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I think I got raped last night? What now ?


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I went to the club with my friends last night. We were pre gaming so I was already a bit tipsy by the time I got there. Saw this guy from campus who I always thought was cute and he asked if I wanted a drink. I said yes. Please don t judge but I took a quarter of xanax while drunk. Bad idea so I blacked out. My friends didn t stop me from going home with him but I guess I did. I literally don t remember anything. I remember I was in his bed (no idea how I got there) and he was trying to wake me up but I started throwing up on him. By that point I remember saying "I m sorry. Should I leave ? I think I should leave. Take me hone" that s the last thing I remember. Then I woke up completely naked and I was sore down there. I checked and I think there was semen on me. The next morning, he kicked me out because he said he had "stuff to do". I apologized for throwing up on him and I asked if we could talk about last night . He refused to talk about it. He wanted me out of there as soon as possible. I couldn't find my heels and credit card and he told me he would give it to me later. I refused to ever see him again so I was demanding it now. He found my credit card and said that I was being "rude" when he was the one who was being a douche. I had to walk home barefoot. He didn't even bother to show me the door.And now I feel so sh1tty. I couldn t remember anything and I m pretty sure we had sex

 

What should I do now ?

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Please go to your local ER and have an examination done. They usually can determine if you've had intercourse. If there are signs of forceful intercourse they can find those as well. They can also gather a semen sample and test you for STDs, plus give you Plan B.

 

Have you showered? If so, much of what could be considered evidence might have been washed away, but they still should be able to get information.

 

They probably will call in law enforcement if there are indications of sexual assault. You can give a statement at that time.

 

If you can, have your mother, sister or a trusted friend accompany you.

 

I am so sorry this happened. I'm sure you have learned that combining prescription drugs with alcohol is a bad idea.

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Yes, you were raped. I am sorry. I was drugged and raped at 19. I wish I knew who he was so I could have called the police. People need to understand if someone is unconscious or drunk they cannot consent and leave them alone .

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Please please

Please please get to your local ER and get checked out. No one is blaming you for anything that happened last night. HOWVER, young beautiful smart women must be on their guard at all times when out among strangers, particularly at clubs and bars. There are predators out there, and you most be aware of them. They are handsome and smart and look just like you want them to look. And they know this. BE MINDFUL! Don't be ashamed of some jack*** doing what jack**** do. You are fabulous.

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Your "friends" are not friends at all if they would abandon you to go home with some guy you are not seriously dating when you are black-out drunk.

 

That being said, as others have advised, get to the ER and tell them what went down. At the very least, go to your local pharmacy and get the Morning After Pill and take it as directed. Promise yourself you will not drink to that extent again, that you'll always be in control of all faculties and all times.

 

He deserves to be charged if he's doing what it appears he did to you.

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Thank you for all your support.

I didn't wanna report it at all but my sister convinced me to go to the ER and do a rape kit. I also filed a report to the police.

After a long day at the ER, I finally got home, took my makeup off and noticed my left cheek was tender and there was a light bruise. Do you think it's from him?

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Also, I do understand that mixing xanax with alcohol is a bad idea. Don't judge but I've been abusing xanax while drinking for a while and I only take a quarter (.50mg) I can usually recall everything when I do this. But that night, I blacked out completely and I didn't think that I drank that much either. I never blacked out like that before which is worrisome. I understand and take full responsibility for taking xanax and drinking at the same time .That's why I was hesitant to report it because I pretty much did this to myself.

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Also, I do understand that mixing xanax with alcohol is a bad idea. Don't judge but I've been abusing xanax while drinking for a while and I only take a quarter (.50mg) I can usually recall everything when I do this. But that night, I blacked out completely and I didn't think that I drank that much either. I never blacked out like that before which is worrisome. I understand and take full responsibility for taking xanax and drinking at the same time .That's why I was hesitant to report it because I pretty much did this to myself.

 

No.

 

By combining alcohol and prescription medication, you harmed yourself. But you did NOT cause another person to sexually assault you. That is 100% on your attacker.

 

I do hope you don't try that dangerous combination again. But no matter what substances you ingest, that does NOT give anyone the right to assault you.

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The fact is he also could have roofied you, in addition to the Xanax. Particularly if you have never blacked out before when taking it in combo with alcohol. Never a good idea, I would discourage that regardless, but just to point out that yeah he may well have spiked your drink. If he would do what he did and act like he did, then this is not outside the realm of possibility.

 

I hope you're doing better and would also urge you to see a counselor or someone, just to talk about it all and make sure that mentally and emotionally you process what happened. Stay safe out there.

 

Also if you never got your credit card back or even if you did, make sure to report it may have been stolen and get a new number to replace the old one. If he still has it I hope you added that to the report, that he stole from you.

 

So sorry this happened and I hope you're doing better. And don't let the college try to take over any criminal investigation, keep it with real police outside of a college campus.

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You have every right to want to get this investigated as with anything. Just because you can't remember is not evidence you were passed out. Blacked out does not mean passed out. That is one distinction a lot of people don't understand. You could have consented to the sex just like people make decisions to go behind the wheel when drunk and capable of driving home, but also having no recollection of doing so. They weren't passed out when they were driving, and they weren't passed out when they made decisions. The drugs you took could have had an effect on the formation of long term memories, but not your capacity of making decisions.

 

My personal opinion is, I don't care if you're a man or a woman, don't put yourself in these situations. Your experience through the legal system if you go that route may actually be worse that what you went through. It can have a negative effect on your social life, the people you hang out with. People on this forum don't know you, they don't care the consequences that you may face. They are just interested in making politically correct statements. If you're struggling go see someone professional if you can, don't go to any of your friends because they are not neutral in any of this, and they also really don't have any experience. It might help sort out some difficult emotions in a safe place.

