Caught Between Two Flames

[Loralora]

Hi everyone my mom and dad don't get along at all and eventhough they don't get along AT ALL they still stay together. I've told them they should just get a divorce but they never go there. They probably want to but do to cultural reasons and gossip they don't..

 

We live in the city and I live with my parents since I'm not yet married. I haven't moved out of my home for my studies since my college is very close by in the city and I didn't need to move out so I can study. So I'm stuck here. I don't work because I study most of the time since I'm in medical school and also it's very hard to find a job here.

 

My parents don't get along at all. Most of the time I have to go the library to study because they don't let me from all of the arguing.

 

When I was really young I had accused my dad of cheating on my mom because I had read some texts but those could have been friends I don't know...I regret doing that...I would just see my mom sad always and would blame my dad for it. My mom has accused him of cheating also in the past..

 

Well there is a problem that has been going on for a long time now and it's very consuming.

My mom had a fake email and profile that she had made me open up for her (because she doesn't know how too do it herself). Since my mom is a housewife, she spent her free time chatting in youtube with people about different songs and stuff. Sometimes more than her free time. There were times where she would spent too much time there and neglect my dad and her obligations.

 

When my dad found out he told her to close it because he didn't approve and that it was taking way too much of my moms time. He also thought she is chatting secretly to other men. So my dad told me I had to close her email since I am the one that oppened it in the first place.

 

So I closed it because I thought that would stop all the added arguing. My dad told me to never open an annomyous/fake email for my mom again.

 

Now my mom is mad at me and is telling me to secretly open it up again. I told her I can't do it because if my dad found out he will go crazy.

 

Now my mom is mad at me and tells me I should be a better daughter, and how other daughters do all kinds of things for their mother and I can't open up one email of hers and bla bla bla...she says I don't do anything for her (which is not true, everytime we have guests over I have to leave my studying aside just to clean, cook and help my mom).

 

I kind of understand her that this is her only way she can have some fun or enjoyment other than cleaning a day long, since she doesn't work and her and my dad don't get along. She doesn't get along with her sister either. She doesn't have many friends since she doesn't work. My dad never takes her out or anything...she sometimes even says "I have no husband".

 

I see her crying often it breaks my heart because there isn't anything I can do to help her. She also takes antidepressants. My dad is not a bad person they just don't get along. He works long hard hours and never has time for her, and anytime he has time or are together with my mom they argue.

There are times when I.just want to.leave. I'm just hopping I.finish my studies earlier and get married because I seriously can not take.it.anumore.

 

This email problem has been going on for a couple of months now. She tells me I am the worst daughter and that she can't even look at me just because I won't open up her emaill again.

 

This situation is driving me crazy. Whatever I do one of my parents will be mad.

 

I stay at the library as long as I can, hungry just so I don't have to come home and listen to this.

 

I don't know how to solve this? I am stuck in this broken marriage and there isn't anything I can do. I tried helping them before it didn't work. When I try not to get involved they find a way of involving me!

 

I feel so guilty that I won't open up a fake email for my mom!

 

I'm so freaking tired of this? This might seem like a silly problem; it's very hard..

 

Any help on what I should do? I am trying to mind my own business but my moms keeps on insisting I open her fake email account and anytime I don't she says hurtful things that frankly I will not forget! Then she finishes insisting for that day and then does it again the next day. Today she cried because I didn't do it. I tell her stop asking me to do this and she just continues...it's hell on earth.

 

When she says all those things I start feeling like a bad person..

 

If I did open it and my dad found out again. I don't even want to imagine his reaction..

[Wiseman2]

You are not stuck in a bad marriage they are. Get therapy at school to learn to deal with boundaries and not get pulled into their manipulations.

 

For now walk away and say 'you have to talk to dad/mom about that. I need to focus on my studies." Stay out of it. You're over-invested

 

Read up on family dysfunction and boundaries.: Out of the FOG-Boundaries

I am stuck in this broken marriage and there isn't anything I can do.

[Loralora]

You are not stuck in a bad marriage they are. Get therapy at school to learn to deal with boundaries and not get pulled into their manipulations.

 

For now walk away and say 'you have to talk to dad/mom about that. I need to focus on my studies." Stay out of it. You're over-invested

 

Read up on family dysfunction and boundaries.: Out of the FOG-Boundaries

 

I needed an article like that, thank you!

[Wiseman2]

Try this technique for now: Medium Chill - A technique used to disengage oneself from another person's drama when direct contact is unavoidable.

I needed an article like that, thank you!

[Seraphim]

I would stay out of their marriage it belongs to them. Period.

[Loralora]

It's hurtful when she says things like this because I did a lot for her.

 

Once she choked on a peanut and I had saved her life with the heimlich maneuver.

 

Two years ago she had a nervous breakdown and if it wasn't for me talking to my professors, taking her to different doctors and prescribing her medications she would have ended up on a mental institution. So it's very hard hearing all of these things she says just because I won't open up her fake email.

 

But I still understand her, and try to remind myself that these kind of people that hurt others are mostly the ones hurting for themselves.

 

She's a lot different with my brothers though a lot better with them. She expects much more from me...

 

Anyway I will do what this article says and will work on not being over invested.

[Loralora]

Try this technique for now: Medium Chill - A technique used to disengage oneself from another person's drama when direct contact is unavoidable.

 

Thank you, I will definetly try this..

[Loralora]

I would stay out of their marriage it belongs to them. Period.

 

I will try hard to...thanks !