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He dislikes my hair bows?

Person1001

By Person1001
in Dating Advice

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Person1001

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I have gone on 2 dates w/this guy and have known him for less then a week. One thing that really bothers him is the bow in my hair (never over the top). He told me this saying that it makes me look a lot younger and I guess immature. How I am supposed to take that? I have never had a guy try to change anything about me and I want to avoid a controlling relationship.

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ThatwasThen Grand Master

ThatwasThen

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I have gone on 2 dates w/this guy and have known him for less then a week. One thing that really bothers him is the bow in my hair (never over the top). He told me this saying that it makes me look a lot younger and I guess immature. How I am supposed to take that? I have never had a guy try to change anything about me and I want to avoid a controlling relationship.
He didn't tell you to take it out, he just told you he didn't like it.

 

If he's asking you out again, up to you whether or not you accept. It's hard to say at this point if he's controlling in general but he certainly isn't worried about offending you.

 

Did he volunteer that it bothered him or did you bring it up first? Did you wear the bow in you hair on both dates?

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j.man Grand Master

j.man

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Curious as to the answer of TWT's question as well. Previously, you pointed out your frosted tips to a dude and he didn't like them. Are you pointing out bows, too? Also, yeah, frosting tips and wearing bows kinda puts you in Lolita territory. Depending on the maturity of the men you're after, you might struggle a bit more to find one who's cool with all that.

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Person1001 Collaborator

Person1001

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He didn't tell you to take it out, he just told you he didn't like it.

 

If he's asking you out again, up to you whether or not you accept. It's hard to say at this point if he's controlling in general but he certainly isn't worried about offending you.

 

Did he volunteer that it bothered him or did you bring it up first? Did you wear the bow in you hair on both dates?

 

He brought it up 1st. I am going out w/him again, but I'm on high alert as I do not want a man, who hardly knows me to start insisting on changing how I look.

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ThatwasThen Grand Master

ThatwasThen

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He brought it up 1st. I am going out w/him again, but I'm on high alert as I do not want a man, who hardly knows me to start insisting on changing how I look.

He didn't insist you change the way you looked. He just told you he didn't care for the look. I suspect he is hoping you will voluntarily change it and if you don't, he'll likely not ask you out again which is what dating is all about... to find someone that we like as they are, not as we want them to be.

 

Does your profile picture portray you as way that is different then you currently are? It's concerning that these guys are asking you out and then telling you that they don't like your look.

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Person1001 Collaborator

Person1001

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He didn't insist you change the way you looked. He just told you he didn't care for the look. I suspect he is hoping you will voluntarily change it and if you don't, he'll likely not ask you out again which is what dating is all about... to find someone that we like as they are, not as we want them to be.

 

Does your profile picture portray you as way that is different then you currently are? It's concerning that these guys are asking you out and then telling you that they don't like your look.

 

Problem is he said he wants me to look sexy (guess it makes me look unsexy). My profile pictures look exactly the way I usually look.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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I have gone on 2 dates w/this guy and have known him for less then a week. One thing that really bothers him is the bow in my hair (never over the top). He told me this saying that it makes me look a lot younger and I guess immature. How I am supposed to take that? I have never had a guy try to change anything about me and I want to avoid a controlling relationship.

 

This^ plus he also told you he wants you to look sexy? On your second date?

 

Man this bozo takes the prize.

 

For me, dealbreaker. I would have politely excused myself, got up and left. Then blocked him.

 

Wondering why it's not a dealbreaker for you too. It should be.

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

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Is this the same guy who didn't like your colored hair? Either way, where are you finding these guys?

 

Great question.

 

In my response to yesterday's question, I suggest you take a holiday from dating. The latest question, reinforces my feelings even more.

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Annia Veteran

Annia

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He brought it up 1st. I am going out w/him again, but I'm on high alert as I do not want a man, who hardly knows me to start insisting on changing how I look.

 

Do you have a "trauma" about a someone trying to change you or making you do things you're not comfortable? That seems to be a common pattern in your threads.

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notalady Mentor

notalady

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Is this the same guy who didn't like your colored hair? Either way, where are you finding these guys?

 

That was my question too.

 

If it is the same guy, I would say stop dating him. If someone can't appreciate your style as is, whether he's trying to change you or not, it's just a no go from the start. You don't have to like everything about someone to date them, but if there is something you DISLIKE (or they dislike about you), then it's better to stop while it's still early.

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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In my response to yesterday's question, I suggest you take a holiday from dating. The latest question, reinforces my feelings even more.

Totally agree. It has been suggested in many many of her past threads to take a break from dating, but as we can see, that's not about to happen any time soon. Therapy has also been suggested many times in the past, and that's also not about to happen either.

 

OP, have you ever wondered why you are so unsuccessful at dating and finding a successful relationship? Sorry if this comes over as harsh, (not my intention), but YOU are the common denominator here. Perhaps it's time to really really take stock, be honest with yourself. Look within. Your lack of success lies in YOU. If you don't get to the bottom of all of your issues (professional help), you will forever be stuck in the zone that you are right now - jumping from man, to man, to man, from one week to the next.

 

It's been said before, but no harm in saying it again: Take a LONG, LONG, LONG BREAK FROM DATING, seek professional help and get to the bottom of your issues. Get yourself sorted out if you ever hope for a long, happy and successful relationship anytime in your future. At the current rate you're going, that's not going to happen. Get help.

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mustlovedogs Veteran

mustlovedogs

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I generally advocate to be yourself when dating, but I think wearing bows does project an image of childishness. I'm imagining seeing someone my age (mid-twenties, I'm not sure how old you are) with a bow in any kind of environment. My instinct says I would immediately question the individual's maturity and intellect.

 

This, combined with colored hair, feels a bit juvenile. I personally love colored hair - if I could make my hair purple, I would. But the combination feels juvenile.

 

I'm not trying to be mean. It's like the mantra "dress for the job you want, not the job you have" - try dressing (and behaving) for the guy you want.

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