If he ever comes back, do I say yes, or do I say no?

[phoenixx]

I never really post these kind of things however my ex, (boyfriend at the time) broke up with me, his reasons were that his like and excitement of having me created an illusion in his head which made him think he loved me, I asked him how he felt towards me and he said 'I like you...', In the slightest way his reasons made sense however puzzling pieces together makes it seem like he was lying to me and that there was something deeper. We all know about a relationship where they both seem perfect together however someone from the past comes back and one cannot help their feelings towards them because of the memories.

 

He had told me that there was a girl that he used to talk to, however the communication slowly stopped between them two, he then moved on and a few years later found me, I do believe that we got into the relationship quite quickly but in my belief I would use that time to allow myself to get to know him so much more, even though he did ask me to be his girlfriend, I would have much appreciated that we started as a best friend kind and then progression. Going back to the subject of the girl, roughly 2 months ago, his cousin had planned to have a 15th birthday party (quinceanera) you know the big Latin American birthday parties, and he had been asked to be one of the dancers where there is a big group and they all dance.

 

That was the time that he mentioned the other girl because she was also going to dance. The girl was his cousins best friend, they were basically like sisters. I was a bit ishy about him bringing her up because I hated when he talked about other girls unless they were close friends or just family. He told me their story, I kind of just brushed it off because I knew that we both wouldn't let someone else get in the way of us but I'm slowly believing that he had lied to me about why he broke up with me. I do believe that he may have fallen for her again and had to end with me because then that would be wrong of him to continue behind my back.

 

We were together for 1 year and four months. I cannot remember the exact amount of time but a few months into the relationship, he mentioned that he had to talk to me about something, he mentioned being in a call with his best-friend and another old friend and 'memories popped up', I had no clue to what he was talking about at the time and didn't really take it in because he then later said, 'even though that did happen, I'm not going to leave you' almost like he had changed his mind on the spot. I had only just been told by a friend that that the reason he wanted to break up with me before was because the girl he had been talking to before had entered his life again? He had told this to my friend before talking to me about it.

 

Two days after he broke up with me, I asked if I could talk to him, (this was over text), I asked if he could be 100% honest with me and asked him what really got in between us. He gave the same reasons and also added on, 'I know myself better now and because of that, its best for us to not be in an intimate relationship', He also said 'Everything crumbled down when I realised that I was lying to myself and you'. He said we could never be. I am not stuck and confused to what actually happened, I've been told that he wasn't 100% honest and there's something he isn't telling me. He told each other we would be friends however over the past few days I have been finding things out which make me question everything that we had ever done or talked about. In my mind, depending on the situation I would go back to him even if it happens to be in a couple of years however it wont be a 'straight away' thing.

 

I hope you guys can help me, sorry for the long explanation, there is so much more to say however I had to keep it short.

 

tldr; would it be bad if I accepted him back? (Even though I'm currently just concentrating on myself), how can I find out the whole truth?

[Annia]

But how do you know he'll want to come back? I think it's too soon to start thinking about this scenario. Besides, you have to be careful if he wants to come back if this is worth it and if he'd be doing it for the right reasons and not just because his fling with that girl failed and he needs some ego boost or company. It's tricky. It's best to live day by day and don't live in the hope of him coming back.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, it would be a mistake. Because this is a guy who seems to only value the new and the girl who was "out of the picture" then comes back into it. Chances are he might come back around to you six months from now if the other girl and he are having problems or he suddenly "meets you" out of the blue and you are once again new. BUT that's not the person you can form a long-lasting bond with, because they can't do that.

 

So nope, move on. Besides if you're both in your teens you will need to also live life, meet a variety of people, and see who else is out there that might be a better match. And what adventures, skills, accomplishments you can have that are yours and yours alone to have.

 

In a few years you won't likely even remember what this boy looked like, incredible as that may seem now. So it hurts for the moment, but it won't last long. Don't take him back though or your send out the signal that he can come and go as he pleases, and he will.

 

P.S. He dumped you, because you were not new and the other girl is now. That's it, that's the entire reason although he will of course not say that, but that is what it is. So he's really not even mature enough to be long-term anything at this stage of the game and won't be for quite a few more years. Nor should you tie yourself down to this one guy, who is wishy-washy and replaces women like he changes his socks.

 

You can do far better.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Go no contact so you can reflect in peace and retrospect as to what your relationship was about. Unfortunately when an ex is still in the picture somehow, it's a red flag.

 

"I like you..." after this long and "He also said 'Everything crumbled down when I realised that I was lying to myself and you'. He said we could never be" are excellent reasons in themselves to stay no contact and delete and block him. Do not consider an on/off relationship with anyone and with someone who tells you this in particular.

 

Were there issues in the relationship?

his reasons were that his like and excitement of having me created an illusion in his head which made him think he loved me

[phoenixx]

I am just annoyed to why he would leave a one year and couple months relationship for a girl he used to talk to, unless the crush on her was SO BIG, I wouldn't even count her as an ex but your point makes sense.

 

I don't believe that there were any issues in the relationship, if anything wrong did happen when we would talk about it however a week prior to the breakup he did admit to me that he was annoyed at me for 'not putting in effort' and I explained to him why he would have thought that, he has a pretty busy life and I would wait for him to be free to ask me out, I would ask him to come out a few times but I'm the type of person who hates asking for things and I was..not afraid but was shy to ask my dad to be going out so many times, my dad never really liked the idea of me having a boyfriend before University but he started to get more soft with me as he started to know my boyfriend, so the asking to go out only got frequent recently.

 

When breaking up with me he did mention that I deserve someone better and that he couldn't be my backbone, my friends and even myself would say that he would look like such a strong character so I was confused to why he said that, I told him 'But you're such an organised and strong person' and his reply was that 'I just put on a front'. He apparently started to become a lot more confident whilst with me and even I realised that, by the way he dressed, by becoming motivated to do well in education however he was very confused with what path to take and I wanted to help him with that.

 

All these reasons make sense however I just want to find out the real truth.

[phoenixx]

Were there issues in the relationship?

 

Replied below, didn't realise the quote reply option sorry.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he felt smothered and as though you depended on him too much. That's what he means by this 6808695]I deserve someone better and that he couldn't be my backbone