Why some girls behave this way?

[MarmiteX1]

Hi,

 

I've been on the dating scene for past 6-8 months and majority of the time its been hit and miss despite me asking about a girls hobbies/interests/aspirations etc.

 

I've only been on 2 dates(with 2 different people, on separate occasions) in the past.

 

Recently, i came across this profile of an attractive girl on a popular dating site and it turned out i was friends with this girl on Facebook and on Facebook i have communicated with her in the past since we had mutual friends but this was long time ago. I didn't know she was single until now.

 

Anyway i messaged her on Facebook yesterday stating that i would like to get to know her better and i asked her whether she wanted to meet up sometime say for a coffee. I told her that i came across her dating profile jokingly and she responded "oh my sister and mum made that profile and i'm not looking for anything serious". So i said "i'm not looking for anything serious right now either but let's meet up and see how that goes, would you like to meet up on Monday if it works for you?". I asked her out of curiosity why her sister and mum made the profile if she wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

She said "yeah that's fine". She ignored my other question and today she blocked me on Facebook.

 

Why do some girls behave this way? I'd rather have someone tell me straight up if they are not interested in me, i can live with that.

 

Do you think she was lying the whole time? I think she was judging me based on my looks/profession (I work in IT) and just played me for a fool.

 

Has anyone experienced anything similar like this before?

[Mavrik]

If I could write a book on how people think I'd be sat in my gold pyjamas smoking a cigar counting my money.

 

This whole internet dating type stuff is a pain, we have access to everything and everyone.

 

We all check each other's Facebook pages and make assumptions on one another.

 

I think, it is her profile on the dating site and she put it there. She knows your on Facebook you asked her, she said yes, checked your Facebook page and decided it's not for her and instead of telling you directly she isn't interested she's done it this way.

 

Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned the dating site, or be wary what you have on Facebook,

 

Whenever we have a new person starting at work the team go onto Facebook to check them out even before they arrive, it's sadly what we do.

[Careerchoice]

Well look at it from her point of view. She has some guy who she knows nothing about asking her on a date. Unless you are model looking attractive, you're not going to get a high success rate with that. You should've talked to her at least a little bit to generate some interest.

 

As far as not being upfront with you, she didn't want to get into an argument or be insulted. A lot of guys react that way.

 

And stop being so sensitive. Dating requires thicker skin.

[MarmiteX1]

I understand where you're coming from. I just thought it would be a good idea for her and i to meet up for a coffee. I have talked to her before but never got the chance to hang out with her. So i just wanted to see what she was like in person. Yeah you're right, dating does require thicker skin, sorry if i came across so sensitive, that wasn't my intention.

[Careerchoice]

I understand where you're coming from. I just thought it would be a good idea for her and i to meet up for a coffee. I have talked to her before but never got the chance to hang out with her. So i just wanted to see what she was like in person. Yeah you're right, dating does require thicker skin, sorry if i came across so sensitive, that wasn't my intention.

 

No problem mate you sounds like a good guy. We're all learning here so let's just work on your technique and interpreting things correctly. Your intentions were fine, you just can't skip steps. Dating is a subtle dance with a lot of back and forth.

[Dahl]

my gold pyjamas

 

This made me giggle.

 

Good luck, OP - don't be discouraged!

[Mavrik]

The key is just be yourself, as if you pretend to be someone your not and they fall for this, then you will have to continue pretending.

 

Compliment them and make them feel special.

 

But it's always a learning curve and everyone is different, you'll get there im sure.

 

I was terrible at dating, didn't have the looks no lines no nothing. Buf I got there in the end with my humour and confidence and charm, but it does take time

 

Wish you all the best with it

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Telling women 'you're not looking for anything serious' is never a great idea. It makes you sound like a player. You don't have to mention this.

 

Or that you saw their dating profile and then asking embarrassing questions or too many questions can seem too invasive or creepy. Keep it very simple.

 

Contact through dating sites only and message a few times then ask for a meeting, etc. It's a lot of hit-and-miss no matter who you are.

i messaged her on Facebook yesterday stating that i would like to get to know her better and i asked her whether she wanted to meet up sometime say for a coffee. So i said "i'm not looking for anything serious right now either but let's meet up and see how that goes, would you like to meet up on Monday if it works for you?". She said "yeah that's fine". She ignored my other question and today she blocked me on Facebook.

[MarmiteX1]

Sorry to hear this. Telling women 'you're not looking for anything serious' is never a great idea. It makes you sound like a player. You don't have to mention this.

 

Or that you saw their dating profile and then asking embarrassing questions or too many questions can seem too invasive or creepy. Keep it very simple.

