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30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)


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hrb23 thanks! I know it will get better. On my 6th day of NC today. The pain is still there. Saw a guy that dropped her at work yesterday, most likely her ex. That set me back just a bit, I felt the pain. But no problem, I need to move on with my life. The best revenge is to not take any revenge, it's to move on.

 

1a1a thanks! It's a random name that popped out in my mind!

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Hear Hear. I had the exact same situation (at first). I was cheated on for the second time BUT then instead of walking away I kept sleeping with her (after she left me for him) and then begged her to be with me again. I'm so embarrassed by what happened between the breakup and the NC. The best thing you can do right now is HARD NC, and I mean no excuses, you'll thank yourself for it so much later without even realizing.

 

I'm so much happier now i've figured my life out without her in it.

 

Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

 

 

Thanks so much, hrb23! It is uplifting to hear that you have managed to come out on the positive side of NC. It gives me reassurance that I made the right decision!

 

Cheers!

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Aww Lonely Loner, you're every bit as awesome as the rest of us. We can all be awesome and still not awesome partners for our exes (I think this often about a friend of mine who long loved my housemate, but he never loved her back. She's a super cool chick, she wasn't the right cool chick for him but she's still super cool).

 

*Cheers Lucia* It's the beginning of the next chapter for you!!

 

So, my cute boy, has been way less talkative the last few days and I'm thinking maybe not interested (or never was), maybe just cool friend person. Which is, argh, I would still really like a partner!!! It could have been him! But it doesn't have to be, and the version of reality where he's just a warm friendly guy, or was talking because he felt lonely, or does indeed think I'm cool but not in a pants feelings way and I get a friend out of it, especially a friend who nudges me to make music, that's not such a bad version, in fact, it seems valuable enough that I'm reluctant to be all forward and ask him on a date in case I spook him off. Stillll, not enjoying the silent phone. All afternoon I've been telling myself I have bigger fish to fry, sheds to sort out, guitars to practice, house to clean, life to live. Go live life 1a1a!!!

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Aww Lonely Loner, you're every bit as awesome as the rest of us. We can all be awesome and still not awesome partners for our exes (I think this often about a friend of mine who long loved my housemate, but he never loved her back. She's a super cool chick, she wasn't the right cool chick for him but she's still super cool).

 

*Cheers Lucia* It's the beginning of the next chapter for you!!

 

So, my cute boy, has been way less talkative the last few days and I'm thinking maybe not interested (or never was), maybe just cool friend person. Which is, argh, I would still really like a partner!!! It could have been him! But it doesn't have to be, and the version of reality where he's just a warm friendly guy, or was talking because he felt lonely, or does indeed think I'm cool but not in a pants feelings way and I get a friend out of it, especially a friend who nudges me to make music, that's not such a bad version, in fact, it seems valuable enough that I'm reluctant to be all forward and ask him on a date in case I spook him off. Stillll, not enjoying the silent phone. All afternoon I've been telling myself I have bigger fish to fry, sheds to sort out, guitars to practice, house to clean, life to live. Go live life 1a1a!!!

 

You gotta just ask him out! If him being a cool friend person is 'argh' then what do you have to lose!?

 

Good luck.

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Hnnnng, I'd normally be fast to just use my words. I think maybe there's a part of I'd really like someone I'm interested in to do the work of asking Me (oh hai accumulated insecurity - of course that would require them to also be interested). And a bit of we didn't meet on tinder how the heck do I go from small talk about music to hey would you like to go a date? Bonus awkward because we've already caught up in a non date capacity. And definitely there's a component of I never let these things happen organically, I force them (by being forward) and they die (see, my ex, having said that, maybe that was never alive).

 

Thanks for the pushes, I'm leaning towards I will. Sit on it for another couple of days first maybe.

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Hnnnng, I'd normally be fast to just use my words. I think maybe there's a part of I'd really like someone I'm interested in to do the work of asking Me (oh hai accumulated insecurity - of course that would require them to also be interested). And a bit of we didn't meet on tinder how the heck do I go from small talk about music to hey would you like to go a date? Bonus awkward because we've already caught up in a non date capacity. And definitely there's a component of I never let these things happen organically, I force them (by being forward) and they die (see, my ex, having said that, maybe that was never alive).

 

Thanks for the pushes, I'm leaning towards I will. Sit on it for another couple of days first maybe.

 

Ask him out when you feel the time is right, try to give him little hints lol bring up references in movies when the guy asks the girl out, that way he might ask you out instead of you asking him like you want

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hrb23 thanks! I know it will get better. On my 6th day of NC today. The pain is still there. Saw a guy that dropped her at work yesterday, most likely her ex. That set me back just a bit, I felt the pain. But no problem, I need to move on with my life. The best revenge is to not take any revenge, it's to move on.

 

1a1a thanks! It's a random name that popped out in my mind!

 

The sweetest revenge is to move on.. Completely and never have any setbacks, reopened wounds.. Just free of pain!!!

