My 24yo (ex)girlfriend involved with 65yo man

[Justin144]

I am a new member and this story seems so embarrassing I wasnt sure where to turn or who to talk to. I will give a synopsis but also want to provide all the details. I am just looking for thoughts and opinions. Venting a bit perhaps.

 

Basically my 24 year old now ex girlfriend of 2 years has had a relationship (sexual and otherwise) with a 65 year old man thats apparently gone on before, and while we were together. On top of that I am out a boat load of money (tens of thousands) helping her recently. And then she literally ghosted me (dissapeared one day, no call, text, ect...nothing) and Im left guessing. And on top of that, I also find out a couple weeks later shes been seeing another guy thats about my age (31) too.

 

This story seems so crazy to me i just cannot wrap my head around it. Yes I am moving on, running for the hills to be exact.

 

The longer version,

I'll try to be as breif as possible..

 

From the same small area, just never met. Have a lot of mutual friends.

We met 2 years ago, hit it off, and started being exclusive (to my knowledge, at the time) within a couple months. Shes gorgeous. Could probably model. 110 pounds, fake boobs... has no problem choosing men. Fun, bubbly, smart...ect.

I am 31 years old. Well established. Educated. Make a good living. Great family. Would call myself attractive, and fit (if that matters). Never married, no kids. I am very respectful and being faithful and truthful always is very important to me.

We had what I would call a extremely good, close, very loving relationship. Zero fights, very few issues at all.

So the first year and a half we sail along no problems. We have seperate places but gradually started staying with each other most nights. The only small issue I ever took note of was she did have a number of guy "friends" that she talked to pretty regularly. None of which I knew. Made no big deal about it, i have friends that are women i speak to on occasion as well, also being I know that some of her guy friends are legitamitly gay. So no big deal... i thought. (Come to find out she likes to keep several backups)

 

So fast forward until recently. She had breifly mentioned marriage a couple times. And I had planned to propose within the next year. Had saved a fairly large sum of cash for the ring/wedding ect. She wasnt aware of this.

 

One day I was speaking to a few friends. And it got mentioned they saw her out at the club weeks back. I said really? I had no idea. Then they tell me there had been several occasions they saw her and even spoke to her a bit, but didnt think much about it. So Im a bit upset, that she had been lying about her whereabouts, not that i even care where she was, but just that she had been lying. So I confront her about it the next day. I dont do drama, i am polite and respectful and ask her about whats going on. Unfortunatly we get into a bit of an argument and i "thought" we talked it over. That was the beginning of the end. The next day she said she needed space and wanted to focus on school, job, ect. That we would figure it out later and still loved me and wanted me. I said I understand. We still called and text, but did not physically see each other after that.

 

I want to back up a bit and say that just previous to this, I had purchased her a new car (20k) plus the insurance (big mistake...I know). She totalled hers and didnt have collision insurance. I paid cash. And also days before that, I also paid close to 10k for her school. That ate up the ring/wedding savings.

So a couple days after this argument, she has to leave for this specialized 6 week school that i paid for several states away. We talked some while she was gone, but gradually got less and less.

The last week she was there she never responded. Never said anything when she got back. Nothing.... ghosted me. I didnt know what to think. So after about 2 weeks, my cousin calls to talk and mentions he saw her hanging all over some guy, and left the bar with him, i then had to assume we were just split up. Hard to swallow. I felt used.

 

A couple days later I text her and said i hate whats happened, i wished we could work it out, i still love you, but i understand, im moving on, ect.

 

Where stuff gets weird...

a couple weeks go by and i text asking to come get my stuff from her appartment. She said she's at work but that was fine. So while Im there gathering my things, I see a large package full of pictures. Thinking they were all the pictures of us she had taken down, I looked at them.

Boy was I wrong. There were dozens of pictures of her with this 65yo man. On several trips to vegas, out at dinner together, at his home. Nude photos of her, all kinds of stuff. And these pictures were not only while we were together, also a year or two previous to us getting together, and even recent ones too. Its been going on a long time. Note this man is very well off. He has a lot of money, has been married and divorced a number of times, kind of a playboy type. But is very well known and well respected in the area. She was seeing him while he was married. But from what I can gather from facebook it looks like he is getting, or has just gotten, divorced again right now.

My jaw dropped.

That was yesterday...

 

Im literally shocked, hurting some, but maily shocked. There was no evidence of this from her the entire time. We always seemed close as ever. Those occasional weekend "girl trips" were not girls trips. I honestly dont know what to think, because too, shes also seeing this other 31yo guy from what I keep hearing.