 

Contact through dating sites only and message a few times then ask for a meeting, etc. It's a lot of hit-and-miss no matter who you are.

 

Yeah i see where you are coming from too and i agree, i will keep your points in mind.

 

Just curious, could a woman be seen as a player too if she states "i'm not look looking for anything serious"?

[Careerchoice]

Yeah i see where you are coming from too and i agree, i will keep your points in mind.

 

Just curious, could a woman be seen as a player too if she states "i'm not look looking for anything serious"?

 

Most often she'll be saying it to test your reaction.

[Wiseman2]

Yep. It could mean casual sex, dating around, just got dumped, whatever.

could a woman be seen as a player too if she states "i'm not look looking for anything serious"?

[Batya33]

Hi,

 

I've been on the dating scene for past 6-8 months and majority of the time its been hit and miss despite me asking about a girls hobbies/interests/aspirations etc.

 

I've only been on 2 dates(with 2 different people, on separate occasions) in the past.

 

Recently, i came across this profile of an attractive girl on a popular dating site and it turned out i was friends with this girl on Facebook and on Facebook i have communicated with her in the past since we had mutual friends but this was long time ago. I didn't know she was single until now.

 

Anyway i messaged her on Facebook yesterday stating that i would like to get to know her better and i asked her whether she wanted to meet up sometime say for a coffee. I told her that i came across her dating profile jokingly and she responded "oh my sister and mum made that profile and i'm not looking for anything serious". So i said "i'm not looking for anything serious right now either but let's meet up and see how that goes, would you like to meet up on Monday if it works for you?". I asked her out of curiosity why her sister and mum made the profile if she wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

She said "yeah that's fine". She ignored my other question and today she blocked me on Facebook.

 

Why do some girls behave this way? I'd rather have someone tell me straight up if they are not interested in me, i can live with that.

 

Do you think she was lying the whole time? I think she was judging me based on my looks/profession (I work in IT) and just played me for a fool.

 

Has anyone experienced anything similar like this before?

 

Nothing to do with gender. It does have to do with contacting near strangers on Facebook and asking to meet in person and asking intrusive questions. She probably reflected on how aggressive you were, didn't remember having ever been in contact with you, and thought it better to limit contact with you going forward. Given how pushy you were she probably was concerned about telling you why before blocking you.

 

I think "not looking for anything serious" can simply mean the person wants to go on first meets and dates but isn't evaluating those meetings for serious potential.

[Hollyj]

Hi,

 

I've been on the dating scene for past 6-8 months and majority of the time its been hit and miss despite me asking about a girls hobbies/interests/aspirations etc.

 

I've only been on 2 dates(with 2 different people, on separate occasions) in the past.

 

Recently, i came across this profile of an attractive girl on a popular dating site and it turned out i was friends with this girl on Facebook and on Facebook i have communicated with her in the past since we had mutual friends but this was long time ago. I didn't know she was single until now.

 

Anyway i messaged her on Facebook yesterday stating that i would like to get to know her better and i asked her whether she wanted to meet up sometime say for a coffee. I told her that i came across her dating profile jokingly and she responded "oh my sister and mum made that profile and i'm not looking for anything serious". So i said "i'm not looking for anything serious right now either but let's meet up and see how that goes, would you like to meet up on Monday if it works for you?". I asked her out of curiosity why her sister and mum made the profile if she wasn't looking for anything serious.

 

She said "yeah that's fine". She ignored my other question and today she blocked me on Facebook.

 

Why do some girls behave this way? I'd rather have someone tell me straight up if they are not interested in me, i can live with that.

 

Do you think she was lying the whole time? I think she was judging me based on my looks/profession (I work in IT) and just played me for a fool.

 

Has anyone experienced anything similar like this before?

 

Because she is inconsiderate. I wouldn't put any more weight into it.

[Careerchoice]

Just curious, could a woman be seen as a player too if she states "i'm not look looking for anything serious"?

 

In your case it was definitely a test. Let's unpack that statement. By saying what she said, she's implying that you are looking for something serious. This is a test to see if you are desperate and needy.

 

Most guys will respond with something logical like you did, but that's the wrong response. It's too serious. So even if you say something like "I'm not looking for anything serious either", you're being serious while saying it. So your response betrays you. Girls will look at your actions instead of the literal meaning of your words since it's so easy to lie.

 

A better response would be something like "Whew, thank God...the last girl I dated asked me to marry her in the middle of our first date...I need things to go a bit slower than that Or "I don't think this is going to work out between us, I'm looking to get married in the next week or so Make it flirty, make it fun.

