A month of confusion

[Confusedjj]

Hey all,

 

My ex and I broke up just over a month ago. Through out the month of separation, we both have not had space. We have been hanging out, contacting each other, talking over the phone almost everyday. Throughout the month, he did also express that he wanted to be exclusive - however, he has just revealed that he did not mean to say it. He said he was feeling affectionate and that he missed me in that moment. He said our kisses and the touching meant more and more. However, I know we need space. I ultimately want to be back with him but I am trying to meet with other guys and see other people.

 

I have no idea what I need to do to get us to reconcile. He definitely has feelings towards me and I can see that, however, it is not enough to bring him back to me and commit to me. If I walk off, it will hurt and if I stay, it will cause confusion. He seems like hes quite adamant on staying apart, but wants me there for him. And I want him there for me too. He broke up with me initially because he wanted to focus on his future and could not see me there. He also said he expected our relationship to progress further but at the same time, he did not want it to become very serious.

 

I feel like I'm in this middle ground. I thought that when he expressed he wanted to be exclusive, that we were heading back on track. But for him to tell me that it was not what he truly wanted - I'm not sure what to do.

[SooSad33]

Why are you thinking of meeting up with other guys when you've just broken up a month ago?

 

If you're still into your ex.. then I highly suggest you do NOT get yourself intertwined in another guy-- slow down here!

 

Especially if you're still yearning for him.

 

And as for you & him...? Things ended a month ago ( he did it?).. and WHY?

If you've broken up- why are you still hanging with him, etc- is only prolonging your own acceptance & healing.

 

If it's only been a month, I'm sure whatever caused this relation to end, has not been dealt with-- fixed.. then nothing's changed- so there'd be no improvement for you two.

 

HE wants to focus on his future.. doesnt see you there? Walk away.

Doesnt want to be serious? Walk away.

 

Give him what he wants.... distance and NO more interaction. Give him none of you anymore- was his choice.

 

Back off and work on YOU again-- healing.

[Confusedjj]

 

Give him what he wants.... distance and NO more interaction. Give him none of you anymore- was his choice.

 

Back off and work on YOU again-- healing.

 

Thanks for replying. I honestly don't see harm in interacting with other guys. I've been speaking to guys in my classes and it's not been anything more than just interacting.

 

As for why my ex and I have been hanging out... I'm not sure. We just can't seem to be apart and I know that sounds awful and sad, but we can't. It still feels like we are dating. I'm not sure how he is dealing with the idea of us being apart. I did block his number for a couple of days and he reached out to me and was quite upset. We want to be friends but this is obviously more than friendship.

 

I want to walk away but I feel like if I do, I'll lose him. But on the flip side, he chose this. The prospect of us not talking or hanging out makes me feel very uneasy. Am I ruining my chances of getting him back?

[SooSad33]

Yes, interacting with guys is okay-- just be careful with any intent other than this.. for now.

 

Ruining your chances of getting him back? Sadly, by looks of it.. he has spoken on his feelings about your relationship.

 

That he doesn't see you in it- and that stings, Im sure (been there).

 

So.. then give him that. Give him no more of YOU. Respect yourself enough to work on healing from this.

As he seems to aiming down a different road than you are.

 

if a guy said to me he doesnt see me in his future, for sure I'd be walking and aiming at accepting & healing from it all.

Not 'giving in to him'.. so he can use you still.

 

This is where you need to get that inner strength and respect yourself.

 

Dont know what he would be upset cause you respected his wishes and backed off. Geeze Could this be what they call 'having his cake & eating it too'?

Or.. using you to get over you? Don't let him,,, cause as you're wanting to keep him around- he may be working on distancing from you.. then how are you gonna feel?

[Shunsparkle]

Hey all,

 

My ex and I broke up just over a month ago. Through out the month of separation, we both have not had space. We have been hanging out, contacting each other, talking over the phone almost everyday. Throughout the month, he did also express that he wanted to be exclusive - however, he has just revealed that he did not mean to say it. He said he was feeling affectionate and that he missed me in that moment. He said our kisses and the touching meant more and more. However, I know we need space. I ultimately want to be back with him but I am trying to meet with other guys and see other people.

 

I have no idea what I need to do to get us to reconcile. He definitely has feelings towards me and I can see that, however, it is not enough to bring him back to me and commit to me. If I walk off, it will hurt and if I stay, it will cause confusion. He seems like hes quite adamant on staying apart, but wants me there for him. And I want him there for me too. He broke up with me initially because he wanted to focus on his future and could not see me there. He also said he expected our relationship to progress further but at the same time, he did not want it to become very serious.

 

I feel like I'm in this middle ground. I thought that when he expressed he wanted to be exclusive, that we were heading back on track. But for him to tell me that it was not what he truly wanted - I'm not sure what to do.

 

He doesn't see you in his future? Hunny run!!

My ex said the same thing to me sort of.

He felt like we was together for the sake of it, his feelings for me were not as strong as they once was.

And, if I wanted to be living with him, have kids or engaged in the next 5 years it'll never happen.

I was shocked as we always talked of getting our own place, talked about how wed liked to get married and even what we was gonna call our dog.

You can't out your life on hold waiting for them to catch up. Leave, run! Honestly go NC and don't even bother you'll thank us in a few weeks

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. You need to go complete no contact. No hanging out. No texting. No sex etc. Delete and block him from social media. Give yourself time to reflect on this double talk and raw deal.

