What is she up to? Are we in the relationship already?

[TrustZer0]

Greetings - This is my first thread on this forum about a topic like this, i hope i am doing it right here we go:

 

about me: i am 22 years old now (male) and tripped into my first relationship. to be honest, i dont even know if this one counts, because something feels weird to me, and here is why:

 

so i met this girl (20) at my workplace. i work as a vendor in a small service-store all about electronics. She had a problem with her smartphone i was familiar with, so i helped her out, and all of a sudden, she asked for my phone number. At first i thought she was about to friendzone me and ask me about every little thing via call and messaging whenever she had a similar problem

 

Well, to be honest, she was good looking and a nice person to speak, also i didnt ment to miss such a great opportunity, because you rarely see girls asking men for their numbers, so i thought this might develop into something special - of course i couldnt resist and wrote it down.

 

Later that day, she started texting me, she was thankful to my help and wanted to meet me someday, i agreed of course and we got into our first date.

Since she was on a diet, we went for a simple walk through the forest. to me, it was kind of romantic, we talked about each other, our relations, families, exes, likes, dislikes etc.

We got along fairly well, except i was a little bit shy because usually i rarely speak to women at all - ultimately it was a quiet good first date to me and i got a kiss on my cheek as a reward.

 

Many thoughts have passed through me that evening, but luckily we continued texting after the date. we started using sweet smileys, being polite with phrases like "good morning/night" as well as "honey" etc. i had a good feeling about this and it felt like a real relationship. We kept texting daily from now on.

 

The second date occured about one week later, somehow we started texting about her lifestyle - not only she lost a great amount of weight through her diet but also she walked a lot in her sparetime.i told her i usually walk as well because i simply like it - so she asked me if id like to meet her for another "walk". i agreed again and this time she picked me up because i told her i know a special place near my house for walking.

 

everything went smooth again, but this time after the walk was over, we took a seat in her car and kept talking for an hour. and here i did my first mistake: i guess this time she expected a real kiss, but i turned my head again and...well me...it became awkward and i left her car in shame... i still regret that move...

nonetheless we kept texting like before and our conversations went even...deeper...She began talking dirty, sending me selfies inside her bed etc.

 

Everything going smooth so far, at least i thought so. I tried to pick up a third date and improve on my flaws from the last two dates, but she refused to meet me a third time.

Either she was going out at night WITHOUT ME, or she had really bad excuses like i have no time right now, or i am with my family today etc.

At this rate, to me it feels like she loves me somehow, but she is afraid of developing our relationship - that bothered me...

 

Well, two weeks have passed since the second date, and to me, it was about time meeting her again. I had a plan:

 

I knew her working hours so far, she was working from 2 pm to 10 pm.

so i bought her some flowers that day, went to her house with my car, parked right in front of her door and waited until she arrived from work.

After 10-15 minutes, she arrived and couldnt believe her eyes.

She asked me: "Hello? What are you doing here at a time like this? And what are those flowers?"

told her: "I missed you a lot. it has been two weeks now and i couldnt resist but meeting you today, even if it have to be 5 minutes, i am gonna enjoying it..."

 

It really felt like i hit her heart really hard this time also, it happened to be a real kiss this time.

but she told me she was sleepy, she promissed me we could meet tomorrow instead of now - i agreed, because i felt like i accomplished my mission already, so i went home after that and she sent me dozen of text messages that my move was really romantic and she thanked me a lot for meeting me, she was glad she met me that day etc...girly things...

 

Well, too good to be true, right? Because she canceled our third date, and the reason for that was even more hilarious: she wanted to meet her ex. yeah, me again. how i know? she wrote me... at least she is being honest, right? right...but why is she meeting her ex? am i need to be worried in this situation? i didnt ask her why... i was just pissed off a bit, but i knew relationships are based on confidence, so i trusted her for now, she thanked me for being understanding...lol...

 

now here comes the twisted part: again a week has passed since then. She is still flirting with me via messaging, but i cant get a third date for sake...

the problem is, i already developed feelings for her, and i guess she knows that as well, but...i dont know what to do right now... its like a hidden barrier between us and i dont know how to get through... also, i am worrying about her ex, maybe she wants to be with him? i dont want to rush things now, because if i start to complain now after 3-4 weeks, maybe she doubts my trust...

 

i could really need help now.

[Wiseman2]

Lay back a bit especially now that you know the ex is still in the picture.

 

Showing up unannounced at her house at 10 pm after 2 dates is over the top and a bit creepy. Like you are stalking her work hours and know where she lives. Don't do that with other girls in the future.

[TrustZer0]

Lay back a bit especially now that you know the ex is still in the picture.

