Already broke N/C AGAN.

[Kaykayxo]

For anyone who saw my post yesterday.. I have already ruined no contact I am truly hopeless and have zero self control. Messaged my ex saying I wanted to see him and he replied he didn't think it was a good idea. He said originally he was fine with it but after I became "fesity and agressive" he isn't sure and keeps saying we should just give space and try to talk next week. He also said he doesn't want to talk about us or fix things. I am truly so mad at myself...I thought for some reason he may have been missing me and would try to get a response.

I know there is no option anymore. I am suprised he is even entertaining my antics usually he would block me or ignore for days..guess one of us has gained maturity. I am really needing to find strength but it is hard, I am a very emotional and passionate person who never holds back

[melancholy123]

It's alright to be some form of emotional and passionate but you do need to learn to hold back. Your lack of self control is digging you in deeper. If he was smart he'd block you and then you'd have to stop what you are doing, but apparently he isnt.

 

So, it's up to you to put on your Big Girl Panties and learn to control yourself. You can remove his # from your phone so that will slow you down a bit, you can unfriend him on social media too. You have to be in charge of your life and do what's needed to not be a pain in the butt to this guy. Only you can fix yourself.

[Kaykayxo]

@melancholy I know...I have only made myself feel worst by doing so. Literally at a point of self-hate for stooping so low... never thought it would come to this. I am going to work SO hard to go a full week N/C.. baby steps.

If anyone has tips please share. I think at this point I am just literally testing to see if I can elicit a response. In a twisted way I almost want him to block me and get mad...... I think I need to book an appt with my counselor ASAP lol

[Hollyj]

Solution: BLOCK HIM!

[boltnrun]

Delete his number out of your phone.

 

Block his number, his email, his social media (ALL of them!).

 

Then, when you feel the urge to remind him you exist, give your phone and your laptop/tablet to someone to keep for you.

 

And remember...how is he supposed to "miss" you when you're constantly contacting him??

[Kaykayxo]

Thank you all. I don't think I want to block him. I did however delete thousands of pictures from my phone and any triggers to avoid that. I just want to leave things lay for now

 

...I think I am just going to get support from my friend and my mom to make sure I don't do this again. I think I have already gotten my answer anyway from today so will feel less inclined to get in touch.

[1a1a]

Channel that emotion and passion into something else. Making art, working out, learning a language, writing a novel, coding a program, something you do and want to get better at, something you've never done before but want to learn.

 

I'm standing right here with you, with a heart that still loves, looking forlornly at the form of someone who does not want to be with me anymore. We can let them go and move on. Imagine your life the most awesome it could possibly as a single woman, make a plan, execute it.

[Kaykayxo]

1a1a thank you. I really am having desires to travel...am in school so can't right now but in the light of the split I have been thinking of all the many things I want to do that I may have not done while with him. Also because long distance I am already used to apartness physically. I recently began going to the gym and also work a lot as well, plus spend time with family. My mom is my greatest support!!

 

It is nice to know there are other women in my position. All of my girlfriends are in happy relationships and I was beginning to feel like the only single person left on the planet. At the end of the day I have hope there are better things coming. Im mostly just broken at how I let someone take me so out of character and put me in a position so low, I need to rebuild my self esteem in a healthy way .

[Hollyj]

Why wouldn't you block him? I thought you wanted this to stop?

[1a1a]

You've got this!! So do I, well, we will have. You might not be able to travel yet but you could start planning? That's excellent that you're getting some gym and family time in!

 

I found this article by Dr Nerdlove an interesting read. I am on the quest to be able to supply myself with internal validation

[Wiseman2]

Ouch. Stop reaching out to him. He's done and just trying to let you down easy with "space" and "maybe next week" etc. Delete and block him from all devices and social media to resist impulsive contact.

 

Self-control is learned and cultivated. Babies aren't born with it. Poor impulse control and excessive emotionalism can be managed through therapy and lifestyle management.

I am a very emotional and passionate person who never holds back

[Kaykayxo]

He messaged me this morning saying he wants to hangout next week but that just because he cares and loves me doesn't mean a relationship will work....Should I keep no contact or respond? I don't really want to ignore

[Wiseman2]

What's the point of such contact for you? Reflect if sitting there in person listening to him reiterate how 'it won't work' is something you want to subject yourself to.

He messaged me this morning saying he wants to hangout next week but that just because he cares and loves me doesn't mean a relationship will work....Should I keep no contact or respond? I don't really want to ignore

[boltnrun]

What does he mean by "hangout"?

 

Do you two usually have sex when you "hangout"?

[Annia]

Once upon a time I also lacked self control. I know it's hard but you really need to stick to NC. Not only you're annoying him but you're also damaging yourself because this keeps you from moving on. You need to accept that even if you tell him what's on your mind, there's always more and his response won't be what you want. Some "tricks" to keep NC: delete their number, delete (and block if necessary) him on social media and write on a journal or on this forum what you'd like to tell him but don't send it.

 

Some people don't recommend counting NC days. I don't know, but if this is so hard for you, you can set a goal date in which until then you really have to keep NC (maybe 30 days to start?) and you have to do things to occupy your mind and enhance your life (hobbies, connecting more with friends and family, etc) and then when that time is up you access if you have the same urge to contact him or not and then set another NC goal. However, the most important thing is that this self control comes from you, even without tricks. You have to respect his will of not talking and take this time to heal.

[Annia]

He messaged me this morning saying he wants to hangout next week but that just because he cares and loves me doesn't mean a relationship will work....Should I keep no contact or respond? I don't really want to ignore

 

Don't you think that meeting with him so early and while you're not over him will affect your healing? Are you really ready to just be his friend with no hopes of getting back together? Are you ready to be his friend while he meets someone else? If the answer is no, I'd politely decline and even tell him that you need some time apart in order to move on.