How do I get him to admit he loves me?

[12tomorrow]

Hi, so me and my ex boyfriend broke up in January after over 2 years together. We had a rough 3 months leading up to the breakup, I was diagnosed with a lifelong illness making me stressed which ended up with us arguing a lot. He would never ever cheat on me but he had issues with being honest about smaller things and because of that he really hurt me and ended up telling me he didn't have feelings for me anymore.

 

I was heartbroken but in the past couple of months we've got closer again, we spent a lot of time together, and are very close, I ended up staying over at his house last weekend and we had a perfect time together, hanging out like we used to. We slept in the same bed and although we weren't properly cuddling together, we were close together and he seemed like he wanted to. I found him just looking at me a lot, in a loving way. He calls me beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous etc etc and he's generally really affectionate.

 

We're the closest to each other and he talks to me about almost everything except there's this one thing that's been troubling him and when I try to ask him about it, he says that it's something he can't talk about with me because he's "too much of a coward to face his emotions" and leaves it at that. I saw a text on his phone between him and his friend where he said that his feelings for me are confusing because he broke up with me in the first place.

 

It's fairly obvious he still wants to be with me but I know for a fact he still feels so much guilt for hurting me when we broke up and he thinks he's not good enough for me so I think he's afraid to put me through that again and so he's not being honest about how he feels. How do I reassure him that he does deserve me and we should be together? And how do I help him feel able to admit his feelings and get back with me?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds you have agreed to downshift to fwb. This false security is holding you back from a real relationship with anyone. If he wanted a relationship again he would be crystal clear not use the "it's me not you" excuse .

the past couple of months we've got closer again, we spent a lot of time together, and are very close, I ended up staying over at his house last weekend and we had a perfect time together, hanging out like we used to.

[abitbroken]

Don't get him to admit anything. It doesn't matter if he loves you or not because you are not together - you just had a little nostalgic interlude. I suggest hanging out with friends and telling him that you are not going to hang out with him like that for old time's sake if you are not dating. I would stop the daily chats and to tell him not to call you for awhile until he knows for sure whether or not he wants to try again or move on.

[ThatwasThen]

I guess as long as he still has you in his life when he deems it while being free to date others if he wants, he never has to tell you he wants to be with you ~ because he IS with you but without the commitment since he broke up with you.

 

Give him the gift of missing you through distancing yourself. This limbo he has you in isn't in your best interests.

[catfeeder]

How do I get him to admit he loves me?

 

Love isn't something we can manipulate out of someone. Either he's a grown adult who's capable of owning up to his own feelings, or he's not, in which case he's not even relationship material.

 

If you want to settle for crumbs while hanging out on the periphery of someone's life inventing fantasies about how they feel while their actions don't align with that, you can do that--it's not against the law. It just seems like a waste of time and self respect to me.