Shayla22 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 This is my first time ever posting on a forum like this - I am struggling very much and I have read the incredible outpouring of support on other threads here. It gives me hope that I could find some solace here as well. I apologize for the length in advance, I want to give as many details as possible! My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 5 days ago. It came after a break we decided to take 2 weeks prior. I am very much in love with him and have been since we've met. We have had a beautiful relationship - we have an amazing time together and he has expressed his love for me always throughout the relationship. He entered law school about a year and a half into our relationship, which was difficult, both because of the new distance between us and the demanding work schedule. However, I did everything I could to support him (sending him words of encouragement, trying to be as understanding as possible when he could not spend time with me, and sending him all sorts of gifts and goodies whenever he was stressed). In October of 2016, he told me he felt that how upset I was in my job was taking a toll on him and the relationship. I had been feeling very down about it and I was confiding in him about it often. I was upset by this though, and felt that no matter what I was going through, he should be there for me. This issue blew over and we ended up having a wonderful trip to Virginia the next week.Then, in early November, he told me he's been having doubts about the relationship. He said that he loves me very much and he always will and it hurts to think of a future without me, but that something was not right. I was devastated of course, and pressed him for answers. We decided to take a short week break for him to sort out his feelings. He came back and said that he wants to be with me and wants me in his life, but he was afraid this would happen again. He said that my feelings seemed to be stronger and he didn't know why he hadn't let his own develop as strongly, but he was ready to allow it. He wrote me a letter about how he wants a future with me, he feels happier and more engaged in the relationship than ever, and that he loves me so much. We agreed that we wanted to be together, but that week was incredibly difficult for me. It was very hard for me since then to not feel worried and insecure, and I brought it up often, which frustrated him. It made me feel shut down or having these feelings. However, we got through a lot and proceeded with long time plans to move in this August. I moved in somewhere temporarily and we had furniture being put in a storage unit for our new place. About a month ago and a half ago, he admitted that he's been having the same types of doubts. I was just angry mostly this time, I could not believe it was happening again. There were all new reasons about the relationship that he felt were problems. He has always assured me that it is not me or the way he feels about me, but this hesitance. We discussed everything and it really felt like a breakthrough. He agreed to share more and that he would work on everything. He said he was "so excited" to move in for the first time. I demanded that I be included in the discussion, because generally he says that things are fine and is hiding these thoughts so that he won't upset me. The weeks that followed we did talk about it, but only when I brought it up. I felt more and more uneasy and insecure. I pressed him about it 2 weeks ago, and after denying it admitted that he was having doubts again. I lost it and told him we needed to take a significant break until he can be sure he wants to do this. We decided on a month. He contacted me 2 weeks in (5 days ago) that he needed to talk to me. He walked into my place sobbing. Said this isn't the right relationship for him and he doesn't see a future. It's just a feeling, no real explanation. He said he loves me and the past 2 weeks he was depressed and miserable without me. But he knows getting back together is a short term solution, not a long term one. He clearly hadn't showered and had huge dark circles, he was a mess. I've been completely devastated since then. I can't believe that a month ago we were looking at apartments. It feels like our entire relationship was a lie, all the times he told me how strongly he feels for me were a lie. I regret pushing him to talk about it constantly and I wish that I would have just allowed us to be happy together. It is excruciating to be rejected by him when he is sitting in front of me telling me he loves me. I am mourning our life together and the future we could have had. I know logically that if he was so tormented with doubt, that its not right and I deserve someone who is sure. But no one seems to understand how hard that is to accept when you were so happy and in love. I do not know how to go on from here. I want answers but I don't want to reach out to him at all. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you. Link to comment
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