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30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)


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Dilemma:

 

Going to an event that I'm almost sure he'll attend too or not?

 

Details: it's like a sports event with a group followed by a party... which means lots of time in his presence.

I should be over this right now but thinking about seeing him again there makes me feel uncomfortable and when I saw that one of the organisers posted about him going I got nervous. I've accepted that what we had is permanently gone, but I'm still not 100% over him and what happened between us to be honest.

 

A) Not care about him or anything and go anyway

B) Avoid it because I don't feel that I'm ready to see him now, specially if he brings his girlfriend

 

If you don't feel like you're ready, I don't feel like you should go. It may cause more harm to your progress then you think. Is there any other fun things you can do?

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And... I failed today... I snooped.

 

I didn't like what I saw, I felt distressed. I don't know what's worse, if feeling I failed or feeling that I'm still not over him.

 

I think you're right Whocares479, I'm not ready to see him again. I have better things to do yes. I like the people from that event besides him, but he was the person I felt more connected to and I haven't seen the rest of the people in such a long time that I don't feel that I "belong" there anymore. I don't want to go and then feel like a loner, isolated and if he comes I think I'll feel awful. I'll avoid that event.

 

So everyone who is struggling with NC and snooping desires, please avoid doing what I did and keep strong. It's not worth it, believe me!

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And... I failed today... I snooped.

 

I didn't like what I saw, I felt distressed. I don't know what's worse, if feeling I failed or feeling that I'm still not over him.

 

I think you're right Whocares479, I'm not ready to see him again. I have better things to do yes. I like the people from that event besides him, but he was the person I felt more connected to and I haven't seen the rest of the people in such a long time that I don't feel that I "belong" there anymore. I don't want to go and then feel like a loner, isolated and if he comes I think I'll feel awful. I'll avoid that event.

 

So everyone who is struggling with NC and snooping desires, please avoid doing what I did and keep strong. It's not worth it, believe me!

 

Its a learning process. Atleast you are avoiding a very awkward situation tonight!

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Well... I'm back in NC but with another guy. Guys please take time to focus on yourself before hopping into something else.

 

I totally agree with this. Rebounds usually make everything worse. I hope that you pull through, you'll see that after a while in NC you'll be doing much better. Good luck!

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Its a learning process. Atleast you are avoiding a very awkward situation tonight!

 

The awkward situation would be next sunday, but yes, I'll avoid that for sure. I'm in no way over this as I could see after my snooping feelings. In about 2 months I'll be on another country so with all the things I have to do with documentation, getting used to work in a total different language and set and my big city girl inner self trying to adapt to a small village in the middle of nowhere I hope that I can forget all of this soon. I also hope that I don't sink in depressive thoughts about this while I'm at this new place so alone lol

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The awkward situation would be next sunday, but yes, I'll avoid that for sure. I'm in no way over this as I could see after my snooping feelings. In about 2 months I'll be on another country so with all the things I have to do with documentation, getting used to work in a total different language and set and my big city girl inner self trying to adapt to a small village in the middle of nowhere I hope that I can forget all of this soon. I also hope that I don't sink in depressive thoughts about this while I'm at this new place so alone lol

 

I love the idea of being in a new setting. This may sound so cliche but its perfect for a brand new start. I hope you're excited!!!!! It may be a little lonely at first, but trust me it gets better as you meet new connections and start letting loose. When I moved to Atlanta by myself I was scared, then I realize I wasnt scared because I was scared to fail, I was scared that I I would love it here and never want to go back. Be open to many possibilities! And thank you for your well wishes on my NC part 2! Feel easier this time. Day 0!

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I'm excited but at the same time nervous. I didn't intend to go to this place. The company that hired me has the freedom to put me where they want me and they put me in this place which is very small and isolated. Since I'm going alone it's a bit harder for me and it might get lonely. But I'll try to enjoy the experience and get the most out of it and when I can I'll try to move to another place. Nothing is definitive. Thanks for your kind words.

 

It'll be easier... you already did great on the last NC with the other guy. I'm sure this one will be much easier and sooner than you think you won't even think about it anymore!

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Hi guys, just a bit of an update, i'm on holiday currently, one me and the ex should have been on but she didn't want to go any longer so a family member came. She paid half though so i'm going to drop off some money at her house when im back at the weekend. Quite a substantial amount - she's played a few more games unblocking on instagram then denying it etc. No contact hasn't occurred recently its mainly been LC. Unsure if she's with the dude she seems to bring him up now and again then other times we speak its very LC. When i drop the money off I do truly love the girl do you think its worth a note maybe? Simple and to the point? The hostility has gone now she talks briefly she doesn't initiate but has contacted a couple of times when i haven't replied instantly. Think its worth saying something simple? I doubt i'll actually see her when i drop the money off, may be with her parents so just dropping off an envelope

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If you send her a note please be prepared that she either ignores it or doesn't answer like you'd like her to or doesn't have the reaction you want. I'm not saying that's what will happen, but these things rarely change their minds, if it's that what you're looking for and if she's decided that she doesn't want a relationship anymore and seems to be sticking to it. Send the note if it's only for you and if it's not because you want something in return or expect anything. Be honest with yourself about it.

