Tomthumb88 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 So.. I went NC after a few months of sporadic chasing and the ex called me up to chat. Seems she's been going through some various issues and also wanted my assistance with something. After, there is some sporadic friendly texting but I'm trying not to overdo it. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careerchoice Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 It's a really bad idea and you're setting yourself up to get emotionally slapped. Don't buy into false hope. You should stay in No Contact until you feel strong enough to demand that she either wants to get back together with you or permanently stay out of your life. Until you have the strength to make that ultimatum, stay in No Contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallydoo Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 It sounds a lot like breadcrumbs. What do you want from her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujusamples Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 The relationship is over, keep it that way! You are clearly not over her, so don't be in contact with her. Being friends with the ex thing hardly works out for anyone's benefit. You are probably going to be the one emotionally damage if you continue contact with her. She has issues, let her deal with them. She's a big girl enough to break up with you, so she should be able to handle her own issues. You are not her doormat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 My plan is to meet and tell her we either need to start working to reconnect or we need to sever ties completely. But I want to do it in person and I'm away for a few more weeks on business. To that end I think being friendly via text is reasonable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujusamples Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 My plan is to meet and tell her we either need to start working to reconnect or we need to sever ties completely. But I want to do it in person and I'm away for a few more weeks on business. To that end I think being friendly via text is reasonable. You are just having false hope! If you think it's reasonable to keep friendly texts messages then by all means. Just saying, you are the ONE that is going to get hurt and you are just prolonging the pain. If she valued and wanted you as her boyfriend, she would have NEVER broke up with you in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeyD2000 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 We can all tell you to stay NC however it's your choice. Sounds like you're going to go in for seconds. What has changed in those few months that will make it different this time? You never know you guys could be happy ever after however just be prepared for quite the opposite & you will have to start nc all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Two weeks ago, she wouldn't even meet you for a cup of coffee. Why in the world would you think that she would want to reconcile? How nice that you helping her out with things. You are allowing her to use you for things, yet she won't give you 15 minutes to meet. This has doormat written all over it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 You suggest I just ignore her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 You suggest I just ignore her? You know that she does not want to reconcile. You texted her two weeks back, and she did not want to see you. Now, she has reached out for the sole purpose of you helping her with something. She is using you. I suggest that you to return to your old threads, where everyone has advised that you let this go. There is no future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 We takes for like 2 hours... using me for emotional support and/or checked to make sure I was still on the hook? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Really I was trying hard to accept that she was gone and trying to work forward and this has set me right back into "hope" mode. I really can't be her "friend".. probably ever so there's that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 The bottom line is that she does not want to reconcile. Now, she is using you, this is all you need to know. If she wants to reconcile, I am certain that she would contact you, and let you know Go NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 On the phone? Wouldn't there be a lead up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 People here are generally pretty negative I find Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 On the phone? Wouldn't there be a lead up? If you wanted to reconcile with someone, would you tell them, or lead them up to it? Dude, she has shown you no indication that she wants to reconcile. I suggest you go, and meet up with her, so that you can finally get this out of your system. You have shown that you do not trust anyone's opinion on this forum. Don't really understand why you ask for advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 People here are generally pretty negative I find Because we don't tell you what you want to hear. We are unbiased and looking at this with no emotion. We react by the info given. If you see her asking you for help, as a sign that she loves you and wants a reconciliation, then go for it. I give up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Lol... ok, you're probably right. It's hard though, I loved her and she kid. And I so wanted to be that kids dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 People here are generally pretty negative I find No, just truthful. Most of us have been there, as well as having experienced the same emotions, denial, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbee Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 I agree with the others. Seems like it's giving you false hope but if you are the kind of person that needs to meet up and see her, then do it. Many of us have made that mistake and learned the hard way that it's false hope. It's ultimately up to you but it seems far too early to start trying to be friends with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fracturedheart Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Hey man, I'd suggest you remain no contact. If she wants to fix things and get you back she will make that clear. Just be careful she isn't feeling guilty and or just wants to see if you moved on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fracturedheart Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 It seems like if she is coming back around she may not have anything going on, guy wise and is Falling back to you cause she knows you care about her. Like myself I am dealing with a similar situation. Seems like the girl I am dealing with only got back in contact with me when she was feeling guilty and wanted to clear her conscious or she needed emotional support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Not sure what the future has in store but I'm pretty convinced that "run and hide it's a trap" is actually the solution to every issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sosolost Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 I was doing well and thinking that I was over my ex until he contacted me after 6 months and I realised that I was in a deep denial and still loved him so much, but I had already been with someone and I was honest with him and he hates my guts, and now Im here suffering all over again and even more because now I know i screwed up and dont even want to see the new guy carved in diamond. I wish he had never contacted me and I would still be in denial and maybe I would heal and be able to really move on. Now Im going to start from zero with so much more pain... But again, had I not been with other guy in between, when he contacted and we clearly had mutual feelings, maybe we could be together again. But I had to screw things over... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomthumb88 Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 Well... it's too late now but I don't think you need to discuss what happened while you were broken up and neither should fault the other for what when on then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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