superkatnip Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 So, I'm back again and going to try and stick with my journal. Making this about me and getting myself to where I want to be. I am stagnating. Feel a general unhappiness underneath my "all is good' facade. I am committed to writing daily and making this about moving myself forward toward my goals.I need to focus on priorities and make a plan for me. If those in my life want to support the plan, they are welcome to come along. To the people-pleasing part of my brain this feel harsh, but this is me putting on the oxygen mask first, only then can I be strong for others. I feel past bad habit of putting others first draining me, making me resentful. Here is where I need to ask myself the hard questions. Face them head on. Vomit the ugly thoughts onto the page (screen) and judge them for their veracity. I am amazed at the honesty and compassion that is shared here among strangers, so I welcome all to call me on my [itch in and call me on my BS. I have this one life to live and I'll be damned if I am going to waste it. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 Struggling with connections with this sadness, with being true to me and not getting lost in other, J, my kids. Like dry drowning. Hope says it better. [video=youtube_share;-uJ61jgFCMM] ] Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 How to find a voice? How to not sef-edit? Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 Decided to start meditating again. Pain, physical one from the fall not helping my mood at all. Hoping some headspace will give me some clarity. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 The Cost- an original poem Gather strength, rise to stand, but for fear of loss subside Coast is clear, space is safe, no not really just go hide Laughing yet crying, dismissal accepted in hopes of peace Need to be heard, growing feelings, but yet I still police Smart girl, dumb moves, strength given, power lost Decisions made, time to change, love worth all the cost? Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 I am ashamed of my government. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 11, 2017 Author Share Posted May 11, 2017 Shoulder pain from fall is not improving. Why I have to wait so long is beyond me. Sleep is messed up, no sex, I'm so crabby. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 Better weekend, but pain is frustrating. I need to exercise, literally, some of my demons. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 Rough week. Looking forward to a day off. Treatment for foot seems to be working. Lessening pain is so welcome. I need to get back to meditation. Missed 3 days. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 20, 2017 Author Share Posted May 20, 2017 Cool weekend away. My stress has gone away for a few days. Cars, drinking, and sun. Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 I've looked at love from both sides now From give and take, and still somehow It's love's illusions I recall I really don't know love at all Link to comment
superkatnip Posted May 26, 2017 Author Share Posted May 26, 2017 It is not in how others treat us, but rather how we react to them. I am choosing forgiveness. Link to comment
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