I also want to note her father has never been in her life, he got her mother pregnant and left within a year. She has only seen him once when she was a teenager. She somewhat hates him for this, but mainly just hurts her. Hes a drug abuser, and lives on the streets. I feel this may have something to do with it. Also her mother has been married 2-3 times. Her other family is great.

But otherwise... mainly I have found out a lot of information from others about her in the past few weeks thats almost hard to believe. She's been very scandlous in the past ive heard, seems shes slept with possibly a larger number of people the way it looks (my speculation). And this is all news to me. Im honestly no idiot, she honestly seemed so innocent. Im just thinking why am I just now learning all of this.

Crazy

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Is she on one of those sugar-daddy sites? Or working for an escort service?

[Justin144]

No, i should have mentioned this older man was an aquantience of hers from years before. She worked in a building that joins the business he owns and thats how they met. Probably 4 or so years back.

[Wiseman2]

She sounds like a gold-digger. Can you get any of your money back now that she's with this rich guy?

No, i should have mentioned this older man was an aquantience of hers from years before. She worked in a building that joins the business he owns and thats how they met. Probably 4 or so years back.

[Dominique]

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I'm glad you didn't marry her.

 

My ex is currently seeing someone just like her. She's 20 years younger than him. She's 26. He's 47. She's trouble. I know her well. She used to work for me. Same profile as your ex. Lots of male "friends". Extremely beautiful. Personal issues. Seems like all you have to do is like one of her pictures and be an attractive man and she's yours.

 

I'm sorry this is how your relationship ended and even more so that she's been so awful to you while you were together.

[Justin144]

Although the financial punch to my bank account hurt, I'm honestly mainly just shocked about her relationship with him, plus the other guy ("guys" possibly), the scandalous behaviour, how long its gone on, how well they both hid it from everyone. Her family would be shocked as well, no one knows about this situation other than me. She does not know i know. That being said, i am currently seeing if its possible to get at least some of my money back in some fashion.

As far as being a gold digger...it sure looks that way. But I will say, in all of the pictures with him, she did look extremely happy, as did he. I think its a mixture of money/feelings maybe. No idea.

She never came across to me as a gold digger, just enjoyed very nice things, travel, shopping some. Never really asked for much money(other than help with school), but never minded money being spent on her at all. And what I've helped her with, at least to me, was an investment in our future.

[Hollyj]

She sounds like an escort. What is her other employment?

 

In the future, no more expensive gifts, unless you are married to the woman. These things were her responsibility.

[LaHermes]

She has a problem, Justin, and it's a deep-seated one.

 

She is compensating for whatever by being constantly on the make and on the take. Doesn't matter that the current man is 65, 95, 25, or 15. She has no boundaries and is likely driven by insecurities (family related etc.)

[Justin144]

Im really sorry you had to go through that. Im serious when i say i feel your pain. Im not sure I will ever understand the behavior. Taking a step back and realizing the situation as it really is, that she never really loved me, that that is just who she is and will more than likey never change, hurts, but also helps. I don't feel anymore as if it was "meant to be", although i previously thought she was my forever person. Moreso now, i kind of feel sorry for her in a way.

[LaHermes]

Yep.

"Shes gorgeous. Could probably model. 110 pounds, fake boobs... has no problem choosing men. Fun, bubbly, smart...ect. "

 

Handsome is as handsome does....

[Hollyj]

Who paid for the breast augmentation?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened to you. Excellent....

i am currently seeing if its possible to get at least some of my money back in some fashion. As far as being a gold digger...it sure looks that way.

Just curious... Does any of this sound like her because it sounds like she sort of played you, no? Read more 1/2015/12/6/histrionic-personality-disorder-hpd"]Out of the FOG-Personality Disorders[/url]

 

"Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) - The DSM Criteria

 

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) is listed in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM) as a Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic) Personality Disorder:

 

A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

 

Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention

Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior

Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions

Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self

Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail

Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion

Is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances

Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are."

[ThatwasThen]

She obviously has the "art of the deal" down pat and knows how to con men into giving her things. Her rough upbringing has her street smart and at Player level.

 

If you're smart, you'll start to frame this in your mind that you're glad she's out of your life and you'll block and delete her from being able to reach you again after you repo the car you bought her. Were you aware enough to put the car in your name?

 

Please learn from this and never lay down that kind of cash for a woman that is only a girlfriend of two years. You guys weren't even married or living together for that matter so you should process all this and figure out why you would do such a thing for someone you've only dated and haven't advanced the relationship to a more committed stance.

