Girlfriend's EX (Sex everyday)

[boxingguy]

As the title entails, my girlfriend and her ex (as told by her) had sex every day for the first four month of their relationship and once a week there after (they were together for a little over eight months). Her ex was the only guy she ever had sex with, and the last time she had sex was two years ago after they broke up. Also the guy was packing heat, she said he was quite large. He basically went to town on her, and let's say he hit every major store. Oral, anal, vaginal, etc. The thing that bothered me the most was when she said she would kiss his penis after every blowjob.

 

I myself, however am a virgin. My only sexual experience has been with my ex girlfriend when I was in High School (now 21 and I hold different values compared to then), and that was around a 15 second blowjob and she stopped because we were in a public area. I had a few other close sexual encounters afterward, but I stopped everytime it was going beyond just groping (one girl wanted sex with no condom neither of us had one). I'm a traditional kind of guy (not religious), and would prefer to just reserve "making love" to just that and NOT degrade it to only sexual pleasure. Oh, and I'm average, though my girth is slightly on the thinner side.

 

Anyways my girlfriend says she wants to do all these sexual things with me, however it is not only my character that stops me from letting her, but big portion of it is because it makes me uncomfortable (due to her past).

 

Do women miss their ex sexually?

 

Does she still think about her ex's "quite large" penis?

 

Will she think of him during our sexual interactions?

 

Also she would kiss his penis... after every oral session.. and they had sexual intercourse EVERYDAY for FOUR month. Wow. I haven't kissed her strongly since she told me, just like slight peck now. Very light peck (also I notice I lean away now unintentionally).

 

 

 

*******TLDR, long story short*******

 

I'm a virgin with average Penis but slightly thin girth, girlfriend is not a virgin. She had Sex everyday with ex who had a "quite large" penis for 4 months straight. Her past bothers me, do women think about their ex when with their new boyfriend? Should I just "get over it"?

 

P.S. I only brought it up once with her, but instead of talking about it she got upset and basically made me seem like a villian.

 

Please advise. Thank you very much.

[boxingguy]

EDIT: Meant NOT* degrade it to ONLY* sexual pleasure.

[WithLove]

The issue here isn't that you have reservations about sex and your member and being a virgin; it's that you have a problem with your girlfriend's past sexual history and can't reconcile it because you're already comparing yourself to him, and you haven't had sex yet!

 

Why don't you just try it out first with her and see how it goes?

 

 

EDIT to add - it was rude of her to bring up past sexual enoucnters at all, especially elaborating so far as to describe how she kissed his penis after oral. Not fair of her and it puts a huge pressure on you.

[Dahl]

it was rude of her to bring up past sexual enoucnters at all, especially elaborating so far as to describe how she kissed his penis after oral. Not fair of her and it puts a huge pressure on you.

 

I agree with this statement - goodness, what details to share with you!

 

Does/did she bring it up more than once? Why did she tell you these private details, do you know?

[Wiseman2]

She sounds quite immature to give you all this TMI particularly her ex's stats. How old is she? The bigger issue (excuse the pun) is that she's not over him and that's all she talks about.

 

The other issue besides her immaturity and preoccupation with her ex is that you are quite incompatible and you don't respect her past. You can't deny your gut reaction to her TMI and your incompatibility.

 

End it and find a girl with similar tastes/values/goals. Not all girls want to talk and act like porn stars.

Her ex was the only guy she ever had sex. she said he was quite large. I myself, however am a virgin. I'm a traditional kind of guy. my girlfriend says she wants to do all these sexual things with me, however it is not only my character that stops me from letting her, but big portion of it is because it makes me uncomfortable.

[boxingguy]

The issue here isn't that you have reservations about sex and your member and being a virgin; it's that you have a problem with your girlfriend's past sexual history and can't reconcile it because you're already comparing yourself to him, and you haven't had sex yet!

 

Why don't you just try it out first with her and see how it goes?

 

 

EDIT to add - it was rude of her to bring up past sexual enoucnters at all, especially elaborating so far as to describe how she kissed his penis after oral. Not fair of her and it puts a huge pressure on you.

I appreciate you taking time to share your thoughts with me, ma'am/miss.

 

Also about the sex, she wants to (badly) and pressures me like crazy (she says because she loves and wants to feel closer). However as I said, I, being who I am would like to marry her first as a show of commitment and respect, and also now because of her past.

