Working through the past:/

[fellow martian]

Me and my bf of 1 and a half years are talking about it being the right time to move in. Mostly to him.

But I feel like I'm not ready. Last April I broke up with him b/c I needed him to start treating me right which he wasn't doing.(he is now) during that time we hung out almost every day, said i love you and planned to get back together. We did in a few weeks.

3 months later he says he had sex with 2 girls during that time. If he knew we were getting back together & we were practically still kinda dating why would he do that.

Now it still hurts and I'm scared if we live together these thoughts will drive me crazy . Is it possible to get past this..?

[Iggy5129]

I wouldn't be able to get past it. But if you decide to you will have to leave it in the past and not constantly bring it up.

 

Personally I think sometimes things get to damaged to be repaired. In my opinion this is one of those times. But you have to decide if it is for yourself.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Do not move in or feel pressured to move in.

 

He won't change and it will magnify all the problems you've had including this: "I broke up with him b/c I needed him to start treating me right which he wasn't doing" and this: "he had sex with 2 girls during that time".

 

Why live with someone you can't trust and who doesn't treat you right?

[j.man]

What does "not treat you right" mean? Also, he didn't really do anything wrong in having sex with other women while you weren't officially together. You dumped him and he had no reason to be confident in reconciliation as a result. If your goal was to give him a reality check, then that's a case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

 

But definitely don't move in if you're not ready. Sooner or later (in theory), you'll indefinitely forfeit your own entire habitation... I've never seen the rush in getting there.

[SadSadgirl]

if you're not ready don't move in. communicate.

[fellow martian]

He called me names and took his anger out on me. Mostly about my looks...I'm too skinny or pizza face. I feel like he did it cuz of the way I looked. I gained some weight and look better now I'm self conscious if I still looked the way I did he wouldn't have changed so much

[Wiseman2]

Ditch this ahole permanently. Don't move in, move on.

He called me names and took his anger out on me. Mostly about my looks...I'm too skinny or pizza face.

[Rezie]

He sounds like an idiot for calling you names? Did he apologise, you talked about it and he has not done anything like than since you got back together? He hooked up with someone else when you were broken up? In my opinion that's not too bad. You should talk to him and say you are not ready to move in. If he is not ok with this then he is not the guy for you.

[fellow martian]

He worked hard to change himself an his behavior after the first break up so no I don't experience it with him anymore.

I always believed the issue had more to do with my insecurities although those girls aren't....let's just say if I was a dude I wouldn't go there. My pride taking awhile to recover.

Thank yal for the support it's helping me come to a decision.