LonelyJedi Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 Hello everyone - I have never felt so low in my life. The love of my life, my fiance, left me on 03/24/17. We were together since 2011. We had our few bumps in the road, but we always managed to talk things through & get over them. Apparently, she couldn't conquer her family's issues with me. FULL STORIES: THE BREAKUP EX POST BREAKUP BEHAVIOR EX'S CRUELNESS WILL SHE RETURN? It has only been one month and I have not heard a peep out of her since she dropped off the box of my stuff on my porch. The things I have heard about her since that time is from a mutual friend of ours. Please read my previous threads to get a better understanding of what exactly happened... please, I NEED HELP. I have been staying with my parents because I cannot sleep at my own house because it is far too painful to stay there, let alone sleep there. All of the upgrades/updates we did together. That house serves as a reminder for my failures. The house is far too big for just myself. I miss her so much and I can't bear this pain for much longer.... suicidal thoughts keep crawling into my head. I keep thinking that this will be all over soon... there is always a way out. Suicide is the emergency exit. I don't have to worry about the stresses at my job anymore, I don't have to worry about having the awful nightmares that make me gasp for air through the night, I don't have to keep calling the suicide prevention line, I don't have to keep panicking when my weekends aren't packed with plans, I don't have to worry about finding another girl that matches my personality, I don't have to be in pain anymore.... I have a lot to live for.... I have my college degree, don't have any debt, have my own house, have a well-paying job, etc. But when my fiance left me, I have nothing. I feel like life is no longer worth living if she is not in my life. Since she left, she has begun doing behaviors that she told me she did not like doing. Drinking almost every night with her co-workers (which she said she didn't like that much & neither did I), going on work trips (which she didn't really like doing either), and she is telling some mutual friends that EVERYTHING was my fault... no matter if it was or not. Please.. help me.... I can't keep living like this. It has only been a month and I have never been in so much pain before. I have been seeing a therapist, but they just keep telling me to "move on". My parents are also getting tired of me wanting her back and are encouraging me to move on with my life. But I do want her back, so much..... I want to talk to her and resolve our issues like we ALWAYS have. Everything in my life serves as a reminder to my failures and everything is a flashback to the memories her & I shared together. I just want to talk to her again and talk things through, but I fear she will never return. I don't want to start all over.... I wanted to marry her & have a family together. I don't want to keep having these thoughts.. they scare me. Link to comment
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