Girlfriend says she wants to be alone

[mcg99]

We met last August. We met on a language app and started talking as friends, although from the moment we met we were talking all day every day. I already had plans to visit her country in October and she suggested we meet for coffee. We did and we ended that day kissing. It was her first kiss. I went away for a week to visit other places in the country, but spent the week thinking of her and she invited me back to stay with her family for a few days, which I did. When I returned we were acting like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, but we were just friends.

 

I went home and we carried on talking as normal day in day out. Only now we were calling on Skype every night and falling asleep together. I told her I loved her but she said she was confused. In December I kissed another girl, and it finally brought her to the realisation that she loved me and we've been together since. Last month I went back to her for 2 weeks and we had an incredible time together. She was in tears more than once at the thought of me leaving.

 

She works full-time, and she lives at her job during the week. She studies at night and goes to Uni on Saturday's, so she's busy. I know and understand that. Only yesterday, she suddenly said she loves me but that it was too much to have a job, study and a relationship and she wanted to be alone. She says she needs to concentrate on these things for the moment and our relationship is too intense.

 

I just think she totally rushed into a decision. Everything has been normal and then she drops a bombshell. We do talk all day constantly when we're not busy, we do call on Skype every night and maybe that is intense but it's not me demanding it. It's just how things have always been even when we were friends. She even installed better wifi at her house a couple of months ago because she wanted better calls at weekends. I'd happily set boundaries to give her time to do things but she won't listen. She says it wouldn't last. In the past we said we wouldn't talk at night so she could study, it lasted a couple of nights until she called me again..

What to do?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but she's right, way too much, too soon, too suffocating with too much contact. She's also correct that few LDRs work out.

 

It sounds like she was ok with a fling, a friend, etc but not being tethered to a device 24/7. She has a life she needs to maintain. Give her the space she's telling you she needs, she doesn't want as much as you do so a that's all you can do.

 

Perhaps she doesn't trust you. Why did you tell her this unnecessary information? In December I kissed another girl, and it finally brought her to the realisation that she loved me

[Careerchoice]

We met last August. We met on a language app and started talking as friends, although from the moment we met we were talking all day every day. I already had plans to visit her country in October and she suggested we meet for coffee. We did and we ended that day kissing. It was her first kiss. I went away for a week to visit other places in the country, but spent the week thinking of her and she invited me back to stay with her family for a few days, which I did. When I returned we were acting like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, but we were just friends.

 

I went home and we carried on talking as normal day in day out. Only now we were calling on Skype every night and falling asleep together. I told her I loved her but she said she was confused. In December I kissed another girl, and it finally brought her to the realisation that she loved me and we've been together since. Last month I went back to her for 2 weeks and we had an incredible time together. She was in tears more than once at the thought of me leaving.

 

She works full-time, and she lives at her job during the week. She studies at night and goes to Uni on Saturday's, so she's busy. I know and understand that. Only yesterday, she suddenly said she loves me but that it was too much to have a job, study and a relationship and she wanted to be alone. She says she needs to concentrate on these things for the moment and our relationship is too intense.

 

I just think she totally rushed into a decision. Everything has been normal and then she drops a bombshell. We do talk all day constantly when we're not busy, we do call on Skype every night and maybe that is intense but it's not me demanding it. It's just how things have always been even when we were friends. She even installed better wifi at her house a couple of months ago because she wanted better calls at weekends. I'd happily set boundaries to give her time to do things but she won't listen. She says it wouldn't last. In the past we said we wouldn't talk at night so she could study, it lasted a couple of nights until she called me again..

What to do?

 

Stick up for yourself and what you want and stop accepting less than that. Either she's on board with you in having a relationship or you're moving on. It has to be this way or things will fizzle out. Be a man.