 

And what I've helped her with, at least to me, was an investment in our future.

Of note: You "invest in partnership future" when you are more then girlfriend/boyfriend of two years... and ... You do that as a couple not as the sole investor.

 

She's obviously got some sort of personality disorder. The question is, why did you do all the investing while she obviously was doing mostly taking? That is what is important for you to come to terms with so that you don't ever let someone else do this to you again in the future.

 

CAN you get that car back? Surely this gold-digger can easily get another one from that old dude, no? Sad!

[Hollyj]

Did you keep the car in your name? I would also pull the insurance on the car.

[Justin144]

Who paid for the breast augmentation?

 

I asked this too. She told me suprisingly enough that she had used some of her college loan money to get them. I thought hmm ok.

A family member of mine is close friends with another ex of hers. They recently said they had heard that the ex boyfriend had actually paid for them but wasn't real clear about it.

Also, i do know she was also seeing this older 65yo man during the same time she got them too. So i believe thats a possiblity as well.

I do know that recently she has had to start paying back her student loans and I was kind of suspicious to the fact she only owed 20k or so. For 5 years at a university, that I know cost much more than this.

So to me....the boob job on the student loan seems far fetched.

But i cannot exactly answer that.

[Justin144]

Sorry this happened to you. Excellent.... Just curious... Does any of this sound like her because it sounds like she sort of played you, no? Read more 1/2015/12/6/histrionic-personality-disorder-hpd"]Out of the FOG-Personality Disorders[/url]

 

"Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) - The DSM Criteria

 

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) is listed in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM) as a Cluster B (dramatic, emotional, or erratic) Personality Disorder:

 

A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

 

Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention

Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior

Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions

Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self

Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail

Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion

Is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances

Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are."

 

 

This seems very very accurate on multiple levels.

[LaHermes]

So many very generous men....sigh!

[ThatwasThen]

I asked this too. She told me suprisingly enough that she had used some of her college loan money to get them. I thought hmm ok.

Why didn't you think: man, this chick is irresponsible and vein?

A family member of mine is close friends with another ex of hers. They recently said they had heard that the ex boyfriend had actually paid for them but wasn't real clear about it.

Neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.

Also, i do know she was also seeing this older 65yo man during the same time she got them too. So i believe thats a possiblity as well.

I do know that recently she has had to start paying back her student loans and I was kind of suspicious to the fact she only owed 20k or so. For 5 years at a university, that I know cost much more than this.

Not necessarily if she is just going for her Batchelor Degree and did not live in residence.

So to me....the boob job on the student loan seems far fetched.

But i cannot exactly answer that.

I don't think its important either way. Someone paid for both the boobs and her Uni no doubt. You aren't the only one she's gotten something out of as she goes about her gold digging... it would seem.

[Hollyj]

so many very generous men....sigh!

 

 

lol!!!!!!!!!!!

[ThatwasThen]

So many very generous men....sigh!

 

Amazing what a bought set will get ya.

[thealchemist]

A little off topic here. If a couple has been together for a bit of time the whole "we never fight" isn't a good sign. In fact it is a red flag in my opinion. EVERYONE has differences, in a relationship a lot of times we make ends meet though healthy fights. If you never ever have confrontation with a person it is because one or both sides are not airing their opinions. That being said, she seems to be an expert manipulator so don't feel so bad about getting played. Easy to screw with someone that loves you. And thanks Wiseman for the usual well placed encyclopedia article.

[Justin144]

Did you keep the car in your name? I would also pull the insurance on the car.

 

The car is in both of our names. She would need to sign over her part basically. But im working with one of her family members to see what they can do. Her family loves me and they too think she should make some effort to repay me or at least try. That particular family member is going to talk to her about signing her part of the car back over. They seem pretty convienced it won't be a problem.

 

Also, yes, I see now i made a mistake. Jumped the gun. Was projecting my future idea of marriage onto the current relationship. Bad idea. I see that now.

[Hollyj]

Cancel the insurance.....

 

Are also paying for her phone?

[LaHermes]

As ole W.S. said all those years ago:

 

"A goodly apple rotten at the heart,

Oh, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!".

 

The fancier the packaging the more disappointing the contents......

[ThatwasThen]

Cancel the insurance.....

 

Are also paying for her phone?

I wouldn't cancel the insurance if she's still driving the car.. If she has an accident and totals the car, then he'll be really never get any part of his investment back and may even be held liable if his name is on the insurance as well. Do talk to your insurance about possibly having your name removed from the policy or what options you have to protect yourself from any possible liability if she is somehow negligent.