Behavior pattern once in a serious relationship. Please help me get over it!!

[Mel9037]

Hello everyone, i have a serious problem. I have a behavior pattern that repeats shows up every time my relationship gets serious. I had 3 real relationships and number of casual ones and now i am married. Im 26 years old.

Every time my relationship gets serious or i start living with a man i start being distant and cold. My interest drastically reduces. I love the person but i stop being excited or sexually interested.

I perfectly function in relationship where i don't live with a man, where during the day i have my things to do and meet him evening time for example.

I can love a man soo much but still once relationship gets real my love stays but passion fades away. I feel like all the mystery is gone once i am so close to a man and i become so undercover. I literally stop being interesting even for myself and that makes me not interested in my relation. Its like i see a point of a relationship only while it has chase and mind games, and while ppl are not so much in each others business everyday. Long story short if relationship isnt like it is for first 3 months i get lost in it.

I still love but i feel towards my man as he was my sibling.

 

I cant stay this way. I need to learn now to keep excitement and how to keep myself excited in long term relationship, especially now that i am married.

I dont know why am i like this and what can i do to change this??

[1a1a]

Relatable.

 

Watch this, she is a wise woman

[Andrina]

Anything worth it in life takes effort. It's up to each partner to keep the passion alive. As far as the bedroom goes, you can visit a couples store and pick out new items together. Look at Cosmopolitan magazine online for new ideas. In other areas, you can take a dance class together, whether it be tango or salsa or swing. You can occasionally leave a lipstick note on his mirror. You can text him while you're at work to tell him you have a surprise for him when he gets home. When you are creative and invested, he should respond with his own great efforts.

 

It's also important to have time to miss each other, which means keeping up with time spent with girlfriends, and time spent on a hobby or interest of your own. Of course, don't make it an unhealthy balance that too much time is spent apart from each other. Be realistic that your relationship will go through phases of highs, lows, and plateaus, and that's normal. Good luck.

[Hollyj]

Get some therapy.

[Batya33]

I don't think it's about keeping it exciting in the way you describe exciting - it's about finding a relationship interesting/exciting without the thrill of the chase part. And also being happy without having a constant high of excitement. One way is to check in with yourself to make sure you're getting enough space, independence and me-time. It's fine to be in each other's business but not essential to a happy, healthy relationship, especially not all the time.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately the problem isn't your relationships or men. It's lack of an interesting life for yourself. Marriage is not to provide constant excitement or entertainment from a boring real life.

 

Take some college courses, join some groups or clubs. Volunteer. Be physically active. Get in shape, update yourself, new clothes, hair etc. Do some new and interesting things with your life. Get out of a rut. Make new friends.

Long story short if relationship isnt like it is for first 3 months i get lost in it.

I still love but i feel towards my man as he was my sibling.

[catfeeder]

You see the pattern, so have you brought this to counselling? People have no trouble hiring a plumber or tax expert for practical matters, but what could be more practical than your marriage and your quality of life? Hire a therapist and work through this.