It's the loneliness. Holding back tears.

[rtyu4567]

July makes a year and it's been 4 months of straight up NC. I have healed tremendously as far as the heart ache, emotional pain is concerned and depression. Therapy has been monumental in moving forward. The only thing is that I feel lonely at times. I miss having a partner, a boyfriend, a significant other. I have been on a couple of coffee dates but nothing has come out of it, which is probably good I do not feel 100% ready for a full fledge relationship right now. However, when I get lonely I think of him and have seconds when I which we were still together or that he would call me, then I snap out of it and rewind the tape to remember the how's and why's we broke up, it was a s**t show to say the least.

 

When I miss him, what i miss is the laughter, someone to watch netflix with, and hit the local sushi restaurant, etc. I also still think I'm still in love with him when I'm lonely and then reality sinks in and I realize it's the loneliness. I don't have many friends the friends that I do have are married and do everything with their husbands and the other close friends moved far away. I have joined classes, gym and connect with my family which I am very grateful for. Still, I get lonely and find that I hold back the tears, they are there, the tears, ready to come out big time. I'm also in my 40's and deal with the fear's of growing old alone which has been the focus with my therapist. Sometimes, I ask myself is it better to feel lonely then to be in a relationship with no happiness? and the answer is yes, I rather feel lonely and continue to work toward self fulfillment and a healthy relationship.

 

I guess I just wanted to share, its been a while. And although, I have not been posting. I read the forums everyday they help me continue to heal.

[Wiseman2]

It may be a good idea to get out of monk-mode and open your heart and mind to dating more. You don't have to jump into a relationship but it will be refreshing to start putting more effort into dating. You can't hide forever if you want someone in your life again.

I miss having a partner, a boyfriend, a significant other. I have been on a couple of coffee dates but nothing has come out of it, which is probably good I do not feel 100% ready for a full fledge relationship right now.

[rtyu4567]

LOl, Wiseman, you actually made me laugh. "monk-mode." You may be right.

[Dominique]

I am so glad you shared this. I think you are doing well and dealing with this in a very healthy way. Keep going.

 

I would encourage you not to worry about being alone or without someone long term. You attract what you think about. Try to focus on how fabulous you are becoming and how beautiful you are. Your glow will attract the right person. He won't be able to deny you because the glow that pours out of you will be impossible to resist.

 

Sending you light and love.

[rtyu4567]

Aww, that is so sweet. Embracing your light and love. Thank you

[Dominique]

Aww, that is so sweet. Embracing your light and love. Thank you

 

You are so welcome. 😊

[AutumnBorn]

Dominique, there's a vast difference between being alone and being lonely. You want someone to watch Netflix with and east sushi? Look to your girls, not a man. There's more joy, love, and support there than you know. Make your home a sanctuary filled with joy and (self)care. There are so many different kinds of love and companionship.

 

Life is cake. A romantic relationship is icing. Cake should taste great even without icing. If it doesn't, the cake recipe needs tweaking.

[Dominique]

Dominique, there's a vast difference between being alone and being lonely. You want someone to watch Netflix with and east sushi? Look to your girls, not a man. There's more joy, love, and support there than you know. Make your home a sanctuary filled with joy and (self)care. There are so many different kinds of love and companionship.

 

Life is cake. A romantic relationship is icing. Cake should taste great even without icing. If it doesn't, the cake recipe needs tweaking.

 

I agree. I don't mind being alone. I have a good life with friends and family. I have said that a few times. For me, I want my Luv back in my life. If he's not here....I can go on happy without him. I am ok with that. I don't want "someone". But that is me. I understand the desire to want to have a romantic partner for people.

 

I don't want a romantic partner. I want the man I fell in love with or I want no one. But again. That is just me.

[LonelyJedi]

I can totally relate.

 

My ex-fiance left me at the end of March and I cannot shake the feeling of loneliness since then, especially in the house we lived in together. I haven't been able to be there for long periods of time alone because my thoughts start to scare me and everything is a painful memory trigger. As a result, I have been staying with my parents since she left.

It is no longer a home, it is a piece of property that I own.

 

I hate being alone and I feel incomplete without a partner, especially since we were together for 5yrs and were going to get married at the end of the year. I haven't been in the dating game or been alone & low since I graduated high school. Being with her is all I have known....

 

Despite her cruelness and flaws, I still want her back. I want the girl I feel in love with, not this evil person she is now.