Older and hopefully wiser

[Whatnow67]

I just have to get this off my chest as I feel this is not anything I can confide in my female friends of family members; I'm too ashamed.

 

I'm turning 50 in a few months and I have managed, in less than one year, to completely screw up my life.

 

A year and a half ago, I was living in the southwest, raising my child alone, after a humiliating divorce during my pregnancy. I was struggling a little financially, but could make ends meet and had a small, but tight, group of female friends who had my back. The only problem was that I was very very far away from my entire extended family in New England. I decided to apply for jobs up and down the east coast and a year ago, I got offered one, in Florida, a promotion. Close enough!

 

Soon after moving, I started to get very lonely, having no close friends here, and started to feel like I was ready to have a romantic relationship again. I hadn't dated at all since my child was born, and I missed affection. Maybe I didn't want to be alone forever. Maybe 7 years was long enough.

 

Long story short, and leaving out the worst of the pathetic details, I joined a dating site and 9 short months later, I've been "romance scammed" out of the vast majority of my retirement fund - without actually having a relationship at all, really - and due to some other poor decisions, am in the process of declaring bankruptcy for the first time in my life. My self loathing is almost infinite.

 

Of course, yesterday, in a typical example of the mess I am right now, I managed to space that school was closed for some reason and missed work for the second time this week as I had no backup childcare. I'm pretty good at my job, but I can't keep on being unprofessional like this. I was so depressed by everything that I left my child watch tv and spent much of the day in bed, but now that wallowing is done and I need to somehow get it together. And I will.

[melancholy123]

You need some focus to sort out your life; perhaps some counselling would help you to see straighter.

[Dahl]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry that you are going through such a tumultuous period! It can and will get better.

 

I agree with Melancholy. Is professional intervention available to you? There is absolutely no shame in having difficulty navigating so many trying issues and experiences. You seem to be mentally and emotionally exhausted and who can blame you. Talking to a professional and seeking therapeutic assistance is a smart move and any professional worth their salt will not make you feel self-conscious or judged - you are trying to improve your life and help yourself and good on you!

 

In addition to reading the many collective stories, feedback and advice on this forum, perhaps you might be interested in the journal section to help you sort and track your thoughts and feelings?

 

Please continue to post here and let us know how we might help. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best!

[Whatnow67]

Thank you and I'll look into your suggestions. I appreciate it.

[Whatnow67]

You need some focus to sort out your life; perhaps some counselling would help you to see straighter.

 

Thank you. I will do that.