 

Sometimes we should let some time pass before we decide to do this stuff. Let me tell you this... some months ago I planed to my self (yes I did) that I would call him after a long period of NC before I move to the country I'm going to and I even prepared a light hearted speech with some inside jokes that I would say. I don't know exactly what I was expecting with this. It also crossed my mind something idiotic as sending him a gift on his birthday (that would happen about 6 or 7 months after I had these crazy post break up ideas haha) from the other country. Yes... I really thought about spending money on a gift and spending even more sending it to him to a man who didn't choose me... who chose someone else. Let that sink in. Gladly now the time to move to the other country is near and I totally gave up from these ideas because I let time pass between the time I was in pain and now when I'm calmer. Also, I know that I wanted to do these things to cause a reaction, in a hope that he'd see how special I am lol. Just to tell you to think through and be honest with yourself before any gesture towards her.

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If you send her a note please be prepared that she either ignores it or doesn't answer like you'd like her to or doesn't have the reaction you want. I'm not saying that's what will happen, but these things rarely change their minds, if it's that what you're looking for and if she's decided that she doesn't want a relationship anymore and seems to be sticking to it. Send the note if it's only for you and if it's not because you want something in return or expect anything. Be honest with yourself about it.

 

Sometimes we should let some time pass before we decide to do this stuff. Let me tell you this... some months ago I planed to my self (yes I did) that I would call him after a long period of NC before I move to the country I'm going to and I even prepared a light hearted speech with some inside jokes that I would say. I don't know exactly what I was expecting with this. It also crossed my mind something idiotic as sending him a gift on his birthday (that would happen about 6 or 7 months after I had these crazy post break up ideas haha) from the other country. Yes... I really thought about spending money on a gift and spending even more sending it to him to a man who didn't choose me... who chose someone else. Let that sink in. Gladly now the time to move to the other country is near and I totally gave up from these ideas because I let time pass between the time I was in pain and now when I'm calmer. Also, I know that I wanted to do these things to cause a reaction, in a hope that he'd see how special I am lol. Just to tell you to think through and be honest with yourself before any gesture towards her.

 

I could not agree more!!! We do these things hoping our ex will be like " Wow they're so sweet and caring, I should of never let them go". WRONG. Most of them will just get annoyed and know its a desperate attempt for a reaction. Worse thing you can do is let your ex feel like you NEED them. Your attraction goes from 5 to negative 1000 in their eyes. And after they get turned off by you, they feel better about themselves because you have suceeded in boosting their ego. I did that to my ex wayy too often. I made him feel too good about himself. So good that he started to think he was too good for me. Moral of the story is, the note is not really needed. I'm pretty sure she'll know that you dropped the money off for a refund for her part of trip. We make up reasons for why we need to contact our ex. These reasons typically bite us in the arse and cause terrible anxiety after you do it.

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You are more than welcome to jen hopkin! I myself am on day 34 now and going stronger.

 

I will have a company trip to an island soon. And the circle of friends that I am close with are also my ex's friends which means I have no choice but to face her. To all of you here, what is your opinion on this? How should I act? I will definitely be myself and enjoy my time with my friends though!

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You are more than welcome to jen hopkin! I myself am on day 34 now and going stronger.

 

I will have a company trip to an island soon. And the circle of friends that I am close with are also my ex's friends which means I have no choice but to face her. To all of you here, what is your opinion on this? How should I act? I will definitely be myself and enjoy my time with my friends though!

 

I agree that you should enjoy your time with your friends and act normally. If by any chance you have to see her, just try to act cordial and not engage in deep conversation. Also if your friends start to update you on her, I'd suggest asking them politely not to do so. At this point the less you know, the better.

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I can relate.

 

This is hard but loneliness is the worst adviser.

 

It really is! I've became so needy to the people who do talk to me. I exchanged numbers with a really cute guy at the bar the other night and not only did I text him super fast, I would get mad when he would go hours without replying. Like what was I thinking. Probably scared the poor guy away lol. Which is fine because I really shouldn't be dating right now at all.

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It really is! I've became so needy to the people who do talk to me. I exchanged numbers with a really cute guy at the bar the other night and not only did I text him super fast, I would get mad when he would go hours without replying. Like what was I thinking. Probably scared the poor guy away lol. Which is fine because I really shouldn't be dating right now at all.

 

I usually do that too. I think the bottom line is that you know that you're not prepared to date yet. It's a good thing to take a break from these things. I know it's easier said than done though, because I also miss being loved and cherished a lot, and I think that has been the cause of many of my bad decisions through out the years.

 

But from what I've read before I think that you're on a good path. I'm sure you'll overcome this new guy faster than you think, and heal the scars from the previous one. It just takes time and patience.

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After all he's not going to that event. But I'm not going anyway. I think that it would only bring me lots of memories for several reasons and I prefer continuing with this total cut from everything that connects me to him or reminds me of him.

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