat you as a priority in the context of a casual relationship is a contradiction in terms.

[ParisPaulette]

On the second "date" we made out and he wanted to have sex in the toilet

 

Bluntly speaking, people who wanna have sex with someone in the toilet on a second date (or any date for that matter, because ewwwww!) don't make anything a priority or anyone, except their you-know-what. And they never will. The disrespect is off the charts on this one.

 

I would have gotten up from the table, left him there, blocked and deleted him from all existence. That is so many levels of gross. You can do so much better it's not even funny. Value yourself more. I'm not even against casual sex, but usually they're not so cheap they think a bathroom will sub for a hotel room.

[katrina1980]

 

Bluntly speaking, people who wanna have sex with someone in the toilet on a second date (or any date for that matter, because ewwwww!). ..... disrespect is off the charts.

 

LOL, not sure why but I literally laughed out loud just now when reading this, so true!!!

 

Huge ewwwwww factor there, and on second date?

 

There is definitely a lesson to be learned from this, for sure!

[HeartGoesOn]

I've never heard of anyone having sex in a toilet, nor having said that in a joking way. Are you sure he's playing with a full deck?

[katrina1980]

I've never heard of anyone having sex in a toilet, nor having said that in a joking way. Are you sure he's playing with a full deck?

 

I'm thinking she meant in the bathroom? Like lifting her up on the sink or vanity, pulling down panties and going from there? Which sounds kinda hot if in a relationship, not a second date!

 

In some cultures, toilet = bathroom?

 

I don't know, just a thought, cause frankly not sure how doing it in the toilet would even work or be ever be enjoyable.

[nsolo]

"And what if what I'm feeling is not a silly crush is there any way now for me to become his priority??? "

 

This is kind of like asking, "Is there any way for me to make him or her fall in love with me?" Ultimately, no, there's not a real, for-certain way, in my opinion. You can only be the best you can be, continuing to work on shortcomings that are within you while putting one foot in front of the other as positively as possible. Eventually you will become someone's priority. Probably not this guy's, but someone's. (This guy clearly has something going on outside of you and him. Focus on dating others, in my opinion.)

[PJOMG0022]

Bluntly speaking, people who wanna have sex with someone in the toilet on a second date (or any date for that matter, because ewwwww!) don't make anything a priority or anyone, except their you-know-what. And they never will. The disrespect is off the charts on this one.

 

I would have gotten up from the table, left him there, blocked and deleted him from all existence. That is so many levels of gross. You can do so much better it's not even funny. Value yourself more. I'm not even against casual sex, but usually they're not so cheap they think a bathroom will sub for a hotel room.

 

Toilet = bathroom

 

But still it is still disrespectful. I agree but I guess I'm glad I didn't let it carry on for long.

 

Thanks for reading through this and advising me. It has really helped and I have officially deleted him.

 

 

[PJOMG0022]

I'm thinking she meant in the bathroom? Like lifting her up on the sink or vanity, pulling down panties and going from there? Which sounds kinda hot if in a relationship, not a second date!

 

In some cultures, toilet = bathroom?

 

I don't know, just a thought, cause frankly not sure how doing it in the toilet would even work or be ever be enjoyable.

 

Yeah toilet = bathroom in our culture.

[PJOMG0022]

"And what if what I'm feeling is not a silly crush is there any way now for me to become his priority??? "

 

This is kind of like asking, "Is there any way for me to make him or her fall in love with me?" Ultimately, no, there's not a real, for-certain way, in my opinion. You can only be the best you can be, continuing to work on shortcomings that are within you while putting one foot in front of the other as positively as possible. Eventually you will become someone's priority. Probably not this guy's, but someone's. (This guy clearly has something going on outside of you and him. Focus on dating others, in my opinion.)

 

Tbh I don't want him to fall in love with me or anything. I just wanted to get to know him better and honestly take it from there. But I guess an impression has already been made and there is no going back.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read through this and advising me. It has really helped

[ParisPaulette]

Tbh I don't want him to fall in love with me or anything. I just wanted to get to know him better and honestly take it from there. But I guess an impression has already been made and there is no going back.

 

Sometimes when we start to get to know a person we can just say, "Well, gee. That's too bad, sorry he/she turned out to be such a pill. Oh well, on to and better." I've had worse proposed to me, if it's any consolation and I noped out of there pretty fast, disappointed true.

 

A private bathroom I wouldn't be as squeamish about - heck some of those are nicer than my entire house - but no way in heck do I think it's sexy to get intimate where so many other people's body fluids have been or I hadn't personally overseen the cleaning. Just