My ex BF is dating

[moon78]

My ex and I broke up in January, and he was dating a new girl within a few weeks. What I don't understand is how upset I am over this. Our break up was mutual. Why am I so angry that he found someone so soon? Just because I'm still single? It's so frustrating, because I hate feeling this angry. It's debilitating and affecting my productivity at work, etc. He's such a nice man. Why can't I just be happy for him that he found someone? I'm becoming kind of obsessive here, and not sure what to do. I work full-time and go to school part-time. You'd think I'm too busy for this s**t. Any thoughts??

[shebrew]

out of experience.....its because youre single. you know hes a good man, you knew that alone would make him easy to snag up. try to focus on something else, seems like you have enough for that.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? Do you think he was overlapping?

My ex and I broke up in January, and he was dating a new girl within a few weeks. Why am I so angry that he found someone so soon?

[reinventmyself]

I don't think any of us like to feel that we are that easily replaced.

What you are feeling is normal.

 

I suppose you could go find someone to date today if you wanted to. But that's not your choice.

Try not to personalize it and try to limit yourself from being exposed to it.

Recognize that it was inevitable and consider crossing this painful hurdle off your list.

[moon78]

We broke up because we weren't a good fit. We tried for over 2 years, but weren't growing any closer. This new GF works at his company, so they've known each other for a while. He'd even talked about her while we're dating. I believe him when he says that there was nothing between them prior to our break up. But I wouldn't be surprised if there was chemistry and he realized I wasn't the one for him. I was totally fine when we broke up. It's when he told me he's dating this girl and I just fell apart. Sort of a self-loathing thing going on right now. I feel inferior to this new girl. I just don't get it because I also knew he wasn't right for me. I'd hate to start dating just to get over this emotional turmoil, but maybe that's the only(quickest) option? Should I just find some random guy and go out? There's no one I'm remotely interested in right now. I appreciate any feedback.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she's not that 'new'. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Things have been unraveling for a while, no?

 

If you feel up to it sure, get a nice profile and some pics up on some dating apps and just browse for who is out there. When ready, start talking to guys and meeting for coffee. But don't jump into anything just to level the field.

This new GF works at his company, so they've known each other for a while. He'd even talked about her while we're dating. It's when he told me he's dating this girl

[Annia]

It's an ego thing. This is not a race nor a competition. And if it was, it's not always the fastest that "wins the race", but the "steadiest". Please take your time to heal and move on and don't force yourself to be with a guy just because your ex is with someone else. Almost all my exes found someone almost right after they were with me, being that the last one ended things with me to be with someone else. That can damage your ego and believe me, my ego made me feel worthless and totally replaceable. But I decided that I'll take my own time. You should do the same too, or you'll end up making bad decisions out of neediness and need of external validation to compensate the feeling of being replaced.

 

Oh, and don't take it personally. His dating choices say nothing about you and your worth, it's all about him.

 

Take this time to work on yourself and be a better person for the next relationship you'll have when the time is right.

[reinventmyself]

My recent ex and I were not a good fit either.

But I'd feel the same way if I knew he was dating.

That's way I don't want to know.

[moon78]

Wow, this is already helping. Just reading your replies. It's nice to know someone cares... All I've heard up til now is "just get over him already!" or "be happy for him." Easier said than done.

[gcmc1121]

Wow, this is already helping. Just reading your replies. It's nice to know someone cares... All I've heard up til now is "just get over him already!" or "be happy for him." Easier said than done.

 

It's very easy for other people to say things like that, but those things are never easy. There's nothing wrong with feeling like crap over this, it happens. Feel free to rant and let everything out! No one on here will judge you! And you're not alone either for feeling that way!

 

For what it's worth, I don't think you should date another guy JUST to get over your ex. That's really unfair for the new guy, unless it's something that's understood at the beginning.

 

Also, please please DO NOT think of yourself as replaceable. You're not. You're your own unique person on this Earth and no one can replace you!

[LondonMan33]

Wow, this is already helping. Just reading your replies. It's nice to know someone cares... All I've heard up til now is "just get over him already!" or "be happy for him." Easier said than done.

 

 

No need to be so rude in your replies there are some really good people on here with very good advice. the hard part is listening to it and trusting in it. If you don,t mind me saying I think you are just feeling jealous right now. that is all it is. and every one knows it will pass sooner or later .

[Dominique]

What you feel is normal. Combination of regret, still caring about him, jealousy and missing him a little. Not because you want him back.... Just "because". Sometimes the heart gives us emotions we can't explain. Perhaps you aren't as over him as you think and this is a signal that you have some emotions you still need to process.

 

The good thing is that you are sure about your breakup. Eventually "reason" will win with you. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up.

[kbbcoop77]

How did you find out? If you don't share children or work together than really it's best to not keep tabs on an ex and learn what they're up to. You need the time to heal from the split... even though you say it was amicable and mutual, feelings were still involved and that takes time to wane. I would seriously implement No Contact and focus on yourself and your own goals..take care

[eidetic]

IMO people take up with someone "new" right after breakup if they don't want to face their feelings (or self) and/or aren't capable of being alone. This is totally not a selling point.

 

Sometimes it turns out to be rebound; sometimes it turns out to be the real thing. Pay it no mind; avoid knowing anything about it if you can. If it was a mutual and/or amicable breakup, let this be none of your business. Or let it be none of your business anyway.

 

Focus on your own healing. It is perfectly ok for you to be walking your recovery path slowly and without dating. Not everyone needs to (or should) hop into something new right away.

 

Trust in your own process.

[SierraStar]

Hi, I'm new to the site, been reading different threads for a little while now & this is my first post.

I wanted to let you know you're not alone, I'm going through something similar myself right now.

It hurts, it really does & I'm sorry you have to experience this yourself.

I'm sending you a virtual hug & to let you know, if you can take it hour by hour, your obsessive thoughts do become more manageable.

 

Keep reading this site, it has really helped me focus my energy on things within my control, with #1 being staying NC.

I even keep track on my calendar each day that I stay NC, it gives me a boost to keep it going so I don't back slide, contact my ex-h & make an ass of myself.

 

>>

[moon78]

Thank you all for your encouraging and kind words! I browsed through profiles on dating sites over the weekend, but really couldn't get into it. I've heard so many times that the quickest way to get over someone is to start dating someone new. I know some of you disagree with this. But if I could end this pain sooner, would it be such a bad thing? I found out that he's dating because he told me himself. He said that "he just needed to tell me." Maybe because he didn't want me to find out some other way? Or see them together and freak out? I know this is not supposed to be a competition in any way, but you're right when you say that I'm jealous. I'm jealous of her, but maybe more jealous because he has someone already. If I'd been the one to find someone first, how would things be? I'm definitely confused. I don't even know if I actually miss him, or just the companionship. I hope things will clear up more soon...