Did I do the right thing? Need to vent and feedback

[jaredmb05]

I started dating this person a few months out of my three year relationship. He is a very good looking model so I was enamored by his looks and charm.

 

However, something about him made me want to keep my distance. Things like:

 

He was very closed off emotionally and admitted he doesn't like talking about his feelings

Thought he was kind of annoying at times

Didn't know what he wanted to do with his like (at 34) and had no drive or desire

Modeling wasn't working out so well so money was tight

The way he dressed was kinda bad

Didn't like the same music or same interests

He was a hermit and didn't like to go out.

Cheated on his ex

 

I wanted to hang out with him because I had a good time when I did but I never took it seriously. Well one day we had plans (for two weeks) to introduce him to his friends and he cancelled half an hour before. I was pissed. To the point where I ended it. I didn't want to get in another bad thing.

 

Well a month later he called me and we reconnected. He was suppose to be my date to a christmas party and he flaked once again last minute leaving me by myself. Again, didnt care and I ended it.

 

This happened three more times everytime with an excuse that he was scared. Well the final time he said he was ready to commit and give me what I needed and wanted in a relationship.

 

We dated for a month and a half and I fell in love with him. I was able to look past everything and really enjoyed spending time with him. We spent everyday together.

 

One morning last week we got in a not so heated argument and he ended it. Shortly after I had found out from my best friend that my now ex had texted him twice while with me (one time I was passed out) telling him to come over to my apartment. Both times, my friend thought it was like a threesome type of thing because my ex would always say he was with me and my friend never would respond (i saw the messages). Well I confronted my ex and he said it was because he was wasted and had taken adderrall which he never does which made him super sexual and make dumb decisions. He said nothing would have happened and that he was sorry.

 

Either way I axed it for good. I told him NEVER to contact me or my friends again and we both blocked him.

 

If this guy was so toxic and so everything I dont want in a partner, why do I feel so sick to my stomach now? I feel like I made the right decision but any words to make me feel better would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you!

[thealchemist]

Sounds like you were overly excited about an illusion with him. He seems terrible in a relationship. You might do some introspective work to see why you were even attracted to the guy. It is my opinion that most people that are significantly above average attractiveness get through life by using primarily their attraction and don't develop as much personality. All lot of times what you see is what you get. You are regretful because you built him up a lot more. He sounds extremely emotionally unavailable.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. He sounds more like eye candy than relationship material. Were you on the rebound?

[jaredmb05]

Agree. He sounds more like eye candy than relationship material. Were you on the rebound?

 

I 100% was on the rebound!

[mountainman101]

I started dating this person a few months out of my three year relationship. He is a very good looking model so I was enamored by his looks and charm.

 

However, something about him made me want to keep my distance. Things like:

He was very closed off emotionally and admitted he doesn't like talking about his feelings

Thought he was kind of annoying at times

Didn't know what he wanted to do with his like (at 34) and had no drive or desire

Modeling wasn't working out so well so money was tight

The way he dressed was kinda bad

Didn't like the same music or same interests

He was a hermit and didn't like to go out.

Cheated on his ex

 

If this guy was so toxic and so everything I dont want in a partner, why do I feel so sick to my stomach now? I feel like I made the right decision but any words to make me feel better would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you!

 

You're not going to like the answer but here goes. It was a rebound by an account of your own words. You probably jumped into this relationship faster than you should have, suppressing the grieving process of your last relationship perhaps. You knew he had nothing going for him except his looks. His personality was not an compatible factor for you and yet you continued down this lane with him even though you knew deep down it was an issue. You jumped in with the first candidate you could and you stuck around probably for the same reason.

 

You say you didn't want to get in another bad thing so when this one ended, you are now being overwhelmed by feelings of both the relationships at the same time. So it's not the toxic nature of the relationship getting to you, but the double emotions of either abandonment, rejection, etc of both of them.

 

Here is the good part. You did the right thing. This was absolutely a negative relationship. We humans hate coming out of our comfort zone because of the fear of the unknown. I've been there myself many times. The only focus now should be YOU. Love yourself, work on yourself and just work towards reconnecting with your identity without a relationship. Small accomplishment of the goals you set will make you feel better and before you know, you will be ready for whatever is next.