How to stop thinking about your girlfriend's past?

[Vossen1876]

I'm in a wonderful relationship with a fantastic girl who makes me very happy, I've never had so much fun in a relationship and i feel like we're on the same wave length in many ways. But recently a few issues (my insecurities) have reared there head occasionally, I suffer with depression and I can be prone to low moods/feeling like I'm not good enough.

 

I'm 28 and she's 24, my longest relationship is 4 years (ended because my ex cheated on me with her boss), her's is now me (4 months). Obviously, you get talking about the past and she mentioned she'd had a few boyfriends but nothing long term and also that she didn't loose her virginity until she was 20 as well.

 

So my shock came, when I was at her house with 4 of her other girl flatmates/friends and they were talking about sex/dating and one of her friends said "you're only supposed to tell the guy you're seeing you've been with around 8 people" to which my girlfriend replied "eight!". I felt really sick and quite hurt, I was actually quite enjoying not knowing about her past and her "number", I've explained since how I felt and she has excepted it and apologised.

 

Her number is 16 and mine is 9, I'm trying to see it as a good thing that she's been with a lot of people and I'm the first person she's properly fallen in love with. At the same time, I'm worried she has a lot of people to compare me to and on top of that the thought she's been with a lot of people does bother me a bit.

 

She works in a pub and even a guy who walks in and I've met a few times, even they slept together which again quite upset me as he was very good looking. "It was nothing Matt seriously, I was at the bus stop drunk and he approached and I invited him back to mine. It was just drunk sex, it wasn't even that good". Still didn't really make me feel much better.

 

She's also explained to me she's felt a bit like Chuck in the movie "Good Luck Chuck", someone who isn't good at relationships and usually is used as a stepping stone. She lost belief that relationships were for her and i've gone a long way to restoring her faith in men, I just don't want to ruin anything because I can't get over her past.

[Matt3939]

If everything is OK then just let this go. The only problem I'd have is she picks up drunk guys at bus stops. I think that would be your bigger problem.

[Rezie]

You probably had more sex in your 4 year relationship than she has has with the 16 people combined. And on top of it it's the other people you have hooked up with. So in a way you have a lot more experience.

 

Sex is just sex. Number is just a number. 16 is 4 people a year which is not a lot. So you met someone she hooked up with and now you feel bad cause he is good looking. Oh Well, young people hook up, sex is fun. You are together now and she is not hooking up with anyone. You just have to get over it.

[Capttrae]

You either deal with it or you don't. So she's been with 16 ppl. No biggie. Not like she damaged goods. And honestly at 28 why would it even matter how many ppl she's been with

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you can't change the past and she sounds immature giving you TMI and numbers, etc..

 

It seems she's more interested in casual and it's been 4 mos so when the infatuation/novelty wears off she may move on as she's warned you.

 

This is more concerning than numbers.

She lost belief that relationships were for her

[Wolfshook]

I'd be more concerned about other things,such as her self worth,etc. Than the guys she slept with.