 

He's stringing you along for sex and has downshifted to fwb. As long as you acquiesce to hookups along with "can't see you in my future" you will be both hurt And confused.

He said he was feeling affectionate and that he missed me in that moment. He seems like hes quite adamant on staying apart, but wants me there for him. He broke up with me initially because he wanted to focus on his future and could not see me there.

[Miastar]

I totally feel for you - I'm in a similar situation too! Half of me wants to leave and sever ties so I can throw myself into the healing and grieving process. The other half of me wants to stay and linger and try everything I can to make it work again.

 

It sucks and it hurts! Maybe if you initiate the no contact it will force him to face up to all his emotions and feelings and come to a decision within himself - whether he wants you or not. But don't do it for him - do it for yourself and begin the healing process. We can't wait around for them to decide which way their emotions will take them one day to the next

[Confusedjj]

I totally feel for you - I'm in a similar situation too! Half of me wants to leave and sever ties so I can throw myself into the healing and grieving process. The other half of me wants to stay and linger and try everything I can to make it work again.

 

It sucks and it hurts! Maybe if you initiate the no contact it will force him to face up to all his emotions and feelings and come to a decision within himself - whether he wants you or not. But don't do it for him - do it for yourself and begin the healing process. We can't wait around for them to decide which way their emotions will take them one day to the next

 

This is so heartbreaking because he is so so so inconsistent with what he says. He calls me up and tells me that he misses me and will tell me he still likes me, but then the next day he will openly tell me that he doesnt care about me hanging out with other guys? if he is being inconsistent do I have a chance? I feel like I'm holding onto a thread and I know the logical thing to do is to let go but I really feel as if this could work out for the both of us. This is just incredibly hard...

[Miastar]

This is so heartbreaking because he is so so so inconsistent with what he says. He calls me up and tells me that he misses me and will tell me he still likes me, but then the next day he will openly tell me that he doesnt care about me hanging out with other guys? if he is being inconsistent do I have a chance? I feel like I'm holding onto a thread and I know the logical thing to do is to let go but I really feel as if this could work out for the both of us. This is just incredibly hard...

 

 

 

I wish I knew I wish I had the answers for us both it's so sad and difficult. I too want to let go and get on with it but also feel it could work out well for both of us.

 

Is he perhaps testing to see your reaction when he tells you he doesn't care if you meet up with other guys? Like does he get annoyed when you say you will do it or do you tell him you don't want to do that?

[Confusedjj]

I wish I knew I wish I had the answers for us both it's so sad and difficult. I too want to let go and get on with it but also feel it could work out well for both of us.

 

Is he perhaps testing to see your reaction when he tells you he doesn't care if you meet up with other guys? Like does he get annoyed when you say you will do it or do you tell him you don't want to do that?

 

He tells me he doesn't care and yesterday he said he didn't like me anymore. I told him I've been talking to a guy and he was like "wow that's moving on quickly! Good on you!"

 

I was honestly quite confused by his reaction. He did tell me that if I were to have sex with someone else, he would be really upset for a short period of time but then said he would move on. This is what's confusing. How does a guy go from wanting to be exclusive, to saying he doesn't like me anymore..

[boltnrun]

He tells me he doesn't care and yesterday he said he didn't like me anymore. I told him I've been talking to a guy and he was like "wow that's moving on quickly! Good on you!"

 

I was honestly quite confused by his reaction. He did tell me that if I were to have sex with someone else, he would be really upset for a short period of time but then said he would move on. This is what's confusing. How does a guy go from wanting to be exclusive, to saying he doesn't like me anymore..

 

Remember, he also said this:

 

"Throughout the month, he did also express that he wanted to be exclusive - however, he has just revealed that he did not mean to say it. He said he was feeling affectionate and that he missed me in that moment."

 

As you now see, lurking around making yourself available to him on his whim has not resulted in getting back together. All that has done is confirm to him that you are willing to do anything just to stay in his life, and that he doesn't have to do a thing to keep you around.

 

None of that is attractive.

 

Most of the time, people don't miss someone until they're gone. You haven't been "gone", have you?

[Confusedjj]

Remember, he also said this:

 

"Throughout the month, he did also express that he wanted to be exclusive - however, he has just revealed that he did not mean to say it. He said he was feeling affectionate and that he missed me in that moment."

 

As you now see, lurking around making yourself available to him on his whim has not resulted in getting back together. All that has done is confirm to him that you are willing to do anything just to stay in his life, and that he doesn't have to do a thing to keep you around.

 

None of that is attractive.

 

Most of the time, people don't miss someone until they're gone. You haven't been "gone", have you?

 

You're correct in so many ways. By being so available, I've made myself look so foolish. I definitely need to withdraw from this situation and look at things differently. It's getting tedious for me and I'm getting obsessive, anxious and over controlling in regards to this situation. It's not me and I definitely need space to breath

[Miastar]

You're correct in so many ways. By being so available, I've made myself look so foolish. I definitely need to withdraw from this situation and look at things differently. It's getting tedious for me and I'm getting obsessive, anxious and over controlling in regards to this situation. It's not me and I definitely need space to breath

 

Please don't think that you look foolish - try not to put those judgements on yourself as it's unfair. You did what you could, what you thought was right and what you needed to do at the time.

 

It's strange as I feel you and I are going through similar emotions - it's been a month of weirdness for me too, and I am getting more aware that it's getting tedious and my thoughts are occupied from morning til night with him.

 

I hope you are taking care of yourself and that this past week has been an eye opener.