1a1a Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I don't actually know where to put this, since glass half full would see it in "getting back together". I don't want to get my hopes up though so I've been treating it like a break up. Being on break!! How did you feel? What did you do? How did you deal? What was the outcome? My ex and I tried getting back together, but all of his actions seemed to suggest he wasn't interested in me and I felt increasingly insecure and needy (while he burnt out from work and music and me commitments and went into a low functioning phase which just made everything worse). It all came to a head, not with a him saying "I don't want to date you!". But with me asking him to place himself on a sliding scale between 1 and 10 where one is close friend (we have been friends before, I believe we can go back to being friends again, I value the friendship with him) and 10 is partnership. He placed himself at 4. Definitely not enough to have a relationship on. He said he had gone up from 2 a month ago. (Introvert, somewhat on the autistic spectrum, I do believe he genuinely doesn't know what he wants, rather than is stringing me along). So I suggested a break after which we could reassess how we feel. 6 weeks. Once it sunk it I felt like I had been dumped all over again and I was all cut up. But over the next few days I had a lot of really good friend interactions and I kept asking myself "what does my life look like at it's most awesome without him in it". Out of that I have some goals and personal challenges. I've been working towards them, I have been getting lots of good friend interaction in. I have a psychologist at the moment so I've been asking her how to cope (she is varying degrees of helpful, definitely not a silver bullet). One of the things the psych has tried to help with is not getting hooked on thoughts and feelings so I am free to do things which bring me closer to my values and ideals. I'm not always successful at that but I have done a lot over the last 3 weeks, being complete, as a single person, feels more achievable than it ever has before. Still, I have placed myself in limbo land. I can imagine a life without ex and a life without my ex, means the possibility of meeting someone new. But I feel like I can't look for someone new yet, (even though we weren't even monogamous). I don't feel like I can turn my back on him as partner until we meet again and he says "I don't want you" (or, the much more likely "I still don't know what I want" which is as good as the former). And so, of course I still miss him. I haven't been contacting him at all, let alone asking to see him but sometimes we work together (a week after we went on break, god that was hard). And he sometimes sends me random messages (bread crumbs by any other name and I am doing my damn best to not read into them and clutch at them like the straws that they are. They mean noooooothing, there is just as much chance he is sending them as a friend as anything else). This is a thing that hurts like a break up but I can't do the letting go part of the healing thing because in my head, this is unresolved, an unanswered question. (And yes, I know I could unilaterally decide to put this person in the friend basket and move on but if he reciprocates my feeling, I want to be with him). So, ye who have experienced breaks, tell me your tales. I have two weeks of this to go and at times I miss him terribly and worry about what the answer will be when we meet again. Link to comment
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