 

Showing up unannounced at her house at 10 pm after 2 dates is over the top and a bit creepy. Like you are stalking her work hours and know where she lives. Don't do that with other girls in the future.

 

So i should be worried but at the same time wait and see for things ro develop, right?

 

And the second part: it went good in my opinion, but alright i never do that again

 

am i to fast and impatient in your opinion? wow all the time i was afraid that im lacking interest and she may dumb me for that reason

[Wiseman2]

She keeps dodging your dates and talking about dating her ex so stop all the texting an do not stalk her.Wait for her to come to you. You are scaring her off. It's too much too soon.

i bought her some flowers that day, went to her house with my car, parked right in front of her door and waited until she arrived from work.

After 10-15 minutes, she arrived and couldnt believe her eyes. She asked me: "Hello? What are you doing here at a time like this?

[TrustZer0]

She keeps dodging your dates and talking about dating her ex so stop all the texting an do not stalk her.Wait for her to come to you. You are scaring her off. It's too much too soon.

 

well actually i ignored her twice now, once she asked me if anythings ok, and second time she did as well 😔

[gonnabealright]

Have you talked to her about your feelings? Tell her that you like her, enjoyed your walks together and the one kiss that you shared and would like to take to taker her out again. Tell her maybe to ask you out this time and if she does then that's great. If not then it's time to take a hint.

Ignoring is a childish thing to do. If she texts you and you want to talk to her then do it.

If she sees her ex and it bothers you, ask her about him. Don't just blindly say it's ok. You can't stop her from anything, but you can try to understand her feelings with her ex.

It seems like she likes you, but you're right. There's a barrier there and the only way to understand what it is, is to ask questions. Also that barrier might just be her ex.

 

If she's emotionally unavailable then it's time to let her go. And maybe tell her that. Tell her you like her, but you were looking for something a little more. That you want to be friends, but just talk less so you don't feel hurt and can move on. (Get yourself off the fence, don't let her decide for you when she's done stringing you along)

 

The idea of losing you might just make her give up her ex if she has strong feelings for you. However, if she doesn't then move on. (No stalking)

 

Also in the case of the popping up randomly. It all depends on how much you guys talked. If she ghosted you and you popped up then no, you shouldn't do that. But if you're talking a lot and you pop up, then it's probably ok. Just not everyone's going to react like her and think it's romantic. It depends on the person honestly. It's the risk of scaring her that you don't want to take, even if it's an innocent gesture.

[gonnabealright]

Also another quick thing, don't use the word love. She might like you and may have strong feelings that she's unaware of right now because she's trying to keep those feelings suppressed for her ex, but love is too quick. She also might not have those feelings and is enjoying the attention. Which is why you need to talk to her openly and honestly. To find these things out and to protect yourself from anymore distress

[TrustZer0]

Also another quick thing, don't use the word love. She might like you and may have strong feelings that she's unaware of right now because she's trying to keep those feelings suppressed for her ex, but love is too quick. She also might not have those feelings and is enjoying the attention. Which is why you need to talk to her openly and honestly. To find these things out and to protect yourself from anymore distress

 

id like to mention some things i pointed out in the first post because...i dont know i forgot those maybe

 

the reason for my unannounced visit was, because she wrote that she was missing me, more than just once...that encouraged me to do that in the first place...

 

secondly: she did a really disgusting prank on me after the second date: she told me she was pregnant once and she left that child in her native country to her grandparents - i was pretty upset about that , it looked pretty realistic, she sent me pictures with that child in her arms, i asked about its father and she told me there is none...i really thought she was looking for a spare father and has no feelings to me at all... after 2 hours of torture, she gave up and told me the truth.

 

and third: after she told me the truth, i wrote some stupid things, e.g. im into her.

she told me no, thats to early - i apologized right away and yeah... met her unannounced and gave her flowers as a present, but to also make sure she is doing fine.

 

i just realized afterwards i did a lot of mistakes already, actually i dont think i deserve her anymore

[J Miracle]

You dont "deserve" her? Where the hell is your self worth man?

 

You played this whole thing wrong. Never show up unannounced this early on. Next time, go in for the kiss. If she told you she's going to visit an ex, she's playing games. Should have dumped her right there. She has every right to see who ever she pleases, but vocalizing it to you you is a mind game, probably to make you jealous. Its a fact she likes getting a rise out of you because she led you on to believe that phony story about her $child"

 

This girl is a waste of your time.

[Knight2001]

forget her man and move on. she's playing games. there are plenty more girls out there who dont play games and dont go to see their ex's.

dont bother contacting her again. and get ourself some self worth. dont let her treat you like this.

good luck and be happy.