Coworker

[Lucha]

I've recently started two topics on being attracted to a coworker. We are both women, she has a girlfriend and I am single. From the start, we have had huge chemistry between us and initially I pursued her until I knew she had a gf. But there was definitely some mutual interest despite her relationship. We did go for drinks as coworkers a few times and this is were some flirting began. She was clear however she was with someone and I tried to respect that. However, in those few 'non romantic' dates we had she really messed with my mind subsequently stating that 1. She has a girlfriend and didnt want to cross any boundaries 2. She said she had feelings for me and seriously doubted her RS and claimed to have talked about this to her boss? (Which is not my boss, im a doctor she isnt) but came to the conclusion that we cannot date since we work in the same department and her job is even more important than her girlfriend 3. She states she can be in love with a few people at a time (me and her girlfriend) and she can enjoy this flirting but will choose her girlfriend. She even outright states how she is not what I need etc. And how I deserve better.

 

Since I am not new to dating and attraction I obviously see all the red flags, hell There might as well be giant neon warning sign next to her. Rationally I know this, emotionally I have feelings for her. What worked best for me in the past in similar situations is to go contact, butttt we work together.

More importantly, she continues to look for my attention by using social media to send me work related topics such as articles, etc. Sometimes she sends sweet messages as well but mostly work related.

 

I am a little unsure of how to approach this as I do not want to burn any bridges, do not want to create an awkward working environment and I do like her so don't want to hurt her. She said she knows I'll probably become more distant somewhere in the future as she continues to choose for her girlfriend and it will hurt her. Ofcourse now she is hurting me too so that shouldn't be any of my priorities.

 

But in short: I really like her and enjoy her affection, however I know this is bad for me and I should put an end to this. But we work together and no contact is not an option. Professional contact is but then do I ignore her texts?

 

Any thoughts?

[Lucha]

Also important is that I only work there for half a year. So in a few months I'll be transferred to another hospital (as a doctor in residency we switch departments every six months).

[Wiseman2]

Even though you are so fond of her, don't let her string you along, if that's what it starts to feel like.

[hyden]

I've recently started two topics on being attracted to a coworker...

 

But why? And is this one of the two, or is this a third referencing the other two. Why would you want the details scattered amongst different threads?

[Lucha]

But why? And is this one of the two, or is this a third referencing the other two. Why would you want the details scattered amongst different threads?

 

Sorry for the shattered topic but the previous topics only described how my feelings for this woman evolved. I tried to describe them in this topic in short.

 

Can I just get some feedback?

[catfeeder]

I'd just treat her the same as any married or 'taken' person I've ever encountered anywhere--school, community groups, jobs, whatever. I'd be friendly enough to keep work fun, but professional enough to keep relationships in context. No sexual language including body language, no flirting, no dirty jokes, nothing that doesn't belong in a work environment in the first place.

 

When it comes to digital contact, I'd view it as spam. I'd consider any message sent to me in the context of being sent to multiple people so that my mind and responses stay in check. I would never message anything that I wouldn't want to see posted on a public bulletin board.

 

As for social contact, I'd keep it to groups. If she invites me to lunch or drinks, I wouldn't go without bringing another coworker.

 

The idea isn't to freeze her out in some punitive shut down, but rather to respect yourself and your own professionalism and your own head. There's nothing enticing about anyone who'd be disloyal to their own partner, anyway. So I'd skip fantasy building and avoid developing any deeper intimacy without making it a dramatic display. Turning down any invite from a coworker is not a big deal, so I wouldn't build it into one in my own head.

 

You're the driver of this in your own life, not her. Take the wheel and steer wisely.