lifesatrip Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 I have a friend I've literally been friends with my whole life. We have lived in separate parts of the country since we were young children and managed to remain extremely close. I have always considered her one of my two best friends. Now we are adults. We have had some bumps in the friendship, but nothing major as far as I can tell. We would see each other generally once or twice a year, and had a sporadic phone relationship. I was pretty self absorbed for a time in recent years. She seems a bit self absorbed now. But we are still in sporadic contact and the last time we hung out (about a year ago) she told me she really valued me as a friend. We had a little bit of a fight - I felt disrespected by some stuff and told her, she felt the same about stuff I was doing. She is not one to talk things out openly though. She instead seems to get passive aggressive. I prefer to put everything out on the table, but this style was really overwhelming to her and made her want to shut down. I was also feeling really emotional and started crying and acting kind of intense, trying to get her to engage with me and not be aloof or passive aggressive. I know I can be too intense sometimes. It seemed like we'd resolved it at the end and parted on good terms, but she came across is rather aloof for a while after that (at least in my opinion - could be she was just preoccupied by other stuff, I don't know). I feel like something is up/off with our friendship, but I don't want to directly talk about it with her since I feel I am violating her space by doing this (she doesn't like these direct conversations, prefers more subtlety? And maybe am too intense when i try to put it on the table.) Over the past several months she has sort of waxed warm and chilly. Sometimes when we talk it seems like she is happy to connect, wants to travel together, etc.. And sometimes she seems really aloof, and I feel like she is humoring me by talking to me. She is much more social than I, but does have considerable anxiety and emotional turbulence (though overall I think she is quite stable and self-aware). I have some mental health issues, (depression of varying intensity, and a LOT of social anxiety and general anxiety. (I am proactive about improving myself). I am afraid she feels like she has moved beyond me socially/in life. Most recently she texted me telling me she would be in the area to visit me and someone else she is close to in a month for a short visit. I texted back that I was happy she was coming, and suggested we catch up on the phone soon. She responded that she would love to catch up and proposed a couple of times. We settled on the 2nd time. She wound up calling me while I was at work and then realized mid message that I was at work. She said she would be around in the evening most likely. I called her that evening and it went straight to voicemail. The next day she called to wish me happy birthday early in the morning (left me a message). I was really happy to hear from her. But she sounded a bit distant/aloof to me, and didn't mention our missed call. I sent her a fb message thanking her for the message that evening - i was busy all day and had not had a chance to call back. I thanked her, and suggested we talk that weekend. She did not look at this message until yesterday despite being active on fb. Over the weekend I called her and got a voicemail again. I left a message saying I just thought I'd give her a try and when I'd be around etc. and heard nothing. She did not reply to the facebook message either. I sent her a fb message tonight just to make sure she got the messages (in the past I vaguely remember there being an issue where she didn't always receive her voicemails). She was online this evening but did not look at the message. I am not sure if I am reading way to much into this. I know she is a busy person. So maybe it's just her being busy. I am feeling slighted, am not a priority, and am not sure if this is a rational response. I understand she may be busy, but her not even glancing at the fb message after we never connected when we had plans to talk makes me feel unimportant. Am I overreacting? Or is she sort of blowing me off here? I'd appreciate help putting this in perspective. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.