 

How should I move forward (just have sex with her as you suggested)? Is it pitiful of me to dwell on it?

[WithLove]

I appreciate you taking time to share your thoughts with me, ma'am/miss.

 

Also about the sex, she wants to (badly) and pressures me like crazy (she says because she loves and wants to feel closer). However as I said, I, being who I am would like to marry her first as a show of commitment and respect, and also now because of her past.

 

How should I move forward (just have sex with her as you suggested)? Is it pitiful of me to dwell on it?

 

You explain that to you, waiting until marriage is something that's important to you and you want to share the experience with your wife. If she doesn't accept that and respect it, then it's a fundamental incompatibility and you should end it.

[boxingguy]

I agree with this statement - goodness, what details to share with you!

 

Does/did she bring it up more than once? Why did she tell you these private details, do you know?

We ended up talking a little about ex(es), and I talked about my only ex and the feelings involved. Then she asked about the sexual interactions, and I replied honestly. As normal in a conversation, I asked in kind but I did not expect it to go spiraling out from there. I should have stopped her, but in a way I wanted to know. Though primarily, I did not stop her because it hurts my pride to show such (what I perceive as) weakness. To tell her to stop would be to present myself as though I'm not man enough to handle the truth.

 

I appreciate her honesty at the least. As well as your time sharing your thoughts, so thank you, ma'am/miss.

[Dahl]

How does she respond when you try to communicate your interest in waiting before you two have sex?

[boxingguy]

How does she respond when you try to communicate your interest in waiting before you two have sex?

She says she's willing to wait (though I think she knows her past bothers me and thinks it's mainly because of that), however that has not stopped her from trying to seduce me at every chance she gets. I kid you not.

 

How should I proceed? There is much I love about her. She is a very emotional girl, and easily hurt (as I learned). However I believe that is why she is so loving when she's with me.

 

She just turned 23, today.

[boxingguy]

She sounds quite immature to give you all this TMI particularly her ex's stats. How old is she? The bigger issue (excuse the pun) is that she's not over him and that's all she talks about.

 

The other issue besides her immaturity and preoccupation with her ex is that you are quite incompatible and you don't respect her past. You can't deny your gut reaction to her TMI and your incompatibility.

 

End it and find a girl with similar tastes/values/goals. Not all girls want to talk and act like porn stars.

She just turned 23 today, Wiseman2. I would like this to work out between us, however is that the best course of action? I know I am still young and not as experienced. I respect all advice.

[WithLove]

Would you be okay with sticking to other sexual acts, like touching, oral? Is it just intercourse that you're wanting to wait on? If so, you can tell her that you want to wait, but offer to explore those other areas instead; it's important to keep each other happy in a relationship, and if she doesn't want to wait and isn't okay with other sexual acts only, then it's better to learn that now, right?

[Avy]

Your girlfriend was way out of line to tell you so many details. It cannot do anything but make you suffer. The fact that she tries to seduce you suggests to me that sex is a power tool to her. She used it, via past details, to make you insecure,.. and now she uses it, via pressure, to keep you pinned down and uncertain. This is NOT respect. It may well be that she is just immature and was trying to be as open and frank as possible. However, it sounds like you are both very different people when it comes to core values. Neither of those values are better than the other. They are just different. And I would suggest that that difference will continue to present major problems for you both going forward.

[boxingguy]

Would you be okay with sticking to other sexual acts, like touching, oral? Is it just intercourse that you're wanting to wait on? If so, you can tell her that you want to wait, but offer to explore those other areas instead; it's important to keep each other happy in a relationship, and if she doesn't want to wait and isn't okay with other sexual acts only, then it's better to learn that now, right?

I am willing to compromise, yes.

 

However there are still questions in my head, WithLove.

 

Based on your experience as a woman, do you believe she will think of him when we do engage in sexual interactions? Won't she because not only did they have a lot of sex, but because he was her first everything (as I stated in original post). Won't his "large" partner affect her perception?

[boxingguy]

Your girlfriend was way out of line to tell you so many details. It cannot do anything but make you suffer. The fact that she tries to seduce you suggests to me that sex is a power tool to her. She used it, via past details, to make you insecure,.. and now she uses it, via pressure, to keep you pinned down and uncertain. This is NOT respect. It may well be that she is just immature and was trying to be as open and frank as possible. However, it sounds like you are both very different people when it comes to core values. Neither of those values are better than the other. They are just different. And I would suggest that that difference will continue to present major problems for you both going forward.