[HannahDD]

I think when we do it, we're trying to not being rude. When I'm not interest, I usually tell a white lie like "I'm on a complicated relationship right now", because I don't want to be mean. Then, I expect that the guy will get the message (because, honestly, it's kinda obvious)... It'll look like I'm the problem, not him, and everything's gonna end up well.

 

When this girl told you the mother/sister thing, it was the right time for you to move on.

 

I strongly believe that in a serious relationship we have to be a hundred per cent honest. But at the very beginning, at the first few dates, with no big feelings involved, I think a white lie may be the best choice.

[IAmFCA]

In your case it was definitely a test. Let's unpack that statement. By saying what she said, she's implying that you are looking for something serious. This is a test to see if you are desperate and needy.

 

Most guys will respond with something logical like you did, but that's the wrong response. It's too serious. So even if you say something like "I'm not looking for anything serious either", you're being serious while saying it. So your response betrays you. Girls will look at your actions instead of the literal meaning of your words since it's so easy to lie.

 

A better response would be something like "Whew, thank God...the last girl I dated asked me to marry her in the middle of our first date...I need things to go a bit slower than that Or "I don't think this is going to work out between us, I'm looking to get married in the next week or so Make it flirty, make it fun.

 

Oh! I wish I had this a month ago. #clueless when people ask me a question etc I simply answer. Face value. Lesson learned.

[Careerchoice]

Oh! I wish I had this a month ago. #clueless when people ask me a question etc I simply answer. Face value. Lesson learned.

 

Yw dear, but I'm not sure how much this applies to guys testing girls. I wouldn't see a purpose to it so I'd be surprised if it happens with any frequency. Women may also test other women, but I have no experience with that.

[IAmFCA]

Yw dear, but I'm not sure how much this applies to guys testing girls. I wouldn't see a purpose to it so I'd be surprised if it happens with any frequency. Women may also test other women, but I have no experience with that.

 

Was just put through a testing session. We started out congenial and respectful of one another. Now, not so. I feel as if he heard things I didn't say. I caught his statements and returned them at face value. I didn't parry with humor as you suggest.

[Matt3939]

I wouldn't over analyze this. You answered how you did. Something turned her off. It could have been anything.

[catfeeder]

Why do some girls behave this way? I'd rather have someone tell me straight up if they are not interested in me, i can live with that.

 

Because that feels like a squirmy thing to say to someone, and she didn't feel obligated to be cornered into doing so.

 

A complete stranger contacting me outside of a dating app would feel like I was being telemarketed. Whenever I mistakenly answer one of those calls, I don't allow myself to be lured into the whole overcoming objections nonsense, I just hang up the phone and block the number.

 

She did the equivalent of that, and it's not about you--she doesn't know you--it's about being fb-marketed.

[MarmiteX1]

Because that feels like a squirmy thing to say to someone, and she didn't feel obligated to be cornered into doing so.

 

A complete stranger contacting me outside of a dating app would feel like I was being telemarketed. Whenever I mistakenly answer one of those calls, I don't allow myself to be lured into the whole overcoming objections nonsense, I just hang up the phone and block the number.

 

She did the equivalent of that, and it's not about you--she doesn't know you--it's about being fb-marketed.

 

We were Facebook friends and we have mutual friends. We communicated several times before i found out she's on this dating site. However i do see your point. Maybe she didn't like my approach, I wasn't what she was looking for, who knows...

[luvbug13]

from a girls point of view, we arent the brightest. we say things then turn the other cheek as quickly as we said it. alot of the time we dont think about how it will affect the other person. we usually just care that we got rid of that person.

[Careerchoice]

from a girls point of view, we arent the brightest. we say things then turn the other cheek as quickly as we said it. alot of the time we dont think about how it will affect the other person. we usually just care that we got rid of that person.

 

On the contrary, you are very bright. I have found men are generally the less socially aware sex.

[Batya33]

from a girls point of view, we arent the brightest. we say things then turn the other cheek as quickly as we said it. alot of the time we dont think about how it will affect the other person. we usually just care that we got rid of that person.

 

LOL - so not true but then again you're referring to "girls" not "women" (although the young girls I know are quite thoughtful and intelligent)

[journeynow]

It happens all the time, men/women, all sorts of settings. Take break ups, for example. Phrases such as "we should just be friends", "it's not you it's me" are indirect ways to say "I don't want to be with you anymore." People (men and women) try to avoid drama or to soften the blow or to appear nice. Would a direct statement provide a clearer picture for the receiver? Yes. Is is hard for people to do? Often, yes.