Ex feels the need to keep me in the loop about her life....

[Norton360]

But always tells me she does not want me getting ideas of getting back together. Her and I had a relationship that lasted a year and a half. She broke up with me officially, the day after valentines day, saying she didn't have reciprocal feelings. The break up hit me super hard in the beginning, but I moved on from it rather fast. She advised that she would always be there, but only as a friend. That is what it has been since then. She calls me a bunch just to catch up and see how things are, which is good. The past month, I have also helped her with her daughter. She is going to school, and is in her final year in her masters program. This semester she took a class that would be on Saturdays. Now the baby father usual would watch her daughter on the day she has classes, but last week I said I would look after her, as her child loves me more than anybody else, and I couldn't just cut contact with the daughter just because the mother and I broke up. It felt wrong to do to a child. So last week, I offered to watch her while she went to class as the father went out of the country a few weeks back on short notice. The father is a real "scumbag" in her words, and I knew this and learned about it through our relationship. I still do have small feelings, and hope that someday not now maybe her and I could get back together. I don't allow myself to get overwhelmed with emotion when she calls me out the blue and wants to chat. I allow it as I am just trying to be a friend like she said after the break up. What is bothering me tonight, is how she ended the phone call today with "I don't want you thinking that by watching her(daughter) that this means it could make us get back together" How it came off was a shock as my intentions were not that at all. By her stating that though, it threw my brain into left field, and now I can't stop thinking why would she even say such a thing, is it because she has feelings? Should I try and talk about it with her? When she said that, she also stated that she is saying it as she knows that when we broke up, it really hurt me, and doesn't want me to continue to be hurt. I appreciate her concern, but nothing was bothering me about it until she said that line. I know people say ex's shouldn't be friends, but I really want to grow as just friends. She is exploring her career, and I am proud of her. I have a lot to live for as I am much younger than she is, but she was my first true love.

 

tl why would my ex randomly bring up that by watching her daughter, I guess you could say doing her a favor, would make me think her and I have a chance? I wasn't thinking that way, but now she has my brain working OT on the subject...

[Annia]

Sometimes being friends with an ex before we've fully move on doesn't work. If it's not making you feel good I'd say "N to the C, is the only way you see?" (non contact).

[Jeetsun]

She merely said what she did to make sure you understood there is no chance of reconnecting; she made that clear. It sounds like you still have feelings and this friendship isn't doing you any favors. Really you have to ask yourself if this is something you want. Hell, even your thread title makes it sound like you don't really want to be kept apprised of how or what she's up to. I understand you think you need to have a moral obligation to her child, I'm sure you care for her daughter, it comes through your writing, but I don't think maintaining a facade like friendship just for the sake of the daughter is going to do you any good. That's just my 2 cents.

[kbbcoop77]

Cut her off completely for a few years until the feelings are gone. If they're still there then forget friendship. Your setting yourself up to always have this nagging pain in your life.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It's not "good" that she stays in touch and friendzones and uses you as a free nanny. It holds you back from moving on. Right now it's all on her terms.

 

After 1.5 yrs of dating let her, the father, family, etc. handle her kid. That's not for an exbf to take care of. It's creepy she asks exbfs to babysit a young daughter.

 

You are way too over-invested and over-attached to the daughter. Let her arrange baby-sitting, child care or leave her with friends or family. The child does Not 'love you more than anyone'. She has her OWN father as well as mother, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.

 

You need to go no contact with her and delete and block her from all social media. You are complaining about 'being kept in the loop', but you are the one with poor boundaries.

last week I said I would look after her, as her child loves me more than anybody else, and I couldn't just cut contact with the daughter just because the mother and I broke up.