Why do people play with each other?

[GabGab]

It's so irritating, when one is trying to be serious and genuinely wants a relationship, while the other person is just playing mind-games. Why are people so childish, even people in their

30s and as far as their 40s, "oh I don't really know what I want" always seems to be their excuse.

[Annia]

Some people play games because they're afraid of the vulnerability of being themselves and truly try something different. Other people are really lost and don't really know what they want.

[Pretzel]

I think it's also an unfortunate case of people not really realising what they lose out (or how much they lose) from not being more direct and binary.

 

It takes realising that, in order to stop wavering.

[Batya33]

It's so irritating, when one is trying to be serious and genuinely wants a relationship, while the other person is just playing mind-games. Why are people so childish, even people in their

30s and as far as their 40s, "oh I don't really know what I want" always seems to be their excuse.

 

"Don't know" most often means "no" so interpret it that way. Might not be a game at all -might be a person who is internally conflicted and sharing that with you.

[DancingFool]

Anything other than a resounding yes is a no. In a dating context, "I don't know what I want" usually means they are not that into you and aren't interested in a relationship with you. Most people just won't be so blunt and direct, so they give you the it's no you it's me line in that they don't know what they want or they are confused or busy or insert whatever excuse. It all still boils down to a simple "no" to whatever you want from them or with them.

[ParisPaulette]

Because some people have emotional/mental/life issues and have neither the foresight or desire to change those.

 

When you boil it down that's pretty much what it is regardless of "reasons." Everyone can have a different reason, none of that matters, but sane people don't play games. When I adopted that view I pretty much stopped tolerating the game players in my life. It just became, "Uh-oh, this one has issues, buh-bye."

[Wiseman2]

It's not a game. It's either the truth or a red flag.

"oh I don't really know what I want"

[katrina1980]

It's so irritating, when one is trying to be serious and genuinely wants a relationship, while the other person is just playing mind-games. Why are people so childish, even people in their

30s and as far as their 40s, "oh I don't really know what I want" always seems to be their excuse.

 

Not sure if you are a man or woman, but if you are a woman dating a man, and have been available showing high interest, and he tells you he "doesn't know what he wants," disappear from his life, guarantee he'll figure out "what he wants" real fast.

[Annia]

"Don't know" most often means "no" so interpret it that way. Might not be a game at all -might be a person who is internally conflicted and sharing that with you.

 

I now interpret the "Don't know", "I'm not interested in a relationship right now", "I'm too busy right now", "I'm focusing on my a career", "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" and similar stuff as "No, I don't want a relationship with you" too. It's easier than hanging on.

[SoulTaker]

It's so irritating, when one is trying to be serious and genuinely wants a relationship, while the other person is just playing mind-games. Why are people so childish, even people in their

30s and as far as their 40s, "oh I don't really know what I want" always seems to be their excuse.

 

To answer your question, people play "mind games" because there are other people out there who allow it. It ain't that complicated. People are usually either dating "casual", or "exclusive". For me, anything vague ("I don't really know") gets thrown in the "casual" basket. The smart daters will find out quickly which is the case, and if it's what they're looking for.

[thealchemist]

If you understand someone is playing a game and you want a relationship that is great. It is only a game when you participate. Sounds like it is time to find someone who wants a relationship too.

[Zippy2000]

Some people don't necessary play games but have delay tactics to get close, or change their minds about someone only to change their minds again to back to them.

[Sportster2005]

It's so irritating, when one is trying to be serious and genuinely wants a relationship, while the other person is just playing mind-games. Why are people so childish, even people in their

30s and as far as their 40s, "oh I don't really know what I want" always seems to be their excuse.

 

To answer that question you would have to answer the question 'why do people behave the way they do?'. The short answer is, to have our needs and wants met. The problem is some people have learned to do that in a healthy manner, others haven't. Some also aren't empathetic to the feelings and needs of others. Or more simply, they are selfish. The reasons people are like, this fill library shelves at the local university.

 

Instead of wondering why, we are better off avoiding people like this, and being on alert for our own bad behaviour. We all have some.

 

 

And unfortunately bad behaviour can be very successful at getting what we want. We have a tendency to want what we can't have. This is why playing aloof can benefit you, if you are interested in someone. And it's the reason push/pull can be effective. Someone thinks they're getting close, and you pull back a bit. Makes them try harder. These are usually learned behaviours from trial and error. Or you can read about them on the Internet. But are they really bad? These are just innate desires and behaviour on some level.

 

We do play games. All of us. The simple act of being on our best behaviour on a first date. Laughing at a non-funny joke with a crush. Being in places accidentally on purpose. When we get together we call the ritual courting and speak of it in positive terms. When we don't get together we often accuse our crushes of playing games. It's a thin line.