Do I take him back? I have the divorce papers made up but I haven't filed...

[LG918]

I've been married for 3 1/2 years now . Are used to enjoy spending time with my husband but he started neglecting me, focused only on his own interests and would never be around. In hindsight I'm not sure if it's just my negative thoughts or if he really was selfish the entire time I've known him. He wouldn't answer his phone when I call he didn't never do anything I ever wanted to do. So I'm going to make the story a bit short. four years ago, on one occasion he flipped out and got a pit physical with me . Like threw me through the drywall, threw a potted plant at me, and spit on me and what not . No I graduated college and so I'm not a bat woman, but in fear and an anger I punched him back, a gave him a blackeye... well we moved past that incident. He had gotten very selfish recently and even went on a vacation for a week and a half without bringing me. I also found in February he had a plenty of fish profile and had been sending emails from a private account to women ( he claims these emails were spam although he sent photos to them). A couple weeks later I was going to bed and he had left his phone in the bathroom so I grabbed it to see that he was taking photos of his genitals. When I asked him about it he freaked out and tackled me to get his phone and then started chasing me to get mine. So he still both phones had the keys to both cars and strangled me. I sprained my finger pretty bad but got a car key and drove to the store where I called 911. He packed his things and was out the next morning. Now here's the twist to the story... are used to have a substance-abuse problem in a long time ago . Within the past months that addiction had resurfaced... and probably peaked the time when he left to go on that vacation without me. So it's been two months since he left and he knew about the addiction problem at the time. But he has been asking me to be back with him for a month now saying he's completely changed, he doesn't know why he wanted to leave me and that he's ready to pay attention to me and do everything I want to do. Now the part of me that feels so guilty for doing drugs makes me think maybe his actions were justified. But the other part of me says that he got physical two times before and it chances are he's going to do it again.. I just need some advice, or some input or opinions. I don't have anyone I can be honest about with the whole truth of what happened

[shellyf62]

I would file the divorce papers & not look back.

He isnt going to change, and will treat you just as badly if you take him back.

He has probably found out that being single isnt too much fun & would rather have you take care of him while he sends women pics of his junk.

[happysnappy]

Wow. In the beginning your post I thought most of the stuff listed was fixable but by the end I don't think so. Cheating, drugs and physical violence. I won't say people never change but those things usually don't. I'd file and move on. He'd have to prove over many years he was changed and likely he won't.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Why did you agree to marry him after physical abuse and violence? Is this a forced or arranged marriage?

 

Get into rehab get clean get a a restraining order and a divorce. Change the locks and go no contact and block and delete him.

Let your attorneys communicate with him.

 

Get clean or your life will continue being violent and eventually you will end up in jail, the hospital or on a morgue a slab.

 

Of course you have people to talk to. Divorce attorneys, domestic violence agencies, sober support groups and rehab therapists. You are choosing to isolate and do drugs.

married for 3 1/2 years. four years ago, threw me through the drywall, threw a potted plant at me, and spit on me and what not. I punched him back, a gave him a blackeye.. and strangled me. it's been two months since he left.part of me that feels so guilty for doing drugs makes me think maybe his actions were justified. But the other part of me says that he got physical two times before and it chances are he's going to do it again.. I just need some advice, or some input or opinions. I don't have anyone I can be honest about with the whole truth of what happened