Breaking up because she doesn't want a relationship - then goes on a dating app?

[Erroca]

My ex and I (we are both 21 years old females) broke up because after 4 intensive weeks of an amazing relationship, she started to feel depressed and confused (lost her job and energy and I felt like it affects me) she said she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and can't focus on a relationship right now, so she needs to focus on herself. We met on a dating app for women, and she said I was her healthiest relationship and all of her friends always told me how glad they are she's finally dating someone like me.

 

She said she still wants to keep in touch and still has feelings for me and wants me in her life, but I said it's going to be too hard for me and I'm going no contact with her until I feel I'm ready to be just friends, and she can only contact me if she ever makes up her mind again.

 

It's been a 5 weeks to the break up but 3 weeks into no contact, and about two weeks ago I downloaded the dating app again just out of boredom and started talking to that girl. She was very interesting so we went on a date, but then I felt like I'm not ready for anything serious, anyway aout a week and a half later I wanted to see her again. We met at a ladies night in a bar my ex NEVER goes there, but on that one night she showed up with her friends and I think they saw me on a date.

Anyway, 5 weeks ago I saw my ex on the dating app, and since it was before we broke up COMPLETELY I asked how come she donwloaded the app since she said she doesn't want anything new, and she said she just did it out of boredom and really DOESN'T want anything new, and doesn't want to move on, just to work on herself and was kinda upset that I wanted to move on??

Since then I didn't see her, but yesterday another friend of mine said she saw her there, so she obviously blocked me. Why?? Do you think it is out of boredom again?

Yes, I'm dating another girl now, but I told that girl that I just got out of a break-up and I don't know what I'm looking for, so it is probably duty dating but why is my ex on that dating site? ***SHE IS NOT THE TYPE OF GIRL WHO'S INTO ONE NIGHT STANDS, SHE ALWAYS SAID THAT***

 

Thanks for reading.

[Fitgills]

I broke up with someone in what seems like a similar way. I'm perfect, they can't do relationships and need to work on themselves. I think they don't want to work on themselves that much either. It felt great but they ended it. We have to move on. It's nice to hope they might one day want us back and the break up seems sad. We can't do the fighting as much as we want to. If they get their heads in the right place that is their choice. I even think so far as friends it all has to come from them. I'd love to be there for my ex as I care for them but I can't rely on them being there for me anymore. They need to be in a position where they want that support and I need to want to give it without anything in return.

[Keyman]

It sounds to me like she is throwing you a line. It would seem that she was not feeling the relationship in the same way you were and is off looking for a replacement.

[itsallgrand]

She's not mature enough to break up simply without the white lies. She obviously wasn't feeling the relationship anymore, and now she's looking around for what's out there.

 

Good for you for going no contact now. There's no point hanging around to make her feel better while she moves on.

[Tomthumb88]

Can't speak for her but I immediately went on a dating app after the break just for the ego boost of having other women interested. In my case though.. my ex's friends saw me and I'm 99% sure this make my ex's decision not to reconcile much easier.

[Erroca]

She's a very rational honest person. There is nothing bad I can say about her, first time she said she did it out of boredom and I guess she DID want to keep in touch and now has nothing to fill the void with since I don't contact her 24/7 like I did and since she's probably still unemployed?...

 

I asked her a few times if she's sure this is the reason to the beak up and said that there is no reason to lie, and she wants the relationship just like how it was in the begenning but she sees how the situation affects both of us and says the best option is to focus on herself right now...

[J Miracle]

Did this relationship last only 4 weeks?

 

Of course she immediately went on a dating app. She's not interested in working on herself, she just didn't want to be with you. Oldest line in the book. most people won't come out and just say "I just dont want you" because its hurtful.

[Erroca]

My bad, it lasted 4 months+one more month when it went downhill and we took a break until we decided to fully break up

[No1]

She doesnt want to be in a relationship with you.

 

It doesnt matter what she says, it matters what she does. She is no longer with you because she doesnt want to be with you.

[jennylove]

No means no.

 

She wants no relationship with you. End of story.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Is she an adrenaline or infatuation junkie? After only "4 intense weeks" it seems like she needs a new fix.

4 intensive weeks. We met on a dating app for women. I downloaded the dating app again just out of boredom. 5 weeks ago I saw my ex on the dating app. she said she just did it out of boredom

[Whocares479]

Thing about talking to people from a dating app, most likely they will go back to it after the break up. I remember during my frrshmen year of college my friend and I downloaded the Tinder app out of boredom because it was the new 'thing'. To my suprise, I started to like someone on there, not only was he on it while we were dating. My friend found him on there a day after we broke up. It's hilarious. How you get them is sometimes how you lose them.....that dang Tinder.

[Wiseman2]

Quote of the day:

How you get them is sometimes how you lose them.