boyfriend stood me up for his ex

[journeynow]

It turns out that the getting drunk was not my fault - he was buying me doubles to try to change my mood, and I was unaware of that. I normally would not drink more than 4 drinks. So I had no chance of monitoring my intake.

 

What do you think about that? (the part in bold) ^

[LaHermes]

Avy. Aside from everything else, please do not allow yourself to slide into depression. You are going through a stressful time, and if I may suggest, keep off the alcohol. A clear head is needed at these times.

[Avy]

Journeynow - I'm very cross about it actually. Anything could have happened to me that night.

 

LaHermes - I agree. I don't usually drink much anyhow, but I'm steering clear of it for now. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow.

[LaHermes]

Avy.

I am glad to hear that the divorce will come through in a few weeks.

 

The four year requirement causes so much hardship, in all manner of ways. Not to mention the huge expenditure involved, particularly in the application for a judicial separation. People are truly left in a limbo.

 

As the Irish Constitution had to be tweaked in order to make provision for divorce (only very recently really), then the usual and very Irish "try to please everyone and ending up pleasing no one" situation arose, making the four-year separation period a requirement for divorce.

 

Beyond the emotional impact of separation and divorce are the multiple headaches involved in the intricate practicalities of the matter.

[journeynow]

Journeynow - I'm very cross about it actually. Anything could have happened to me that night.

 

I would be, too. I think it's wrong, and manipulative.

 

So, let's see, he's still working out things with his ex, perhaps he's still healing (indicated by his behavior around the concert), he doesn't communicate well (going silent and turning on the radio when you bring up something important to you), he's manipulative. Do you feel like he doesn't respect you? Are there other ways he discounts you, or acts selfishly?

[Avy]

Journeynow - yes he has many faults. But so do I. So does everyone. I think he IS still healing - he had not wanted the separation initially and hates how it has impacted his seeing his child as often as he would like (he sees her three times a week). I do believe, as has been proposed in this thread, that his reaction to the concert has more to do with wanting to keep everything 'sweet' as regards his child until after the divorce. He tells me things will change then. I can only wait and see. He keeps telling me that right now our relationship s a caterpillar, but soon it will be the butterfly, which is very sweet. He does have communication issues, but he really does try to adapt to what I need on that matter and really, no body can ask for mare than that. He genuinely tries his best. I think he may have a manipulative streak, and that is what bothers me most. I don't yet know if it will turn out to be something big. Again only time will tell. We have been together almost a year now, but we have taken it very slowly due to my children and his divorce. I like to think we are building something solid. That we will encounter difficulties, but that we will (hopefully) surmount them. There is much about him that is wonderful.

 

Your question - does he discount me or act selfishly in other ways...... yes, we fell out over this a few times. In fact almost every time we fell out, it was around this issue. However, I have seen a genuine attempt from him to correct this. And so I'm willing to hang in there and see how it goes.