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Day 1 of NC really hurts. I keep thinking about our last conversation. How he cried and told me that I deserved better than him. He even was completely honest about all of the cheating. He put it all out there and said he wanted to beg on his hands and knees like he did the first time, but my happiness means more to him than his. I guess I got the closure that we all look for when ending a relationship. Every part of me wants to text him and suggest a mere break. But I know this is the right thing to do.

 

The good thing about hitting the bottom is that the only way to go is up, right? I can't wait for this to be easier

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LonelyLoner, agreed with you. Never ever look back at the wounds. Move forward with our lives while at the same time, letting that wound heal. I'm currently on day 7 of NC. Still painful but I believe the pain will slowly lessen.

 

Lucia031, day 1 of NC will always be the hardest. Be thankful you got the closure, but now let's start our NC journey. We are all in this together.

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Yes day 1 is hard and there will be days just as hard as day 1. Stick to your guns, situations like this can suprise you. You are much stronger then you think. I am here for you. I am here for all of you!!!

 

We all have this great support group, we have came such a long way since the thread first started! I wouldn't pick any others to move on with ❤

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Day 1 of NC really hurts. I keep thinking about our last conversation. How he cried and told me that I deserved better than him. He even was completely honest about all of the cheating. He put it all out there and said he wanted to beg on his hands and knees like he did the first time, but my happiness means more to him than his. I guess I got the closure that we all look for when ending a relationship. Every part of me wants to text him and suggest a mere break. But I know this is the right thing to do.

 

The good thing about hitting the bottom is that the only way to go is up, right? I can't wait for this to be easier

 

Day 1 is bad but don't fool yourself thinking the next 6 won't be just as hard. The best advice I can give is to make sure you don't just give up when you feel like it is only getting harder. I can't tell you how many people I see getting to Day 11 or Day 15 and caving in. You really have to just keep going. Only then will you find it truly does get easier and you truly do begin to heal.

 

I broke NC after a week or two weeks several times, I felt better for a second but a few days later I was just miserable. Once the cheating and the lying comes out, it's almost impossible to have a healthy relationship. Remember that. You deserve better, he was right, don't look at that as a challenge. He was right.

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Day 1 of NC really hurts. I keep thinking about our last conversation. How he cried and told me that I deserved better than him. He even was completely honest about all of the cheating. He put it all out there and said he wanted to beg on his hands and knees like he did the first time, but my happiness means more to him than his. I guess I got the closure that we all look for when ending a relationship. Every part of me wants to text him and suggest a mere break. But I know this is the right thing to do.

 

The good thing about hitting the bottom is that the only way to go is up, right? I can't wait for this to be easier

 

When anyone says any reason to you for why they want to break up that isn't "I'm just not feeling it anymore", I think it is wise to translate that reason, whatever it is, into "I'm just not feeling it anymore". A sad, immutable fact. But also a freeing one. And you super deserve one who wants you enough to not cheat!!!!

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Day 8 of NC here. Been hitting with memories that bite back once in a while. Hold me, all. Channel me your strength so that I can continue on NC-ing. Hope everyone is doing well with NC!

 

Memories are sorta like hurdles you have to jump over while you run from your pain, it won't be easy, we all missed the jump before and had to restart the race.

Just stay strong and keep jumping but if you should fall, just know that its ok because its hard and we've all been there, everyone on here and you only get stronger after you fall.. So if you do just get back up and run again.. We're running with you

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So I told the boy!!! (Over facebook, friend forced my hand a little.) He was flattered, and said he's in a weird space at the moment, and that he is weird and I could be spending my valuable time on someone better (I should heed this, people tend to tell the truth about themselves). And he said when asked, his tales were for telling in person and he was happy to spend more time in person and discover each other (such strange choice of words). And he's kept conversation going, but he hasn't offered a concrete time to catch up (and I strongly suspect I should not push for it and the best thing I can do is give him space to assimilate data ah hah but arrrgh, I am not good at patience. But at least I have made my interest unambiguous now *pats self on back*)

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Hey everyone, how are you guys doing? I took some time off from here.

 

I lost count in which day of NC I'm in because I stopped counting but I think that I'm probably 2 months and a half (?) in or a bit less (of total NC, because I haven't contacted him for a longer time but I kept stalking his social media and all).

 

I want to tell you all to keep pushing. It's always hard but in time it gets better and NC is the best way to actually move on. I used to feel these strong urges of checking his social media and website though I had deleted him from my friends, but since I made this commitment with you here I never peaked anything... I have no idea how his life is, what is doing now or anything about his relationship. and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible. My urges have gotten weaker and weaker.

 

I sometimes feel some sort of curiosity of checking his social media or wonder how it'd be if I sent him a message but as fast as this thought occasionally comes, it goes away right after because I actually don't want to do it. I'm not 100% yet so I know that if I break what I promised myself and you all, I can regress and I don't want to risk it, so I keep my control. I even honestly prefer if he doesn't contact me either, just because I think it's better for both.

