I left him but I think I made a mistake

[9224sp]

There's this guy that I love and I known him for 3 years. We hung out for a year and a half before we had sex and had nice times with each other. We fell off a little after that and around the same time I was dealing with domestic violence at home and I was raped. I was really hurt and confused. Fast forward 11 months and I'm getting ready to enter a new relationship. He calls out the blue and tells me he was afraid that he was in love with me that's why he was so distant. I told him I was involved and not interested. After two months the new relationship ended badly and left me feeling insecure but free. After a couple weeks I contacted him and we been talking for 2 months now. In the beginning my ex was contacting me a lot and popping up at my house and he told me he didn't like it and he didn't want to continue with me unless he wasn't in the picture. So I became firm with with my ex and he understood. So lately my love and I are decent though I'm still reluctant at times with him out of fear. I also don't go out much anymore and I have always worked 2 and 3 jobs. He's had a problem with me going out before and working but he says he understands now. I live an hour from him now instead of being 20 minutes away but I don't mind the trip. He has a new car and comes to see me every week. He adopted me a kitten that I adore but all of a sudden he's becoming distant again. He told me he's been getting more work and I accept that. He calls me and we speak for like 5 minutes until he says he has to call me back and never does. He asked me out on a date and I felt like he was trying to make things better because he saw that I noticed the change. I'm happy as long as he's trying. He came over my house last Friday after I got off late from work. I had another job to go to in a few hours so I told him just to stay until I get back in the morning. We were affectionate before I left he hugged and kissed me. When I got back he was on my couch and I wanted to lay next to him for a few minutes before I made breakfast. His phone was laying next to him so I picked it up to move and checked the time since mine was dead. I saw a text from a girl saying good morning baby. I was shocked and guilty because I never check his phone. I don't believe in that. My ex had a fixation with my phone so I really hate it. I didn't unlock it I just sat down while he was asleep but I got up quickly because my nerves were driving me crazy. I felt so jealous and betrayed. He tells me I'm the only one a lot without me asking. We spent the day together but I wasn't as affectionate. We laughed together but I wouldn't even sit next to him and just wanted to sleep. The fear of him abandoning me again came back heavy. I felt like that way he wasn't able to speak to me not work. As he was getting ready to go home I told him I don't think we should speak anymore. I told him I hate that he ignores me and that he never calls back. He said he cares about me a lot but when he calls me I don't have much to say anymore and I should go out more. I pissed now because I literally don't talk because he always interupts and says he can't talk at the moment. I don't mind being alone either I decided that was good for me after I was raped instead of going out and finding someone that might hurt me. I feel like I made a mistake though. I can't stop thinking about him and crying. We're technically not together. Should I have asked him about the text first instead of leaving ? Is it me ?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are not ready to date no less be in a relationship. There are still too many ex issues clouding all this.

 

You sound angry and unable to handle a range of emotions. Perhaps you need to unpack and sort out your abusive ex issues in therapy.

 

Agree you need to be alone and get some help and not play all this out in one relationship after another.

In the beginning my ex was contacting me a lot and popping up at my house and he told me he didn't like it and he didn't want to continue with me unless he wasn't in the picture. My ex had a fixation with my phone so I really hate it.

The fear of him abandoning me again came back heavy.

I told him I don't think we should speak anymore.

I told him I hate that he ignores me

I pissed now because I literally don't talk because he always interupts

I don't mind being alone either I decided that was good for me after I was raped instead of going out and finding someone that might hurt me.

[J Miracle]

If you left him because you dont like being ignored, that makes sense. Did you talk to him about that issue and try to solve the problem?

 

If you left him because of the text, it sounds like you were dishonest. Honesty is generally the best policy. You may have acted out of emotion and fear, and are now regretting it.

[saluk]

I see difficult situations, strong decisions, and no mistakes. (And not enough paragraphs

 

Have you gotten counseling from the D.V. incident and rape?

 

I'm sorry for what you've been through. You didn't deserve it.

[9224sp]

I see difficult situations, strong decisions, and no mistakes. (And not enough paragraphs

 

Have you gotten counseling from the D.V. incident and rape?

 

I'm sorry for what you've been through. You didn't deserve it.

Thank you and no I didn't. I figured if I worked more for one and went out more the other that I would forget both.

[9224sp]

If you left him because you dont like being ignored, that makes sense. Did you talk to him about that issue and try to solve the problem?

 

If you left him because of the text, it sounds like you were dishonest. Honesty is generally the best policy. You may have acted out of emotion and fear, and are now regretting it.

We spoke about it and he was making efforts to fix it I believe. I was trying to be more understanding. And yes was I was dishonest. I didn't want him to not trust me about the phone. I didn't know how to ask.

[9224sp]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are not ready to date no less be in a relationship. There are still too many ex issues clouding all this.

 

You sound angry and unable to handle a range of emotions. Perhaps you need to unpack and sort out your abusive ex issues in therapy.

 

Agree you need to be alone and get some help and not play all this out in one relationship after another.

I thought I could get through it without therapy, but the pain seems to keep piling up. I appreciate it. I'm going to look into getting help.