Would you further elaborate, Avy. On how she uses sex as a tool and that train of thought as well as on how we are different and this would persist as a problem? Perhaps my love for her is blinding me, and so makes it harder for me to accept your point.

[WithLove]

A large majority of women don't connect with sex on a physical level. They enjoy the emotional response they illicit from men and the feelings of connection they get from the intimacy. So when you're intimate with your girl, she's going to be focused on you and how you and she jive; she's not going to thinking and comparing to you to her ex (although yeah, she may think about how the experiences differ afterwards).

 

The first few intimate encounters are rarely satisfying; it's about working through awkward and sometimes embarrassing mishaps, and learning about each other's bodies and what each person likes. That's what she's going to be concentrating on, and what you should be, too. When you love a person, it's less about the act of sex, and more about "what can I do to make my partner feel great?".

[Avy]

well, I obviously don't know if she is using it. But I would be wary. Either way, she is not showing you the respect you deserve as her partner. It may be, as I said that she is just not mature enough to realise her error. As regards how you are different - from what you wrote, you view sex as a sanctity, an emotional bond, to be savoured within a marriage, but she does not necessarily see it that way. I stress, that there are no right and wrongs here, but something like waiting to have sex until you are married tells a lot about your core beliefs and values. If people do not match on core beliefs and values, they usually do not last in a marriage.

 

To put your mind at ease with regards to her comparing you to her ex, she most likely will not. Women view sex (mostly) as an emotional bond. If she feels connected to you, she will not be thinking of anyone else. Also, penis size really is not that important. It's as important as breast size. You may have a preference, but if you love someone it becomes irrelevant.

[boxingguy]

@WithLove and @Avy, to both of you, I appreciate your time, experience and insight, truly.

 

Perhaps I am just desperate for it to workout between us, or perhap it's my character that does not allow me to just abandon ship because the seas are getting rough. Perhaps a little of both.

 

To both of you, do you either of you believe the emotional value she will feel from it, will be at the same initial level compared to her first time?

 

And will I get over this discomfort of kissing her? As I said I catch myself leaning away, and I only peck her lips when she ask now.

[Hollyj]

How long have you been together?

[WithLove]

@WithLove and @Avy, to both of you, I appreciate your time, experience and insight, truly.

 

Perhaps I am just desperate for it to workout between us, or perhap it's my character that does not allow me to just abandon ship because the seas are getting rough. Perhaps a little of both.

 

To both of you, do you either of you believe the emotional value she will feel from it, will be at the same initial level compared to her first time?

 

And will I get over this discomfort of kissing her? As I said I catch myself leaning away, and I only peck her lips when she ask now.

 

I think that if you love her, the discomfort will fade. And if it doesn't, it's either a sign that you aren't ready for intimacy with her, or you're too fearful of intimacy itself - and if you want to have a long term relationship with anyone, this is going to have to be addressed possibly in therapy or something related.

 

 

 

Given all the info you have shared so far, I believe her impatience for sex/intimacy will give out long before you're ready to progress to that stage. So really, you need to ask yourself if this is the woman for you.

[boxingguy]

How long have you been together?

I'm assuming you changed your post because you saw my answer?

 

Hmm, about two months and a few days.

[WithLove]

I'm assuming you changed your post because you saw my answer?

 

Hmm, about two months and a few days.

 

Okay, this is more helpful. 2 months is nothing in the large scheme of things. If you want this to work out, then presumably you're thinking about marriage and spending the rest of your life with her. So what's waiting for x amount of time when you'll have the rest of your lives?

[Hollyj]

I'm assuming you changed your post because you saw my answer?

 

Hmm, about two months and a few days.

 

You're right.

 

You two barely know one another. Take it slow.

 

She should not have shared all of those details with you.

[boxingguy]

Okay, this is more helpful. 2 months is nothing in the large scheme of things. If you want this to work out, then presumably you're thinking about marriage and spending the rest of your life with her. So what's waiting for x amount of time when you'll have the rest of your lives?

Yes, that's what I think about in our relationship. I'm a one girl kind of guy, I'm not too worried about ever wanting sex with another woman, because from my few sexual encounters (the touching etc), it did not feel remotely fulfilling at all, which is why I stopped it everytime.

 

It sounds like the last bit you were saying, was more toward her than me? Am I correct?

[WithLove]

Yep, aimed at her.