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You have every right to want to get this investigated as with anything. Just because you can't remember is not evidence you were passed out. Blacked out does not mean passed out. That is one distinction a lot of people don't understand. You could have consented to the sex just like people make decisions to go behind the wheel when drunk and capable of driving home, but also having no recollection of doing so. They weren't passed out when they were driving, and they weren't passed out when they made decisions. The drugs you took could have had an effect on the formation of long term memories, but not your capacity of making decisions.

 

My personal opinion is, I don't care if you're a man or a woman, don't put yourself in these situations. Your experience through the legal system if you go that route may actually be worse that what you went through. It can have a negative effect on your social life, the people you hang out with. People on this forum don't know you, they don't care the consequences that you may face. They are just interested in making politically correct statements. If you're struggling go see someone professional if you can, don't go to any of your friends because they are not neutral in any of this, and they also really don't have any experience. It might help sort out some difficult emotions in a safe place.

Yeah, I do care about what happens to her . I have been in her shoes.

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That guy's reaction is also very typical of the day after situation. Sounds like a total creep. Appling that kind of pressure on you is a manipulation technique to have you not think logically. He could have also slipped you something in addition to whatever you had. It is this dillholes fault, not yours.

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Yeah, I do care about what happens to her . I have been in her shoes.

 

What happened to her? The OP certainly doesn't seem to know, she has no recollection. It's not strange to have no memory of the night before when you are messed up on alcohol and pills. If you care about the OP why do you make all these wild speculations about what could have happened, why not stick to the truth?

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Luke, I ask again, why do you dislike women so much that you come to every rape thread to make them feel horrible and doubt themselves?

 

Be straight you don't care about her. Not one iota.

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Luke, I ask again, why do you dislike women so much that you come to every rape thread to make them feel horrible and doubt themselves?

 

Be straight you don't care about her. Not one iota.

 

You can try having a contest about who cares more, I am not even sure how that relates to the issue at hand here. It is time for you to be straight, is the basis for asserting that she definitely was raped just to make her feel better? I don't see how you are making her feel better.

 

I don't know, you don't know, we weren't there and the OP has no recollection. I am not casting any doubt about what she said, everything I assumed to be true.

 

We know somethings about drugs and alcohol and how they can interfere with long term memory formation and knowledge is power. You can be drunk, and under the influence of drugs and be aware of your surroundings and capable of making decisions. This is true for the OP and the guy she was with. These things are good to know especially if she is planning on getting drunk and messed up again. These things were good for me to know when I was young and going to college. She could have been passed out and taken advantage of, the only person as far as we know is the guy she was with unless he was messed up too and doesn't remember.

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For the record:

 

"I don't know, you don't know, we weren't there and the OP has no recollection. I am not casting any doubt about what she said, everything I assumed to be true.

"

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The main point I raised, and was the reason why I responded to this thread wasn't to say anything about whether the rape happened or not. I just wanted to point out to the OP the difference between blacked out and passed out. That just because you black out and can't remember what happened doesn't mean that you must have passed out and if sex happened then it would have been rape as you could not have consented.

 

The problem with that is that it is quite possible to be lucid, aware of your surroundings, know who you are with, and capable of making decisions, but the drugs and alcohol is interfering with your brain's capacity to make long term memories. We have a pretty good understanding of this and a fair amount of research has gone into this, because it is an important legal issue.

 

The advantage of this forum is that we can absolutely believe anyone on face value who comes here because the guy whom is being accused here is anonymous. This would not be the case if the OP talked about it with her friends. Another point I made. Don't talk about it with your friends because it would not be fair to them. You are instantly deciding for them to not be neutral and forcing them to pick a side. Often that can backfire.

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Myth: If the assailant, victim, or both are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, the victim is free to consent to sex and the assailant therefore cannot be charged with rape.

Fact: When intoxicated, an individual cannot legally consent to sexual activity. Forcing sex on someone who is too drunk to give consent is still Criminal Sexual Conduct in the Third Degree. Rape is a serious offense, and people who commit crimes while under the influence of alcohol or drugs are not considered free from guilt.

 

Myth: If a husband has sex with his wife without her consent, it is not legally considered rape.

Fact: Regardless of the marital or social relationship between the assailant and victim, if an individual does not consent to sexual activity, he or she is being sexually assaulted. In fact, 14% of women are victims of rape committed by their husband.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Myth: Only certain types of women get raped.

Fact: One in four college women report surviving rape (15 percent) or attempted rape (12 percent) since their fourteenth birthday. (oneinfourusa.org) 80% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 30

 

 

 

Myth: A person can avoid being raped as long as he or she follows certain guidelines, such as acting or dressing conservatively, not going out at night alone, and refraining from drinking alcohol or doing drugs.

Fact: Rape can happen to anyone at any time, no matter how cautious they are. Advising people to follow “guidelines” to avoid being sexually assaulted puts the responsibility of the assault on the victim. Instead, it is the responsibility of the assailant to avoid sexually assaulting others, and as a community, it is our responsibility to understand and promote the fact that sexual assault is never trivial, excusable or deserved, and

 

it is never the victim’s fault.

 

 

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Did you even read her post? She said she remembers asking to go home after throwing up. Then wakes up naked and with vaginal soreness. If a girl is throwing up and asking to go home you don't instead end up getting all her clothes off and having sex. Where is the logical connection there other than what the majority of people are saying. Throwing up means too much alcohol. Asking to go home means "I want to leave". After a girl says those things your next move isn't strip her and have sex. A guy would put himself in an extremely jeopardized situation having a one night stand with a girl after she said those things. It looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is probably a duck. How about instead of trying to dissuade a person from using a narrow window of time to get a test, you let the police get his story and see what adds up.

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