 

Another thing that helped was actively focusing on improving every other area of my life. I'm about to move to another country to the biggest challenge of my life, and it's not a memory that is going to stop me from enjoying life to the fullest there. Because that's what they are... memories that we cling to because we're afraid that if we let those memories go that we'll lose ourselves too.

 

And yes, I still think about him more than I should and I'm still not over him... but those thoughts have gotten less and less painful and I fully accepted that this chapter of my life is over.

 

Keep strong everyone, you can do it!

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So I told the boy!!! (Over facebook, friend forced my hand a little.) He was flattered, and said he's in a weird space at the moment, and that he is weird and I could be spending my valuable time on someone better (I should heed this, people tend to tell the truth about themselves). And he said when asked, his tales were for telling in person and he was happy to spend more time in person and discover each other (such strange choice of words). And he's kept conversation going, but he hasn't offered a concrete time to catch up (and I strongly suspect I should not push for it and the best thing I can do is give him space to assimilate data ah hah but arrrgh, I am not good at patience. But at least I have made my interest unambiguous now *pats self on back*)

 

I'd say proceed with caution because from what you say in this post he seems to be very insecure. Also, if nothing concrete materializes like a concrete plan to meet each other, don't keep it virtual forever because in the end you'll be wasting your time.

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You can do eeeeet.

 

What are you doing to make manifest the most awesome life SleekAvocado can have?

Today, I'm going out to spend time with my family, going out for movies with them. Then gonna go shopping for a bit to treat myself. Those are the small steps I'm making on my journey to my awesome life. Thank you for your question!

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Memories are sorta like hurdles you have to jump over while you run from your pain, it won't be easy, we all missed the jump before and had to restart the race.

Just stay strong and keep jumping but if you should fall, just know that its ok because its hard and we've all been there, everyone on here and you only get stronger after you fall.. So if you do just get back up and run again.. We're running with you

 

Day 9 of NC. True, the memories or hurdles that you speak of are a bit challenging today. It pushed me down for a bit but I am just gonna stand back up and grow stronger. I will continue my run, my marathon. I am in no rush running away from the pain because forcing to let it heal quickly is not optimal. I will let it heal slowly while moving forward in my life. Appreciate your analogy, will use it whenever I get these moments where I am feeling down.

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Day 9 of NC. True, the memories or hurdles that you speak of are a bit challenging today. It pushed me down for a bit but I am just gonna stand back up and grow stronger. I will continue my run, my marathon. I am in no rush running away from the pain because forcing to let it heal quickly is not optimal. I will let it heal slowly while moving forward in my life. Appreciate your analogy, will use it whenever I get these moments where I am feeling down.

 

Pace yourself, i agree.. Its no race, there's no such thing as first place ( well its not a race where which ever place you're in matters i mean, so it is a race lol )but the goal is to make it to the finish line, no matter how long it takes, we are not perfect so accept your mistakes and learn from them. Good luck

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I'd say proceed with caution because from what you say in this post he seems to be very insecure. Also, if nothing concrete materializes like a concrete plan to meet each other, don't keep it virtual forever because in the end you'll be wasting your time.

 

That is an astute observation

 

I ended up asking him outright to clarify since he never really said if he was interested or not and I got the much more tangible "I don't want a relationship" but also a yes to the question of is he attracted. So, that explains the mixed messages. And, on the grounds my initial interest was entirely superficial I'm leaning towards bonk once and get it out the way then go on being friends. I actually think, if I can't date this guy, then I'd like to make music with him. We're catching up Wed for a jam, see where it goooes. Friend of mine says you're rushing it, of course he says he doesn't want a relationship it's too early. Which is certainly a possibility (he also says ocytocin is a powerful thing and if I want to grow on him I should suggest cuddling ah hah that's not manipulative at all /sarcasm) but cute boy also says he came out of a relationship recently which means he's got some being alone to do. Crush feels a-fading I think *knocks on wood*

 

Actually, I am in a rare head space of not feeling like something major is missing because I am single, I think maybe cos cute boy kinda stoked my interest in music making (and provided a motivation for getting my house clean) and so I have things to do and things to dream about. That hole that I said my ex left (that felt like it was near bigger than me it was so big), I'd say this is about the most filled in it's felt. With me, I filled it with meee, and a garden of friend faces some of whom have matured into lush plants now. I know you all will get there too, keep nurturing those platonic close connections, keep dreaming your dreams and enjoying your hobbies and learning the things you want to learn and doing brave adventurous things like moving country!! (I will too, I know feelings of longing and melancholy shall return sooner or later).

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1a1a, agreed with you on nurturing close relationships with friends and family. I'm grateful that I am surrounded with many people that I love and enjoy spending time with to get through my heartbreak. I am also trying to pick up new things, like playing a guitar. Never in my life would i think i will start playing an instrument!

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