Lozzy80 Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 I have been married to my husband for 3.5 years, and been living together for just over 5. we got serious pretty quick - he is charming, and appeared very attentive , caring - so swept me off my feet basically. I guess there have always been red flags along the way, or gut instinct that he is perhaps a little too controlling for me but in the early days felt all the good points outweighed any bad. However his mood swings now become more frequent, he very rarely accompanies me on any family get togethers and I saw my friends less and less as well as other rules I have to abide by to keep the peace.... To cut a very long story short this year a couple of situations really made me see the light. I have recognised my husband is constantly demanding, takes very little responsibility with the household whilst expecting me to do pretty much everything whilst I work full time - whilst he works half the hours on basis of his job being more stressful and physical. There are lots of issues that can trigger bad moods that can last a day, or several weeks - and cannot predict or control a lot of these because they are external. But to top this off this year has basically just been unbearable. I came to realise my needs really never ever will come first no matter what situation I am in. I had a significant career change and instead of having his support he turned on me . It's like a light bulb went off in my head - all niggling doubts now confirmed. It has been like an out of body experience these past 6 weeks - his demands, sudden happy moods when suits, followed by dark moods to create other outcomes etc - i just suddenly really wised up to all of it. As well as becoming wiser to his manipulation of moods/arguments amongst other tactics, about 4 days ago I came across triangulation on this forum - did the research and again another lightbulb moment - he uses his mum and female co workers against me and also against each other too ! Crazy thing is I'm still going along with his game , tending to his needs and so on, because I've been thinking really hard now about how to escape, so it's like I've gone into survival mode if that makes sense ? Don't think it's denial anyway ... i know deep down we need to get a divorce but i feel paralysed! I am really scared of his reaction - as much as I try psyche myself ahead of any argument and vow I won't be affected by his harsh words and temper (only verbal but still fills me with fear) he still destroys me! Also I have the issue of what we do next, where does one of us go to live or stay? I can't afford rent and my half the mortgage on top, and he certainly wont agree to contribute any more to bills. Not even want to think about our dog yet - he's a rescue who has been through hell and we have worked so hard with him to help overcome various issues. I don't feel I can talk to anyone , my friends I only see socially now and then for past few years so I don't deserve their listening ear. My parents are elderly and have their own health and worries. So yes, I am pretty much alone, and just very stuck on what to do next Link to comment
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