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30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)


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Is there an ex shaped hole in your heart? There very much was the first time my ex left me, and it was Huuuuge and cavernous, and empty for a very long time. And I knew that I couldn't fill it with another person, I needed to fill it with me, but I didn't know how, and I limped along, throwing most of my energy into making new friends, and that worked ok but not great because when I was alone again I felt as lonely as ever, and after a while, I fancied that the hole had started to mend over, but very poorly, like a badly knitted bone or a whole lot of scar tissue. I believe now, the hole needs to be filled with many things, my ambition, my friends, my hobbies, my passions, creativity. I also believe that the hole in heart heals better and faster with support!!! (Which I did not have the first time around, but do have this time). If there is a hole in your heart too, you need to fill it with you. If you want her to fill it you will sooner or later freak her out and she will run away, you already know what you need to do, slow yourself down, look for reciprocity, be a person who can be content by himself (if this is a lie, pretend), don't come onto her stronger than she comes on to you and don't look to her to replace the place your ex occupied.

 

This!

This is EXACTLY how I am feeling right now.

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Everyone be careful with accepting crumbs, weather it's from exes or new people. Heartbreak, feelings of loneliness and bruised egos makes us want to go for anything that resembles intimacy and closeness and it will only set us back and delay our full recovery.

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It's been a while since I posted. Ex has a new girlfriend. Honestly it's been like 4 months since we broke up and I still think of him every damn day and it drives me insane. Seeing him out happy with her kills me. I last spoke to him around 2 weeks ago. And 3 weeks ago we did sleep together -.- I fell for his words again so this relationship is new and it's killing me. I feel so lonely, and unwanted. I've tried dating, new friends, losing weight (still on going) but nothing can fill this hole I feel inside and I really don't know what to do

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I've very sorry for what you're going through. At this point it's better if you cut contact with him and stop having access to information about his relationship and life in general. What is a granch btw?

 

Anyway, when a person ends a relationship they also lose right to the emotional support of their ex, at least while the ex hasn't moved on and isn't in a healthy place to actually be able to be friends... and even so... A person can't break up and expect to still have the ex available for emotional support when they need and all the benefits of still being in a relationship without actually being in one and being open to other relationships. Don't settle for that and start NC immediatly. Block him if you have to. If he's a mature and respectful person he will understand your need of space and backing off... he'll understand that it is healthier for you to cut all contact. Think about YOU and do what's best for YOU. He doesn't need you and you don't need him either.

 

Also be careful with the "trying to date" thing while you're still so vulnerable and not over him. Heartbreak and loneliness are usually bad advisors and relationships during these times are only small bandaids on deeper wounds. I've done it too and it never took me anywhere good. You don't need to be fully over him to begin dating again, but please be careful while you're still at this stage.

 

Besides that you're taking great steps like meeting new friends and taking care of your body and health. But it takes time to heal and patience and one needs to endure some loneliness along the way too. It's part of the process. So don't feel bad for still feeling sad and lonely. It's perfectly ok, we all have our timing and these things take time.

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I've very sorry for what you're going through. At this point it's better if you cut contact with him and stop having access to information about his relationship and life in general. What is a granch btw?

 

Anyway, when a person ends a relationship they also lose right to the emotional support of their ex, at least while the ex hasn't moved on and isn't in a healthy place to actually be able to be friends... and even so... A person can't break up and expect to still have the ex available for emotional support when they need and all the benefits of still being in a relationship without actually being in one and being open to other relationships. Don't settle for that and start NC immediatly. Block him if you have to. If he's a mature and respectful person he will understand your need of space and backing off... he'll understand that it is healthier for you to cut all contact. Think about YOU and do what's best for YOU. He doesn't need you and you don't need him either.

 

Also be careful with the "trying to date" thing while you're still so vulnerable and not over him. Heartbreak and loneliness are usually bad advisors and relationships during these times are only small bandaids on deeper wounds. I've done it too and it never took me anywhere good. You don't need to be fully over him to begin dating again, but please be careful while you're still at this stage.

 

Besides that you're taking great steps like meeting new friends and taking care of your body and health. But it takes time to heal and patience and one needs to endure some loneliness along the way too. It's part of the process. So don't feel bad for still feeling sad and lonely. It's perfectly ok, we all have our timing and these things take time.

 

I totally agree. Give yourself time. Hopping in another relationship while still feeling the aftershock an old relationship only leads you right back to NC with someone different. Don't waste your time if you don't think you two could really be something. Let your heart and mind adapt to losing that person then it will be ready for someone else. Good luck hun.

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Delayed anger? Today I feel specially angry and hopeless. It's not just about him... it's also about all this time, even before him that I've felt so loveless and unable to have a meaningful, happy, long lasting relationship. Most of it were my bad choices... but then once I started learning to do better my life simply stagnated and I simply didn't have the chance to "apply my lessons" anymore. Then I look around and see people easily finding love and having great relationships, and I look at me and it all seems so hard. Things just don't happen. And even though I know he did the right thing for himself, I can't help but feel angry at him today.

 

(just my depressive rant today... probably generated from having snooped after my relapse not long ago lol)

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Delayed anger? Today I feel specially angry and hopeless. It's not just about him... it's also about all this time, even before him that I've felt so loveless and unable to have a meaningful, happy, long lasting relationship. Most of it were my bad choices... but then once I started learning to do better my life simply stagnated and I simply didn't have the chance to "apply my lessons" anymore. Then I look around and see people easily finding love and having great relationships, and I look at me and it all seems so hard. Things just don't happen. And even though I know he did the right thing for himself, I can't help but feel angry at him today.

 

(just my depressive rant today... probably generated from having snooped after my relapse not long ago lol)

 

I know exactly how i feel. Everyone around me seems to be starting life and falling in love and enjoying everything. While i feel stuck here, unloveable.

