Struggling marriage after starting a family - is it normal?

[Anonykm]

When you actually have kids, you would know you can't just drop them like a ton a bricks because their spouse feels "lonely". Sorry, it doesn't work like that.

 

It takes two to tangle, and two to get in and out of messes. We do not know if the husband is being supportive, and being a hands-on father, or helping around the house. We also do not know if the OP has a strong network of friends and family in the area that can help support said, "getting busy" time. My husband gets that he's not the first priority, and to not take it personally. But he helps me with chores and the kids, because he knows if he wants alone time, he needs to pitch in to make it happen. And, a 20 month old can't just sit around and fend for themselves. And you also can't leave them around soiled because hubby feels "lonely". We also don't know if the husband never tries to initiate or has, but always in times after she's exhausted herself with running around the kiddo all day.

 

 

Thank you I think you made some very good points here. My husband is supportive and I am super greatful for that. I just feel he has a lack of understanding about how things have changed in my life. I do not have much baby sitting support but I can make do with what help I do have.

I seem to be getting painted with the bad brush here. Just because I am giving my child 100% of me doesn't mean I am spoiling her. I am doing my best to raise a happy healthy child, and like you said a toddler can't fend for themselves therefore most of my time and energy is put into looking after her.

Thanks for your support tattoobunny I appreciate it.

[Anonykm]

Good grief, That's not what she said. Toddler goes to bed - in their own bed. She wasn't talking about ignoring the child/forget to feed/crap themselves just to go have sex.

 

This thread has derailed into a crib vs. parent bed debate, and it's going to get closed. -_-

 

 

Girl, please. You attempted to make a judgement comment at me after I asked a neutral question. LOL.

 

Sorry if you felt that way but that's not how I read your original response about the child being in the crib where she belongs. How is that a neutral question?

[tattoobunnie]

A great video for people pre and post kids,

 

She has a fun channel. Share with hubby,

[tattoobunnie]

No book, or even person can explain what it's like to have kids, and your own kids are unique. So, I try to not take it to heart with people trying to give parenting advice you didn't ask for.

[Unreasonable]

Interesting, usually it's the reverse. The woman is "lonely" and the guy is just fine playing videogames/watching sports/drinking with the guys/etc. and/or jerking off 24/7.

 

I think you should be seeing a counselor together. I don't think his loneliness is going to be cured by him seeing a therapist alone. You need to have better communication imo to find out every facet of his loneliness and strategies on how to correct them. I do think much of the advice given here is solid though. I'm not judging any particular thing, but clearly whatever is going on right now isn't working and is not sustainable. I think the reason people are jumping on your sleeping arrangements is it seems to correlate to your sex frequency, and once a month is definitely below average.

[ExperiencedDad]

I'm late to the party, but this sounds normal. Best investment I ever made was our king size bed to accommodate my wife, babies, and I. All nine of my kids have spent their first year or more in bed with us to allow easy nursing and just because we sleep better having them close.

 

I'd say your libido issue is normal but that you really must plan some simple, weekly dates with your husband right away and make an effort to show him you love him. I'd say the sex doesn't have to be fantastic but does need to be more regular for his sake.

 

You sound like a great, young mom. Belated happy mother's day to you and hang in there. It all goes quickly. You'll wake up one of these days and that little girl will be grown and you'll wonder where the time went. Always invest time and effort in your marriage as this is probably more important for your daughter than anything else you do for her. Girls need their Dads around and wives and husbands need each other!

[kamurj]

Thread closed by user request.