Bec090 Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Hi there, a friend of mine has been with her boyfriend for over a year. They are happy and seem to be totally in love. Recently she went through his emails (he is very open with her and she has all of his passwords... he says he has nothing to hide and she can access whatever she wants) and found an email to a company that allows you to access xxx content on snapchat. You pay a monthly fee and can watch pornstars on your snapchat and are given access to explicit content. The reason he emailed the company is because the credit card payment was not going through, so he emailed the helpdesk. She is very upset. She doesn't care if he watches porn (as most men do) but this seems to be a little different. She doesn't know if she is over exaggerating and has not confronted him yet. I guess some input from you guys would be great. What do you think? Is this a form of cheating? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jy1986usa Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 It's not cheating at all. Guys watch porn. It is a fact of life. And because of technology access to it is becoming easier and more convenient. The more concerning issue is her reading his emails and having all his passwords. There's nothing wrong with maintaining some privacy in a relationship and it's healthy. What's not healthy is not trusting the other person which she clearly doesn't. This is a non issue on his part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Not sure, are we talking it's just porn or is it him getting to personally interact with the pornstar? I have nothing against images, videos, because those things fuel the imagination, but there is no personal contact between a live person. For me, anyways that is where I draw the line. I haven't heard of this type of porn before, so I can't tell exactly what it is. If it's just porn, meh. If it's live video or he is in anyway interacting with the pornstar on a personal level (web camming, messaging, exchange of naughty material between the two), that yeah I'd have a problem with it, because now you're taking the fantasy to the real world. And I do believe some things can lead one down a path to greater and greater problem behaviors. Sort of like taking a drink here and there, not a problem. Suddenly "Oh, I think I'll have a nightcap before bed every night" to "Now, I need a drink to wake up everymorning...," and the next thing you know you have a serious problem. If it's a boundary crossing for her though, she needs to talk to her boyfriend about it and establish something that is okay with them both be it neither of them do it or what's sauce for him is sauce for her and she is equally free to sign up to watch male porn on snapchat. If she can't discuss these things with him then something is wrong. He let her have full access to everything, so it doesn't sound like she went snooping for that. Just more she ran into it, which tells me maybe he's not hiding anything. It sounds like a discussion is more in order between the two of them, because she is going to get people saying it's wrong and others saying it's not wrong. And really what this is, is what is okay and comfortable between two individuals who are in a relationship. None of us can really say what's okay or not okay about it, because we are not the boyfriend or your friend. Tell her to sit him down and talk it out and if she can't do that then it's time to take a step back and assess the entire relationship in a new light. Personally if I saw it my husband's phone I'd laugh and assume he was using it, because well porn. Plus he's an artist, so I know he has an eye for the female figure. But I also know he's faithful to me and vice versa. We don't really get upset, we just talk about it. And that's what she should do too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Considering she has all his passwords and access. Hay she looked till she found something. I've done the whole PW thing. It doesn't help. I know nothing about snap chat. I can tell you he doesn't see it at all as a problem if he's given her access to everything. Men watch porn and people in general look up weird things on the internet. Be it deliberately or I wanna look up Betty crocker and oh geeze what a rabbit hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I find the fact your friend invades her boyfriend's privacy (even if he leaves the door unlocked, so to speak) much more alarming than him using his phone to watch porn. I understand Snapchat isn't a traditional porn venue, but given how integrated social media is for folks a few years younger than me, it's not difficult to it working that way. Also, let your friend worry about her own relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I wouldn't take it as a form of cheating, but I would seriously question his maturity and priorities. Given the huge amount of free porn available online, the fact that he would be willing to pay a fee only to be able to have it on Snapchat does say a lot of unflattering things about him and that would be a turn off for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 It's sad is they have to snoop through each other's things and falsely believe that is "trust" or "being open". What is she upset about? That he is viewing porn or that he is using a pay site? found an email to a company that allows you to access xxx content on snapchat. The reason he emailed the company is because the credit card payment was not going through, so he emailed the helpdesk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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