But on a good note this is the longest I've gone from either contacting him pr him contacting me. Woohoo

And I feel a million times better already

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I know exactly how i feel. Everyone around me seems to be starting life and falling in love and enjoying everything. While i feel stuck here, unloveable.

But on a good note this is the longest I've gone from either contacting him pr him contacting me. Woohoo

And I feel a million times better already

 

Yeah, I feel the exact same thing. All these couples around etc.

Also feel stuck and miserable about that.

 

But I think that's a natural part of this whole thing.

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It looks like when we feel lonely we start paying more attention to all the people around us getting married or apparently having great relationships. I ask myself "where do these people find these amazing people that love them so much??", "How do they keep things going apparently so easily while I seem to only attract and actively choose (my responsibility) people who seem to lose interest in me so fast?" . This has been my pattern for years, even before this last guy. I know a great deal of it has to do with my neediness and bad choices which I've been tackling and learning with, but even so, there seems to be something preventing me of actually meeting + notice + being noticed + choosing + being chosen by the "right person".

 

When I'm most depressive and feel so unwanted I start to think silly stuff like "maybe it's not in my destiny to be loved in the context of a romantic relationship again so I should just accept this fact" or "Just take a look at him... me with all these feelings and so involved in this and him goes one day for a hike with some friends which he didn't even want to go, meets a girl and a couple days later he's ending everything with me so that they can be together because he's so into her all of a sudden that he's sure that it's time to end things with me... and according to my damned snooping they're very much together and happy."

 

Am I being too petty and too tragic? Yes I am, but it's how I feel sometimes when I feel lonelier. Maybe the difference is that I actively avoid trying to fill in this loneliness with other people. In past times I'd be now actively on dating apps so that I could just forget this by jumping to the next thing and everything happening all over again... or looking for external validation on these "dates"... but I've learned my lesson and I won't look for band aids for deeper wounds anymore. I'll deal with it.

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No I don't think you're alone. I am exactly the same. Taken me when I see a couple holding hands, "Oh my gosh they're so cute!". Single me when I see a couple holding hands, "Ugh eew, they disgust me. Get a room!!!" Lol so bitter

 

Today I went for a coffee with a friend who recently married. She was showing me videos of the wedding (to which I attended) and telling me all about where they are going in honey moon. I felt like a "petty jealous b***"... thanks god I was wearing sun glasses, so I could pretend that I was a 100% happy properly. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, for real... but lately I've been feeling down... I even got back to the crying at night. It's not even about him specifically anymore... it's about my self esteem that lately has been the lowest of the lowest. I feel frustrated.

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I decided to relax NC...the only reason I'd have for doing it is to try to manipulate him to come back, because we live in a small town and I can't forget him(secret: don't want to either).

 

You know, I think that's a very good progress that you came to that conclusion... even more than NC itself. NC has to be done for the right reasons. When it's done for manipulation reasons it doesn't have the intended effect. I've done it too many times and I think many others too. So, being honest with yourself is a big step in the right direction.

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So im 21 days no contact and i feel great! I think i just had a slight relapse with the sadness, but it only lasted a few days and im feeling fantastic again. Weight loss is going good nearly 1 and half stone now! And ive started swimming twice or three times a week its great. I do think of him, but not in a "i need you" sort of way anymore because i cant believe all the amazing things ive achieved now hes out of my life. Im training for mangers role in work soon, though im not dating seriously i do like one guy but taking it extremly slowly. when people tell me how bad his new relationship is i cant help but think "you made your bed now lie in it"

Its fan-bloody-tastic

Heres to better things girls 😁

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Shunsparkle, congratulations! We can all achieve so much regardless of who is in our lives, it's all up to us! Like someone said here "being that we have no control over them...it's also true that they don't have control over us". We just forget it. It's great that you are changing your life for the better, and that is totally independent from him, you're regain control of your life!

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In the last couple of days some stuff happened and I was letting myself be consumed by anger... my tears were more of anger than actually sadness. I think I won't repress it but instead use it like my fuel. I'll show myself and everybody that I can thrive from whatever adversity is thrown at my way, and that my past and my traumas are in the past for good. I've set myself some goals that I want to accomplish at least until the end of this year. This will keep my focus on what really matters.

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In the last couple of days some stuff happened and I was letting myself be consumed by anger... my tears were more of anger than actually sadness. I think I won't repress it but instead use it like my fuel. I'll show myself and everybody that I can thrive from whatever adversity is thrown at my way, and that my past and my traumas are in the past for good. I've set myself some goals that I want to accomplish at least until the end of this year. This will keep my focus on what really matters.

What goals are you aiming to achieve?

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In the last couple of days some stuff happened and I was letting myself be consumed by anger... my tears were more of anger than actually sadness. I think I won't repress it but instead use it like my fuel. I'll show myself and everybody that I can thrive from whatever adversity is thrown at my way, and that my past and my traumas are in the past for good. I've set myself some goals that I want to accomplish at least until the end of this year. This will keep my focus on what really matters.

 

I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I truly hope it gets better for you.

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So im 21 days no contact and i feel great! I think i just had a slight relapse with the sadness, but it only lasted a few days and im feeling fantastic again. Weight loss is going good nearly 1 and half stone now! And ive started swimming twice or three times a week its great. I do think of him, but not in a "i need you" sort of way anymore because i cant believe all the amazing things ive achieved now hes out of my life. Im training for mangers role in work soon, though im not dating seriously i do like one guy but taking it extremly slowly. when people tell me how bad his new relationship is i cant help but think "you made your bed now lie in it"

Its fan-bloody-tastic

Heres to better things girls 😁

 

Congratulations on the weight loss!!!

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